If your biggest problem this summer is wondering if following up tequila with vodka is going to give you a killer hangover, at least one Reddit user wishes he were in your shoes.
Reddit user Club411 came out to his wife 8 months after marrying her, and she then forced him to come out to the rest of his family.
Even though he did it via this heartbreakingly vulnerable coming out letter, it wasn’t exactly an Afterschool Special.
I came out of the closet May 16th to my wife after being married for 8 months. Then shortly after she forced me to come out to my family. She put me in a situation where I had to choose between her telling them or me telling them, and she gave me a deadline. So I sent them all a letter (I can post it later if people are interested), because I wanted to be the one who broke the news to them so I could at least get my views across to them as they found out.
Shit has hit the fan. My family went crazy. I grew up very religious, and my family and ex are still very religious. I grew up in the evangelical Christian environment, with parents who were so religious they didn’t believe in birth control. I got grounded once for my Bible getting dusty. My father made jokes about killing gay people. Lots of bad stuff.
His friends have been great, but his family…not so much:
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My sister told me that she hopes I hit rock bottom so I have no where to turn but Jesus. And I still constantly hear shit like this from my family.I’m getting divorced and I’m moving on. I got married due to religious and family pressures. My wife and I are separated at the moment. I’ve had sex with a few guys and it’s amazing! I also never did anything with anyone till after my wife and I separated. I’m also happier than I’ve ever been, but I’m also processing a lot of shit at once. So I would love to talk about it and hear advice from anyone.
The heretofore anonymous Club411 is blogging about his experiences in his new gay world at bengayforever.tumblr.com, and is answering more questions on reddit.
What advice would you give him, Queerty readers?
ted72
Good for him. I still don’t see how religion is a good thing to this day. Society would be so much better and have advanced as human beings if it weren’t for religion getting in the way so many things.
While I support people who want to believe in their imaginary sky fairy, but just keep it to yourself.
twospirit
I applaud you for your willingness to take the risk you did and be honest with yourself and others, and to start expressing your authentic self…
Create your own “family” of supportive friends and allies; it’s what many of us had to do to get the affirmations and loving support we so desperately needed!
twospirit XOXO
ErikO
This reads like it’s fake, especially since it’s on tumblr and reddit.
KJ
I don’t see the atheist bit, unless it’s included in the original article. I too grew up in the evangelical church tradition, but not as fundamentalist as this person’s experience (Dust on a Bible was not measured!). However, thankfully, for those that find their spiritual drive at home in the Christian tradition, there are many options, all that are equally horrifying to most Christian fundamentalists. I found a home in the Episcopal Church.
Brian
The wife is partly to blame here. It’s as if she is forcing the guy to come out. It’s as if she is so offended by this new development, she needs to assure her own self-worth in the face of this “horrific” ability of her husband to experience same-sex desire.
As a rule, women do not tolerate the existence of ANY male homosexual desire in the men they date or marry . Women are extremely narrow-minded and homophobic in this regard.
It’s this negative attitude of women which creates an unnecessary coming-out crisis.
Chris
Okay, now he should live in a manner that is true to who he says he really is; and may he have a fabulous time doing so!
jag4313
I’m having a hard time coming out as Atheist. Coming out as gay was easy, coming out as Atheist to a Southern Baptist family is not.
orcanyc
Just stay strong!!
GayEGO
I was raised in Idaho as a Mormon and knew I liked boys. When I was a teenager I started disagreeing with a lot of the Mormon teachings and I decided to leave the church rather than be a Moron. My family met my “roommate” in 1962 who is my lifetime partner of 54 years, married 12 years in Massachusetts. I told my family I was gay when I was 50 as it was my time to let them know.
It is unfortunate that this guy let his religion and wife control him, but it is high time he let them know, as difficult as it may seem. He should be able to be himself and live his life as himself, a gay man.
JessPH
I am bothered by gay men who think they can’t somehow live and survive without their families’ approval. Get a grip, gurl. If they don’t like you then they can f*ck themselves. As RuPaul says, as gay people we get to choose our families.
dinard38
@JessPH: I’m with you. I come from a very religious background. My family is totally homophobic. I don’t give a damn. I spent years worrying about how they would react if they knew I was gay. Now that I’m in my late 40s, I could care less. My family hasn’t outright shunned me. They still love me. But they just mostly follow the DADT policy (Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell). But of course, I’m still hell-bound. Haha.
As you say, I would tell this man to choose a new family. The family members (if there are any) and new friends that will support him. Life really is too short to stress out over family that can’t accept you for who you are.
chuck
My advice as a gay atheist is to get as far away as possible from anyone not supportive. Be your own person.
rod815
Gee! What a loving sister, a true testament of religious ideology. Amazing how toxic people can be when they claim something riteiuos. I have had to exclude family for this reason and I couldn’t be happier.
GaybyGod
Stand strong in God’s blessings. Do not stagger or bend from other’s judgments. You are a mentor to many a gay child that walks in your shoes. To live a lie, only hurts others, and yourself. Continue to love your wife (she is innocent in this situation) and family, unconditionally. As for your homophobic father … What he sowed…now he must reap …and understand.