Kayden Gray is a sex worker from London. He recently opened up to Gay Star News about a scary experience he had during a chemsex party where he was sexually assaulted by a group of men.
Gray went to party knowing he was going to do drugs and have sex. Before showing up, his friend warned him to be careful.
Related: Just how many guys say they’ve engaged in ‘chemsex’?
“He knew I was negative, and that everyone else was positive,” Gray recounts. “He said: ‘Don’t let anyone here f*ck you’.”
After passing out from what he believes was an overdose of ‘G’ or ketamine, Gray woke up to find three men taking turns having bareback sex with him. A fourth was in the room watching, and crying.
Gray says the men were “very inconsiderate” as they handled him, leaving him “bleeding from both ends” and with a sore throat. At one point, he got sick. They dragged him into the shower, where one man proceeded to urinate in his mouth.
Gray is speaking out about the incident in hopes of raising awareness not just to sexual assault against men, but to warm people about the dangers of chemsex.
Related: Are Gay + Bi Men More Likely to PNP As They Age?
“I thought chemsex was the best sex ever, and I thought that for a couple of years,” Grey says. “Then I realized there is a limit and I hit that.”
Watch Gray speak about the truly horrifying incident:
truckproductions
my god.. why didn’t he go to the police? catching a bunch of rapists is worth the possibility of receiving sex worker charges.
bnard620
Because traumatic events are just that, traumatic. It takes a lot because of the trauma of the event and then to have to retell it again and again. Then to be questioned and judged and then to have people doubt u and in a lot of cases not even care can cause just as much damage
James
bnard620, Oh please, the guy had no problem calling the newspapers and posting online.
Godabed
It’s hard to tell in this situation who is in the wrong here. Not because of the violence, but because of intent, and consent. How much was he consenting to. From his description he knew what kind of party this was, he partook of mood altering drugs willfully. So the question is at what point did he take away consent.
My question to Gray, whom I respect given his platform and speaking on important topics such as the PNP parties that go on in the gay community, living with HIV and his advocacy. Why did he put himself in this situation? Was he in fact bugchasing which was the reason he went to this party in the first place? Why would he continue sex work after such an incident? Has he been to counseling not only for the incident but for most likely trauma that happened before this even occurred?
There is so many layers to this, and it’;s such a complex issue here, especially where the lines of consent are drawn. I couldn’t possibly rush to judgement without knowing more, and I certainly wouldn’t just blame the victim, but there are just too many questions.
Kieru
It’s not difficult at all.
The moment he passed out he became unable to give consent. Absent consent what those men did is considered rape. It doesn’t matter that he knowingly went to a chemsex party, nor that he may have knowingly taken the drugs that contributed to his unconscious state.
ChrisK
To my knowledge this happened in his off time. Recreational sex per say. I think whenever you add drugs to any situation it’s useless to look for logic. I think we can just sum it up into shit happens.
Godabed
Kieru, actually it does matter, because part of submission is giving consent, and given that this was a chemsex party which he was aware of before he partook of the drugs, factors into intent. We don’t know a lot of information here.
He states they left him bloody, and that was “very inconsiderate”. Putting your feet on the table is very inconsiderate, someone raping someone else is well beyond “very inconsiderate”. So the question of how much consent he gave these men is still a legitimate question here. We can’t act like bdsm and rough sex scenes are not apart of gay culture there are several well known festival specifically about this (Folsom), or that bug chasing, and parties where people go to have rough raw sex with poz men were not a thing, it very much was, and is to this day. It’s disingenuous to say otherwise. In his initial HIV post, he hinted about this situation. I’m glad he feels more comfortable with this instance in his life where he can talk about it. Because it’s taboo to talk about Pnp parties and HIV in the same conversation. But we know these things happen.
So these questions must be asked. I am not going to make the mistake of calling him victim, or survivor, because I don’t know much about this specific situation. I am a survivor of sexual assault, and I know very well when consent can or can not be given. This situation is a very complex one given the nature of it, and a lot of questions needs to be answered.
bnard620
It’s not hard at all, it’s actually really easy. He was unconscious to give consent, therefore he was raped repeatedly in this situation
Ummmm Yeah
But was he unconscious or just too drugged up to remember or know what he was doing? And how the hell else is someone at a chemsex party supposed to know when someone has had too much?
Juanjo
Sorry but if he was unconscious then there is not consent. The fact that earlier in the evening he had agreed to engaged in sex play is irrelevant as the issue of rape. It might or might not be relevant as to the specific degree of rape charged. I do not know UK law on that issue.
Kieru
@Godabed – Once more since you seem to be unwilling to hear it.
Consent cannot be given if you are unconscious! It doesn’t matter if he agreed to have sex 5 hours before or 5 seconds before; the moment this man was unconscious the acts stopped being ‘sex’ and started being ‘rape’.
There is no gray area here outside some niche fetish where this guy WANTS to get assaulted while unconscious. Which doesn’t seem to be the case.
surreal33
This is a new low for Queerty. A two-bit whore goes chemsex party with a bunch HIV positive men and he is surprised he was abused? This is a textbook example of gay men being TOTAL IRRESPONSIBLE and then seeking sympathy and absolution it is really sad. Mr Gray is sad sole with zero self-esteem and unfortunately, he is not alone. The situation begs the question why is abuse, humiliation, self-destruction so intertwined with gay sex?
Paco
Being completely irresponsible about casual sex is not exclusive to gay men. Heterosexual couples have been producing unexpected pregnancies because of irresponsible sex since the beginning of the human concept of choice about procreation. They also get their fair share of STIs from poor choices involving sexual activities.
If a person can’t have great sex without drugs or alcohol, they definitely have mental issues about sex.
ChrisK
He’s using his fame as a platform to warn others of the consequences. I have nothing but respect for that.
Donston
Surreal33, you are way, way too harsh here. However, there are a lot of things that contribute to a decent percentage of gay and homo-dominant men living toxic lives and having strictly kink-driven sex lives. Unsettled issues with past abuse, feeling ostracized and demeaned while growing up, feeling isolated from the “core” of society, feeling emasculated because of your orientation, rejection from family, etc- it all can stir the internalized homophobia/gay-shame, self-rejection, self-destructive patterns, extreme bouts of depression, development of extreme narcissistic or megalomaniac instincts, addictions, etc that we see from a section of men. These developments aren’t unusual for straight or homo-dominant people, but it is a more common thing for us ratio-wise. You also have to remember that this is the life of this particular sex worker.
surreal33
Donston, my comment is not coming from a place of malice. It more like wake up and stop accepting self-destruction, hatred, abuse, as just another aspect of gay sex. Mr Gray’s story and others like it are all too common and too accepted as normal. Reading the comments here people are trying to rationalize behavior that is ABHORRENT!!! Chemsex, bareback sex, abuse during sex, is not something anyone should willingly get involved with. While you have a right to do whatever you want. I refuse to accept chemsex, bareback sex, hatred, and abuse during sex as just another kink.
Donston
I understand where you’re coming from. But having an understanding and sympathy for what a lot of gay and homo-dominant people go through socially, personally and in their heads is necessary. Yes, we need to be asking each other for more honesty, self-respect, self-love, less self-hatred, less hatred of each other, less self-destructive behaviors, etc. But things don’t get through and progress isn’t made if you’re communicating in a condescending, chastising manner.
seaguy
Get over yourself you were not at the party you don’t know him so quit trying to blame the victim.
Danny595
The life-affirming warmth and joy of “sexual liberation,” i.e., promiscuity. Everyone in that apartment, other than the victim, should be rounded up and prosecuted.
ChrisK
Better then the “sanctimonious bitterness” you bring.
Luna1979
This is a “money or your life” thing. He knew these men were HIV+, knew the drugs could knock him out or kill him. These men were strangers, and he still decided he wanted the money. They could have straight-up murdered him; how could he know they wouldn’t? Yes, he was horribly raped. No question. However, he is a sex worker, and despite how nice a picture you paint of him and his line of work, prostitutes have a long history of abuse because there is a lack of respect for them. They willingly trade their bodies for money, and most people, even the clients, find the concept akin to having no self-respect. Rape can occur anywhere at any time, no matter the profession, but his has very high odds stacked against him.
ChrisK
I thought this was just a party. Not sure what you’re getting at with the money thing.
ChrisK
I’m just wondering here. Has everyone here had responsible sober sex only because it sure sounds that way. I feel like the odd man out.
Scribe38
I’m with you. No drugs, rarely drink. If I put my drink down, I never pick it back up. I’m amazed at the folks who think what happened to him was okay. It’s not.
Danny595
You live an aberrant, destructive life and, because misery loves company, you’d like to think that everyone else is similar to you. But they aren’t. You are the odd man out. Sad, promiscuous and alone at age 50.
ChrisK
Misses Danny Bitter accusing me of being sad and alone. Ohh… bring on that hate 🙂
luvit00
a lot of the responses seem like the male equivalent of “she was wearing a short skirt so she was asking for it” … the dude was unconscious so no consent can be given PERIOD, just because he may be a sex worker doesn’t mean he has given up basic rights against assault!
Xzamilloh
I agree that a lot of the responses come across as judgmental, but let’s cut the bull about that “he/she was asking for it” bullshit, because guess what? No one deserves to be raped or assaulted and you’d be hard pressed to find someone who ISN’T a rapist who thinks that way. But, giving someone tips on protecting themselves or admonishing someone’s poor choices is NOT saying “They were asking for it”, just like giving someone tips on how not to be robbed or telling someone that they should lock their doors and/or get an alarm system isn’t blaming someone if they do get robbed. I agree that Kayden Gray was raped and that it is abominable, but if he can acknowledge his own ignorance, I see no reason why we can’t use his story to warn others about having PnP, chemsex or whatever the hell it’s called.
Donston
This is clearly not a situation like that. I would have the same type of mixed response if it were a woman frequenting and engaging in orgies and sex parties with people she knew were poz and into drugs and “chem-sex”. This person is definitely a victim. But you also can’t constantly put yourself in situations like that (especially as someone who isn’t homeless or a tweeker) and then play victim when things bad happen.
Kangol
A few things. First, if he was unable to consent because of the overdose, he was raped. That’s pretty simple. And multiply assaulted, including when the men took him to the bathroom and urinated in his mouth. So they’re guilty of rape and assault.
Second, the article is unclear about whether he was on PrEP but if he was and went in negative, it’s likely he did not seroconvert despite the rapes and assaults. As a porn performer and a gay man living in 2017 I’d assume he knows how crucial PrEP can be under the best of circumstances, but there’s no mention of it here. Even with PrEP, he could still contract a host of other STIs from the rape.
Third, it’s unclear whether he was drugged or whether he accidentally overdosed. The way the story is set up, it seems like the former. But what really happened? Was he given more a high dose to knock him out, or did he overdose himself? Neither excuses the rape, but if it’s the former, that sounds like another crime to me.
As someone else asked, did he go to the police?
seaguy
He was not on PrEP as it has not been available until very recently in the UK.
Donston
I do feel bad for the guy. But this isn’t even a “I was mickey-ed” or “I drank too much” situation. As an HIV neg person he went to a chem-sex party where most where most people were positive. An environment like that is bound to be full of sexual megalomaniacs and, yes, a few rapists. Then he took some hard drugs. Some personal responsibility does need to be taken. But what happened had to be devastating nonetheless.
At some point, you need to ask yourself why you indulge the type of sex you do, why you inject whatever they put into their bodies and why you surround by the people you do. Otherwise, this isn’t the last time he’ll be victimized.
Paco
It is terrible he was assaulted, but I think people would have enough common sense to not trust strangers to put their well being above their own drug induced desires and needs.
People should never be sexually assaulted when they are passed out and in a perfect world it would never happen, but we know the type of world we live in and when the entire orgy is out of their mind on substances, it is silly to expect they are going to have much sense of right or wrong when the whole point of the party was drugged up group sex.
Jaxton
I have no sympathy for him. If you choose to go to a Chemsex party, you’re a loser who has chosen to put yourself at risk. No sympathy here.
amigay
My thought too. I’m just done with people that put themselves in a position to be attacked and then cry “no fair” when it happens.
Prax07
If everyone participating at the sex party was drugged up, horned up, and judgement impaired, then how are they rapists? He went to the party to participate, in the drugs and the sex, and it’s sad and terrible that he passed out and that they continued to have sex with him, but it really seems like a case of getting what you asked for, and buyers remorse. He knew the risks of doing drugs in a risky situation like that, and sorry, but to me it seems he got treated like he should have expected and been prepared for. No one should be sexually assaulted but then he shouldn’t have put himself in a situation where he could’ve been.
Ari Gold
Please go shoot yourself because with that kind of mindset, you deserve to be dead.
ChrisK
It’s a good thing he’s a British citizen because he can be the biggest f*ck up he wants and will still be taken care of with free healthcare services. If he was in the states he’d basically be f*cked.
Herman75
The story seems far fetched. A sex worker at a chemsex party where everyone was positive. Really?
Chris
At one point in my life, we’d get rip roaring drunk or high as anything to have sex. Consent was assumed, even if we couldn’t say “no,” because the purpose of the alcohol was to lower our inhibitions and hang-ups. I may have woken hung over, with a headache that someone else thinking was too loud, and having blacked out my memory of the night before. But I knew what I was getting into….
Everyone is right: we had issues.
So the question to me is, “what did he intend to happen by going — repeatedly — to chem sex parties?” If his intent was sex, raw sex even, to claim that he did not give consent strikes me as odd.
His experiences changed him and for that I am happy. He seems to be in a way better place and to healthier.
But to go back and change the narrative on what happened strikesme as disengenuous.
andreasmahlhaus
in my eyes he deserves it! porn stars are all the same lol…hope he caught some hiv!
Scorpjr
No one deserves to be raped or assaulted. That said, I’ve been in similar situations. I don’t expect a group of drug fueled, judgement impaired strangers that I’ve already been having sex with for hours to be mindful of my health and well-being. That’s my job.
DCguy
Technically, in the U.S. which is not where this occurred, if somebody is very drunk they are legally unable to consent. So to a certain extent, technically even if he was “Consenting” he wouldn’t have been consenting.
No matter the situation, if it happened as he says it did, it’s a shame he didn’t go to the police.
amigay
Go to the police and do what? Tell them “I put myself in a position to be assaulted, I was, and now I’m sorry I did”?
Dude, no one is responsible for your own safety except you.
marinetti
Kayden is HIV+, he said so on instagram
Jack Meoff
I cannot believe the BS responses to this article. Despite his choice to attend a chem sex party there are still lines you do not cross in the name of human decency and one of those would be that you do not gang rape an unconscious person or anyone who is to drug affected to know what is going on on.
What is wrong with some of you people trying to find ways to justify what happened to him.
Seriously!
misterhollywood
Agreed. Nobody deserves to be violated this way. It doesn’t matter if the man was partied up or not. The guy was not able to give consent. He was raped. It’s pretty straight forward. There’s a conversation to be had about reducing risks in such situations (aka not being put in harms way). But in the final analysis, the guy was violated.
amigay
Sorry but he did this to himself. Ultimately only he is responsible for his own safety. He knew it was a sex party and he knew there were poz men there. I’m not saying he deserved what happened but when it did, he shouldn’t be crying foul now.
Kieran
It took a lot of courage for Kayden to talk publicly about being gang raped and abused. Most guys would probably be too embarrassed and ashamed to talk about this openly.
Donston
Unless those guys love attention no matter what or love playing the victim. I’m not saying Kayden is an example of this. But there are examples of such men, especially in the sex industry.
AllenSF
I hope he is OK and didn’t sero-convert, reminds me of years ago when I used to hook up. I met this guy online and when I arrived at his place there were a few guys there already tweaking and carrying on. I immediately left and was quite shocked all I wanted was a nice sexy hook up.
seaguy
He is hiv+ now not sure if it was from that night or another time he attended a chemsex party.
Condor221
I am shocked and disgusted by the men who raped this guy. It simply does not matter what the man engaged in before, i.e. porn, etc, but it is not an excuse to harm another person. I pray that he will find peace of mind and a man who will love him for who he is. As for the disgusting trash that raped him, they belong in jail for a very long time.
Chris
What makes us think that the other guys had their wits about them any more than Gray did? So how could anyone engage in any form of consent — other than going to the party in the first place?
He kept returning to chem sex parties though he doesn’t say whether he engaged in the same sorts of behaviors as happened to him. As he ends his story: for the longest time, he thought that chem sex was the best sex ever until he realized that it wasn’t. This sounds like he has changed his story to suit his current consciousness.
Prax07
You guys have said it better than I did, anyone that willingly puts themselves in a risky situation where something terrible can happen, and something terrible does happen, then that’s on your own stupidity, and crying about it afterwards doesn’t change the fact you brought it on yourself. Stupid people putting themselves into stupid, avoidable situations and then whining about it afterwards get no sympathy or understanding from me anymore. He was stupid, he paid for it, move on.
Prax07
Obe other thingy…he says in the video chem sex parties were his way of (stupidly) dealing with body and esteem issues. Ugh…bitch please. I have those issues too, as many of us do, yet I’ve never once thought it would be a good idea to go get high in a room full of people, let alone hiv+ people, and get my brains f-ed out. Stupid, stupid boy. You ask for bad things to happen, don’t expect sympathy when they actually do.
seaguy
I would call him a gay porn star rather than a sex worker. But he is sharing his story in a series on a UK gay news site that is doing a series on Chemsex to educate people so he is not sharing his story for attention he is trying to help prevent others from going where he did.
andreasmahlhaus
he already god hiv? wow very good then am glad…whores get what they deserve
ChrisK
Darling your apparent lack of education gets you what you deserve I’m sure.