It’s a tale as old as time… Boy meets girl; boy and girl fall in love. Girl brings boy around to meet her folks, a milestone in so many budding romances. Then boy recognizes girl’s father; they definitely had sex.
Somewhere out there an old-school DJ just stopped reading to assemble his gear to get the perfect record scratch moment. He’s committed to his craft.
This story comes via The Guardian’s advice page, and it’s quite the sticky predicament.
Here’s how the unidentified man put it:
Five years ago, I went through a bi phase and used to sleep around with pretty much everyone that came along, including other men. This changed when I fell in love with my new partner, who is everything to me. I recently met her parents and halfway through lunch realised that I had slept with her father. I was going to propose, but when my partner and her mother were away, he told me to end it with his daughter. I’m obviously in love – shall I just ignore him, or tell my partner?
Before getting into the columnist’s reply, one thing should be very clear: There is no option here that involves marrying her without disclosing this piece of information. Do you really want to embark on a lifelong — we won’t mention divorce statistics so ‘lifelong’ will do — partnership with a massive lie hanging over your head?
No, you don’t.
Also, what’s a “bi phase”? It sounds like he’s bi, and that’s lovely — he should tell his potential bride-to-be that as well.
And is there a chance that if he’s honest with his girlfriend, honoring her with the truth and the ability to make her own fully-informed decision, she will be able to process the inevitable confusion and one day laugh it off? Sure, anything’s possible!
The Guardian didn’t quite agree. They advised it’s time to pack it up and run away:
I am not sure you could ever have a comfortable future with your new partner. To tell the truth would be to court disaster: a probable break-up, plus the risk of a permanent rift between father and daughter and father and wife. Hiding the truth would lead to toxic secret-keeping that could be equally destructive in the long run. If this whole family was as open-minded and sexually open as you, it might be possible for you to become part of it. However, the father – your former lover – has made it clear that you will not be welcome. Walk away now, and avoid the massive pain that would otherwise be inflicted on your partner, her family and yourself.
If he is meant to spend his life with this woman, and she with him, just pop the cork and tell her. Life’s too short to get too worried about how “awkward” something might be. If she dumps him, well, then at least he’ll know for sure.
What do you think he should do?