It’s a tale as old as time… Boy meets girl; boy and girl fall in love. Girl brings boy around to meet her folks, a milestone in so many budding romances. Then boy recognizes girl’s father; they definitely had sex.
Somewhere out there an old-school DJ just stopped reading to assemble his gear to get the perfect record scratch moment. He’s committed to his craft.
This story comes via The Guardian’s advice page, and it’s quite the sticky predicament.
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How about we take this to the next level?
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Here’s how the unidentified man put it:
Five years ago, I went through a bi phase and used to sleep around with pretty much everyone that came along, including other men. This changed when I fell in love with my new partner, who is everything to me. I recently met her parents and halfway through lunch realised that I had slept with her father. I was going to propose, but when my partner and her mother were away, he told me to end it with his daughter. I’m obviously in love – shall I just ignore him, or tell my partner?
Before getting into the columnist’s reply, one thing should be very clear: There is no option here that involves marrying her without disclosing this piece of information. Do you really want to embark on a lifelong — we won’t mention divorce statistics so ‘lifelong’ will do — partnership with a massive lie hanging over your head?
No, you don’t.
Also, what’s a “bi phase”? It sounds like he’s bi, and that’s lovely — he should tell his potential bride-to-be that as well.
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And is there a chance that if he’s honest with his girlfriend, honoring her with the truth and the ability to make her own fully-informed decision, she will be able to process the inevitable confusion and one day laugh it off? Sure, anything’s possible!
The Guardian didn’t quite agree. They advised it’s time to pack it up and run away:
I am not sure you could ever have a comfortable future with your new partner. To tell the truth would be to court disaster: a probable break-up, plus the risk of a permanent rift between father and daughter and father and wife. Hiding the truth would lead to toxic secret-keeping that could be equally destructive in the long run. If this whole family was as open-minded and sexually open as you, it might be possible for you to become part of it. However, the father – your former lover – has made it clear that you will not be welcome. Walk away now, and avoid the massive pain that would otherwise be inflicted on your partner, her family and yourself.
If he is meant to spend his life with this woman, and she with him, just pop the cork and tell her. Life’s too short to get too worried about how “awkward” something might be. If she dumps him, well, then at least he’ll know for sure.
What do you think he should do?
QueerTruth
LOL. As if… He should stop posting imaginary fantasies on the Guardian.
Maybe queerty can follow that advice too.
@HarryB at q-meet.us
Yes, agree. I am sure that this tale is NOT as old as time
Josh447
Doesn’t matter. It’s always fun to unravel these stories regardless if they are true. And bottom line, w 7bn people on the planet, you know this scenario has happened if not here, somewhere, sometime.
Great movie script.
Caliban10
You people obviously don’t get out enough. A few years ago, I dated a much younger guy and after a few dates we talked about his family. It turned out, while in my 20s, I had dated his father. I had even met his grandmother. This sort of thing happens a lot more often than you sheltered children think.
xjryan
Lol who still says “as if..”
Wicked Dickie
Maybe the father slept with him and not the other way around. Sounds like the father was the dominant one in their encounter. The bottom has no power.
DCguy
The Bottom has no power? Have you ever met a bottom? They get to say, if, when, how slow, how fast, etc… you can play dominance games etc… but claiming they have no power pretty much makes me think you’ve never had sex.
Wicked Dickie
I was being facetious dude, calm down.
PinkoOfTheGange
Tag it as snark next time, to let the rest of us in on the joke.
cavewolf
Yeah, if no one understands that you’re joking, then… Well, you’re not joking!
scooter12
Screw the father…if he’s in love with the daughter, he needs to tell her the truth and let the chips fall where they may.
DCguy
The advice is idiotic.
If this guy is in love with her, and she with him, the advice columnist is literally telling him “Dump your fiance and don’t tell her why”. That is going to CRUSH her.
Tell her you’re bi, tell her that her father knows you’re bi and doesn’t like it. If she asks HOW the father knows….give her a glass of wine and ask her if she really wants to hear that answer.
QueerTruth
Do you really think this is real? LMAO. Too funny
Josh447
Bingo
rtmartinez
I definitely think he should be upfront about it with her due to the circumstances. What she does after that is her choice but if he doesn’t say anything then things will be very awkward whenever they are around the Dad and who knows what the Dad will do. But even then, now knowing that he’s slept with his girlfriends Dad he will have that haunting guilt in his mind all the time which will definitely eat away at him. Take care of it now, not later!
Nic1966
Obviously a highly embarrassing situation. However it will always be there to haunt him with the possibility of it ‘coming out’ into the open. However, I think that the priority here is for him to tell his Fiance that in the past he has had Gay experiences and is therefore Bisexual. He should be able to convince her that Bisexual or not in true love fidelity is FIDELITY. Is he however sure that he can sexually commit not only to 1 person but to the one Gender as well. Will he become bored with straight sex and miss the gay times. Honesty is always the best policy for a successful long term relationship be it any form of Straight and LGBT……+ etc…etc.
Greg
Probably because he’s speaking from experience. Because everything else he says is usually some judgmental b.s.
sfbaygay
Why all the fuss?!? The boy banged Dad and he banged the daughter. It’s all good! He has a win/win situation on his hands – he can eat from both sides of the buffet table.
Bob Amsel
I was once in a similar situation. I was then working as a realtor and showed some parents of a soon-to-be married young couple a house. They loved it. We had organized another showing for the young couple since it was to be a wedding gift from the girl’s parents.
When I met the young couple, I had to consciously keep my jaw from falling open. I had slept with the groom-to-be only a week before. We looked at each other knowingly, and I continued with my work. The young couple loved the house too, I closed the deal, and that was the last I saw of the groom to be. Too bad since the man was gorgeous.
spacecadet
You were hoping to get it on again with the married man?
Greg
I would have. 😉
PoetDaddy
But it could be true. I know a real-life father and son who, neither one knowing the other was gay, had sex in a dark room at a bathhouse. Imagine their surprise when they came out into the light, so to speak. They were able to laugh it off and become best of friends. Not as complicated, I know, but weird things do happen.
spacecadet
They were sure they didn’t have sex with each other? Good thing it wasn’t a gloryhole! Lol
Doug
I don’t know any father or son who would just “laugh it off and become the best of friends” after what you described.
dwes09
Seems easy enough for this to be a true story, and very hard to know the proper advice without knowing a lot more about the people involved. Certainly though it would be hard for father and son in law to get over the awkwardness the father in law has created by not ignoring the past indiscretion (after all, he was more guilty, being already married when he went to the baths).
I actually met a man and his wife at a horticultural event and realized I had played with him at the baths just a few months prior. He was about 25 years older then me (I was in my late 20’s at the time). He said “you look familiar, could we have met at a plant sale.” I agreed and nothing further was ever said. Having met his wife, I would not have played with him again anyway. Kind of shame as he was nicely built and fun.
Minyassa
I’m guessing that one of the Guardian writers was out sick and let their young adolescent child go in to substitute for them that day. That’s the only explanation I can imagine for such ridiculously immature advice. Presumably all parties involved are consenting adults capable of communication and reason, including and perhaps especially the fiancée. People are assuming that the father cheated on his wife, when it’s possible that they have an arrangement. If they don’t, you’d think the father would be a tad more careful about threatening someone who has that sort of dirt on him. If they do, it’s no one’s business who slept with who. Either way, that is their problem, not the fiancé’s. His priority should be making sure he’s good with his girlfriend and treating her like an adult equally participating in the relationship, which means being honest with her.
andchamir
I’d say dump the young woman and stick with the father — except he sounds kind of bossy.
Greg
I think he wants the guy to break up with his daughter so he can continue getting some.
GayEGO
Hey! This day and age, a couple of bis got together, no surprise here! It has happened for centuries, we used to be quiet about this and now, all kinds of sexual relationships are revealed to the public!
Thad
Truth is power.
Daggerman
..can I just ask why the f**k is he sleeping with her father in the first place???? What? Because they were attracted to each other???? Selfish Bast**dosses.
supremebuddy
So let me get this correct. The father cheats on his wife, then his cheating wraps around to him…a life lesson perhaps and the father has the nerve to forbid his daughter to marry someone HE slept with? Sounds pretty convoluted to me and being a divorced, formerly married man to a woman, whom I was not true to, neither of us were, I would say follow your heart. It doesn’t matter what anyone says if you truly love one another. We all travel down various roads of life for the experiences. That makes it neither right or wrong…just a growth process. Again….follow your heart!
fur_hunter
As Reba McEntire sings in her song. “Sshhh……it happens.”
Josh447
If he tells his fiance, looks like daddy who has the most to lose, is in for a severe family spanking. Oh the welts.
lovethyneighbor
There are no good options at this point. If your partner, she is going to be completely blown away. Next, you place her in the position of having to keep the secret from her mother, hating her father, possibly hating you (at the very least never trusting you alone with her dad), and having her live with self-loathing. If you don’t tell, and her dad does an eleventh-hour death-bed confession, your going to be lower than cow-dung to her.
The truth is that your promiscuous behavior was ideal for you; however, everything comes at a price. Your time has come that you finally met someone you love, and now, you’re going to have to break her heart in one form or the other. Don’t get me wrong, I think the father is a real piece of crap for bringing this reality to his family just as much as you have blame to some extent.
The only solution here is to walk away even if it makes this girl never communicate with you again. If she finds out someday, she will understand why you left, and she might forgive you or better yet, realize what a great guy you were after all.
I feel for you, my friend. It’s a difficult position to find yourself in, but the choices we make direct our path throughout life. Best of luck.
Larry
Well now you get him more often I say!!
andrewl
Actually I think the Father is not in any position to make demands as he was the one cheating on his spouse. My first thought would be tell the girl and let her decide. However, that will break the family up as the father was cheating on the mother. I do think that as heart breaking as it sounds the boy must walk away but not from his actions but from the father’s.
Josh447
Why should the innocent boy pay for the sins of the father by canceling out the love of his life?
ShiningSex
BI phase? No such thing.
Experimenting with someone of the same sex happens ONCE to be considered just that an experiment. Twice, NO. More than twice, HELL NO. You’re bi at the very least.
Josh447
Josh447
Then there’s the option of telling the father to shut the fk up for life or blow up the family. Then move forward with the marriage and live away from the parents.
It’s the guys with the secrets and they aren’t lovers so bury it and move on. The dad won’t do anything he’s too scared of losing his wife and daughter.
Bryguyf69
Why would he lose his wife and daughter over an old tryst? The Brits are not the moralistic prudes you seen to think they are. And unless he has actual proof of the hookup, who would believe him? Would you believe such an unlikely story? Furthermore, since the dad told the man to end the relationship, we can assume that he doesn’t feel threatened. That may mean that the supposed hookup never happened, and the man was mistaken. Or that he remembers the hookup and thinks that a bisexual slut is not good for his daughter. Or that he simply forgot because the hookup meant nothing. Either way, it doesn’t seem like something the dad would lose his wife and daughter over.
Richie4360
I’m wondering if the columnist is straight? There is an underlying implication that there is something wrong with being bi or gay. It will be a hard adjustment for this family were the truth about the father to be revealed but they would all be set free of the toxicity of lies. I’m not sure most straight men would understand this. Also, life is short and love is rare – if he truly loves this woman, the answer is clear.
strix1
Hmmm…I swear I read this before…years ago when Yahoo! Groups used to be a thing, they had a group for m4m, coming out stories and other GTS and I read one that sounded just like this under the fictional section.
Chaz
I suspect he is damned if he does tell her and damned if he doesn’t tell her. Which leads me to think he should pursue the least worst option he can live with if she is in fact “the one”. I would also say that there are secrets large and small in every relationship, so marrying her and not telling her is fine with me if that’s what he chooses. I do not think the father in law should be telling him what to do, and in fact keep his mouth shut, unless that is he has been completely open with his family about his escapades.
Topgun4u
Best to move on…TOXIC relationship…for everyone!!
EZinHTown
Just tell her because life’s too short to worry about awkwardness? What kind of idiotic advice is that Queerty? Blow up a family and out someone just so he might possibly end up with his girl? There is no way he ends up with her either way. I agree, he just needs to end it or live a lie and blow up her family and his with her years down the road.
marc88
Sounds like “The Graduate” to me!!!
TimothyBeauchamp
Wait a damned minute! I just saw that very plot scenario in “Hot Pops – My gf’s Dad eats my ass!” Sure, Jan… this really happened… uh huh… LOL
Bryguyf69
He probably shouldn’t tell for several reasons. 1) Unless he has proof of the hookup, the accusation will simply be seen as a spiteful story to avenge the dad’s disapproval of the marriage. What daughter would believe such a story? 2) So what if the dad was bi, or even a cheater? It’s not his place to get into his potential in-laws’ business. 3) Exposing an old event like this helps no one, and can potentially hurt a lot of people. 4) Revealing that he himself was/is bi (and a former slut) to the in-laws can only damage their relationship. What parents would easily approve of their daughter marrying a bisexual slut?
So what exactly is the upside to revealing the old hookup? I don’t see any.
woodroad34
Waitaminnit….Are we talking about the early Colby Keller/Cliff Rhodes video?
djmcgamester
I can’t see why this needs to be disclosed. The fiance doesn’t need to be privy to his entire sex life nor that of her father. This was years ago and has nothing to do with their current lives.
I’d have a frank discussion with the guy and say he loves the daughter. Whatever they had was a one-night stand and shouldn’t have anything to do with the present. Reality is that unless the father plans on disclosing this information to his daughter, it’s irrelevant.
piriblue
Who cares? Everybody has things that they do. If you sleep with her father then what are you doing with her daughter. I am assuming that you are gay. I don’t know why I am assuming. You are gay leave that girl alone.
mz.sam
Marry the chick and capitalize on the profits with a money making Daddy-in-Law video.
KennyB
“I was going to propose, but when my partner and her mother were away, he told me to end it with his daughter. I’m obviously in love – shall I just ignore him, or tell my partner?”
He is the only person who can decide whether he loves his “partner” enough want to fight for her. (I hope he does.) If that’s the case, then he should at least be upfront with her… tell her he either is bi or went through a Bi “phase,” (who knows where the truth lies?) But he should tell her because such a secret is just as unhealthy as living in the closet.
If he and his partner survive that news, then he should tell Dad he has been truthful with her, and now the ball in Dad’s court. One presumes Dad was concerned for his daughter’s happy future, and that’s fine, but now the light shines brightest on Dad and his wife. How’s he like those apples?
Speaking as a “Dad” who could have been in this position, and as a son whose father-in-law confided a past hetero infidelity to me, I can say it’s a brave new world and as odd as it may seem, these situations are going to happen. We can all do with less judgment and judgemental people. I’m divorced now but have excellent relations with both my ex and daughter. The main reason for that is, as they put it, to the best of my ability I was as honest as I could be and never told a direct lie. We can’t always tell the 100% truth, but we can commit to never tell a direct lie
So he must be proactive with his partner before he proposes and then say only what is necessary beyond that; act with honor and integrity about the rest. Love AND integrity can conquer all.
LilMesican
Somewhere, in a dark bedroom, in a seedy hotel, the porn version of this story is being filmed.
ShowMeGuy
Gay Urban Legend.