Fashionistas long have been arguing the merits of man purses, or “murses.”
Now, a 25-year-old British man has found himself unwittingly thrust into the center of this contentious, age-old debate. He recently wrote into advice columnist Colleen Nolan at the Mirror for help.
“I’ve always had a passion for clothes and accessories,” the letter begins. “On holiday recently, I bought myself a man-bag thinking it looked stylish. But since being back at work, all the guys have been abusing me about it and they keep referring to my sexuality because I choose to carry one.”
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But it gets worse.
“The problem is I am gay but I haven’t come out yet and the main culprit for the insults is actually a guy I’ve had a crush on for a long time,” the letter continues. “We’ve worked together for many years. We even took up cycling together and every time we’re out for a ride I want to tell him I love him!”
The man confesses that he now fears, because of his man purse, he may lose the one true love of his life.
“After all the abuse I’ve got over the bag, I think he may reject me,” he says. “Help, please!”
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As usual, Colleen has just the solution.
“I’m not condoning their behavior,” she begins, “but I think your workmates see it as banter and genuinely mean no harm.”
“Because you haven’t come out,” she continues, “they think you’re straight and they’re winding you up. I don’t think for a minute they’d do it if they knew you were gay. If you want to come out, then now might be the perfect time to do it. The next time your workmates are having a laugh at your expense, say, ‘Actually, I am gay.’ That’ll shut them up fast!”
As for the coworker who the man claims to be madly in love with, Colleen thinks it’s probably best if he doesn’t try and pursue anything. And based on what happened to this guy, we concur.
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“I wouldn’t declare your love for your colleague,” she advises. “I’m assuming he isn’t gay and, if that’s the case, you’re on a road to nowhere. You’ll end up heartbroken and it might ruin your friendship.”
She concludes: “There are plenty more great men out there and if you do decide to come out, it’ll widen your options.”
What do you think? Should this man ditch his purse in an effort to win the heart of his supposedly straight coworker? Vote in the poll below.
FFS, get a damn breif case. Whoever talked you into buying a murse should be slapped silly.
Newsflash dude, everyone in your office likely knows you’re gay.
If he’s willing to leave you over your choice in accessories and personal expression, then he was never meant to stay with you. Let him go, then go buy yourself another cute bag to get over him. There are 7billion people on this planet – you’ll find someone else.
Time for this guy to grow a pair of balls, stop worrying about what other people think, and be true to himself first.
Seems, on the surface, to be a bit of a drama queen, but whatever.
My only advice is to carry whatever bag you want. You may be lugging around the latest in overpriced leather goods from Hermes, but the guys making fun of you are probably toting a briefcase, mailbag, or backpack. In the end, a bag is a bag, so tell them all to fuck off.
As for the “closeted” thing… yeah, I’m thinking you’re not as closeted as you think you are. Most of us were spotted long before we ever “declared” it to an audience. Come on out baby. It’s nice out here.
Wow, Drama Queen.
I carry one every day and I bring it every where and my man loves it. If he didn’t like my purse then he wouldn’t love me.
It will not cost you the love of your life, you being gay and him straight will cost you the love of your life.
Enjoy your murse, they all know you are gay, and find a gay man to love. The end.
I have a “MURSE”. Won’t give it up for anything.
That looks like a really BIG murse pictured, WTF would a man, gay or straight put in it? Your car keys? and wallet ?
this is sooooo gay !
Don’t get rid of it, but stop calling it a “murse”.
I have a few murses. Sometimes it’s the good briefcase, usually it’s one of those Fred Perry bowling bag-looking ones. Same shit goes in each one (laptop, sunglasses, etc.). All the shit I’ve got to lug around doesn’t fit in the inside pocket of my jacket. Add the gym bag and occasional overcoat or jacket and it can feel like I’m making an Everest ascent when I walk the six blocks to work.
” . . . the main culprit for the insults is actually a guy I’ve had a crush on for a long time,” the letter continues. “We’ve worked together for many years. We even took up cycling together . . .”
I have questions. So what do you two talk about during your outings? You say you’ve worked together for many years; has he dated women during that time? Has he gotten serious about any particular woman? You state that he is the main culprit (for the insults)? There is a saying about he who protests the most.
Maybe he IS gay and suspects you are, but doesn’t want to bring it up. I suggest telling him, in private, that his insults are unwelcome because, in fact, you are gay. His response will tell you everything you need to know.
Same. Can’t seem to leave the house without one.
Now wtf is “Murse” ? Lol
@John Agliam: Read the frickin’ article: “Fashionistas long have been arguing the merits of man purses, or “murses.” Geezzz!!
My advice: Keep the ‘murse’ and if the straight guy can’t handle it, drop him! I’m 71, have a men’s purse from Chile, and I never go anywhere without it. It’s versatile, compact, and I don’t lose things as much!
Justin John Ronald Walker
Oh for fucks sake! ‘Murse’? Really?
@Justin John Ronald Walker:
Could be worse. Could be calling it “my handbag” or “my pocketbook.”
I don’t actually use the word “murse.” I just say briefcase, like “Can you get that out of my briefcase?” whatever type of bag it is. Anyone I’d say that to knows the difference between my briefcase and my gym bag.
Murse it is. I carry it too. Please do not insult it!
This is a joke right?!
My keys ( 2 on a ring ) in front pocket , phone in the other front pocket ( if it’s not in my hand ) and my wallet in back pocket. #nomurse
So he’s enduring anti-gay rants from his workmates but that’s fine because they think he’s straight?
NEWS FLASH: If you’re talking about accessories in your office, they KNOW you are gay.
Come out when you’re ready to do so. But if you’re not ready to come out, then — as someone above said — grow a pair and roll with the s**t they’re flinging at you; or better yet, fling it right back. That’s what our cousins, chimps, would do.
As regards your bike-riding friend, there is no way you can start anything with him until you’ve come out to him. You must realize that. So until you develop the strength to come out to him (at least), there really is not much you can do except suffer and entertain us as we read about your suffering.
Alford S. Sean
What ever makes you feel your best….
I’ve carried one since I was 4 years old and I still carry one now. People try to judge but I give 0 fucks. It’s my style, my life and my money. Even if your bitch ass paid my bills I’d still carry one.
Carry a bag if you like. But ffs come out of the closet. Geez. As for the co-worker, first, he’s not the love of your life. If you continue to refer to him as such you are only fooling yourself. Second, if you can’t be honest about your feelings with him it’s clear that the infatuation is a one sided street. Trust me. Been there done that. I wasted far too many years chasing a man who didn’t really love me.
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