A U.K. man says he’s been chatting with a guy online who won’t meet up with him, but who is always online looking for other dudes to hook up with. Now, he wants answers.
“I am 27 and open about being gay. He is 35 but very protective of his sexuality, ” the man explains to advice columnist Diedre Sanders in a letter. “We’ve had a friends-based relationship online for a year.”
“He told me he didn’t want anything sexual, which is fine by me. I just want to meet him and his cute little French bulldog–he posts lots of photos–but there is always a reason why he can’t see me.”
And here’s where things get irksome.
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“He posted about looking for fun when he went to Frankfurt and Milan on business trips recently,” the man continues.
He wonders: “How can he look for completely random people in a foreign country for sex acts yet not want to see me?”
In her response, Diedre tells the man he needs to stop kidding himself.
“If you really want just to be friends, then his sexual adventures when he is abroad shouldn’t bother you,” she writes. “I think you feel so hurt because you want to be more than friends.”
“Be honest with yourself first, then tackle him if you still think it is appropriate.”
She concludes with a heavy dose of reality: “But if he’s hiding his sexual identity at home, he may never be more than a distant friend for you.”
What advice would you give this guy? Share your pearls of wisdom in the comments section below.
Josh447
My advice….go check your grandmother’s computer.
winemaker
I feel sorry for this young man and it’s sad he’s been wasting his valuable time on somebody who wants to play games. This young guy needs to realize the following:
1) This other guy might just be a catfisher and not really
gay.
2) He might be closeted and unsure of what he wants.
3) He might already been taken aka involved.
In any event he shouldn’t waste any more time on this guy. i believe this other guy is 35 years old, time for games ended on the school yard. Move on and find someone who wants to meet instead of playing cyber games and wasting your time.
WashDrySpin
Some gay men want the following:
1. a husband
2. a screw bud or more than one
3. a hot straight man that they can fool around with
4. a cadre of men that finds them HOT but they won’t touch
Rex Huskey
agree.
Brian
He doesn’t want to fck you. That’s really so hard to figure out?
WashDrySpin
We agree on that…there are so many gay men who are so aggressive and so blind to this simple little fact…being attracted to someone does not equate to SEX
Rex Huskey
reminds me off cruising for sex in piedmont park in the 80s. they made themselves obvious they wanted you… you respectively made it obvious you were not interested…. they became obsessed and stopped any hookups because they were not included…… hungry queens, can’t help hating them
WashDrySpin
Here are some tips for when you are on an app and you are looking for a man
1. recognize the platform that you are on…if it is Grindr or Adam4Adam…it is about sex first and maybe only also recognize what YOU want and are willing to give someone else
2. if you are on an authentic dating app and someone does not want to meet up first come up with rules for yourself.
a. if I speak to someone more than 2-3 times it is time that we exchange numbers and talk
b. if we are talking on the phone for 2-3 days it is time to meet and this meeting can be as simple as 15 minutes to shake hands and share a smile and laugh
If these things are not agreeable…close the door in their face
All this BS about being busy when every time I check the app online you are there and ready to talk is insulting to your personal dignity and/or integrity
WashDrySpin
There are so many gay men who waste their lives online playing and/or cat fishing someone else because that is there “power”…
If you are on the app and you are concerned about disclosing your sexuality you are nothing but a lying tease that is trying to drag someone down by attempting to rub your low self-esteem onto them
All these changing of the rules and lofty expectations are hilarious and reeks of selfishness from someone who is not willing to give an authentic self to others.
Rex Huskey
due to your many attempts to bite this apple, perhaps you should be washdryspinrepeat.
Kangol2
Has this young person never heard of the show Catfish or even concept of catfishing?
If not, he’d benefit by watching a few episodes and then he might grasp why he’s basically living through an episode of it.
@KeachAlon
He’s just not that into you. Move on!
Yooper
Distraught over an enigma. Step away from the computer.
kevininbuffalo
Exactly! Go out and meet someone in the real world.
Man About Town
What the hell does she mean by “tackle him”??
batesmotel
It sounds like he already knows the simple answer to the simple question. The guy he’s chatting with has been very clear. The other guy has unfortunately clearly developed deeper feelings for this man he’s never met, but only chats with. Either accept that this is how it is or move on. If you enjoy talking to him, then continue the internet friendship, but find someone that lives around you physically to date.
piriblue
Stop being an idiot move on. Why do people stress themselves out on matters that are very insignificant. He doesn’t want you. Write to someone else.