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Maine Is Running Out of Ballots. Because of You Homos!

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So many Maine residents plan to be out of town during November’s election that they’re requesting absentee ballots. Too many of them, in fact. “Elections officials told News 8 the requests for absentee ballots have broken all records and that their offices are insanely busy. Elections officials in Portland have already run out of ballots.” Who’s to blame? The gays, of course! Supporters of “No On 1” have been going door-to-door to ask residents if they want to register for an absentee ballot. You know, to lock in that YAY GAY MARRIAGE vote ahead of time. One political consultant expects half of all Maine votes will have been cast before Election Day. Which is surprising, because Gay Standard Time runs late.