He describes himself as “Asian,” “gay,” and “slightly effeminate.” And he wants to know why that’s so frowned upon.
Writing into Reddit, a man with the moniker silverkoss asks the community why he senses so much judgement and negativity simply on account of his personality and countenance.
Related: Is This Gay Asian Guy “Aesthetically Marginalized” Or Just Complaining?
“Asian cultures have a lot of emphasis on conformity and introversion,” he writes, “a contrast to Western cultures which are derived from Greek philosophy where extroversion and individualism are highly prized.”
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Isn’t it reasonable to accept the fact that we Asians in general tend to be more demure? Why is this looked down upon? I find it beautiful. It’s a question I ask because recently someone close to me suggested that I should be “less Asian” if I wanted to be more accepted into the gay community…
Related: Bottom Shame With A Side Of “No Asian”: A Message For All You Racist Grindr Users Out There
Other Redditors were quick to offer their two cents.
“Asian men are slowly breaking barriers to finally get a seat at the ‘real men’s’ table,” writes theminja.
An example in popular cinema: the Asian character has always been relegated to tropes such as the innocent best friend, side kick, or bonafide martial arts expert….
That’s why it was a huge deal when John Cho (pictured) led the romantic comedy series Selfie on ABC: because he was playing the lead in a series in which he was the desired leading character.”
He later suggests that “when there is a gay, Asian, effeminate male thrown into that mix, it makes the outward progress in society for the Asian male a little harder.”
“I wish it weren’t true,” writes koiboyy, “but sadly ideals of femininity (and therefore lack of masculinity) deal with two large Asian-dominated stereotypes: introversion and physical stature.”
Related: Bottom Shame With A Side Of “No Asian”: A Message For All You Racist Grindr Users Out There
“I don’t believe in them,” he continues, “but I’ll write down how traditional society, or at least mass media, portrays these ideals.”
“As an Asian-American that’s lived in Asia, I don’t think these issues of self-worth will be resolved by moving to an Asian country,”qtUnicorn advises.
Westernization is rather global. Regardless of that, matters of self-worth can only [be] internally resolved… Once you’re more okay with your ‘feminine’ characteristics (which is, indeed, harder to do), you would probably care less if society said otherwise.”
“I am Asian, I’m gay, and I’m slightly effeminate,” writes bluesnofu. “This can be looked down upon in our masculine society because typically the man of the house is depicted as a tough, muscular individual.”
Related: Are Asian Men “Desexualized And Emasculated” By The Media? This Guy Thinks So.
“Physical stature is another thing,” suggests koiboyy. “Asians are stereotypically smaller in height and stature, and lighter in weight.”
“People categorize size with femininity, as history, time after time, shows us how women are represented as the lesser of a couple.”
Anything you’d like to add? Sound off in the comments below.
Rimminit
That just happens to be my favorite combination!!!!
Eye of the Beholder
because typically the man of the house is depicted as a tough, muscular individual.”
Okay. Let me take the reigns on this one.
First things first: Big boys don’t cry. Second: It does takes everyone aback when they first enter the gay community in that yes as it turns out we, or rather the gay community at large does in fact have its own set of standards. A community with its own self-esteem. Go figure.
This means that sometimes even a man who made a perfectly fine heterosexual may initially flounder as the community does not always conform to the laws of hetero-normativity. A guy with a beer gut and bad hair for instance probably does get a better reception in straight world where he’s viewed as a promising husband/father type for a lonely (abusive) woman (jk) insteads of the ideals put forth by what some would call a glorified bachelor’s lifestyle.
The fact that the community has standards isn’t a bad thing however. Just a thing, and the developing of standards is a gradual thing also so take them more seriously than just shaming the community verbatim. It may be a setback for some, but figure it out. You merely have new ideals to strive for, and no one is at fault for your lack of universal charm and appeal but Mother Nature so suck it up and make an effort. Afterall, weren’t you a better person for eating your vegetables too?
So now that you realize you have options can I throw this back out there at you, and ask what’s wrong with being “muscular” to meet the standard? Straight men are constantly amazed at how easy it is to be a member of the community for merely meeting a physical standard. The irony of being a gym bully. (jk2)
So here it is. My advice: Stop complaining. Never finger point. And join a gym. Asians are actually known throughout the bodybuilding world for their symmetry. Plus, you’ll make friends “in the struggle” and you never know who else you might meet in the sauna!
dwes09
A better question is why does Queerty continue to pass off lame reddit stuff as news or blogworthy? Certainly they must be aware that reddit is a refuge for liars, trolls, fakers and other social outcasts that are unlikely to asking sincere questions. This is as bad or worse than turning to whisper for content.
UncleFloppy
Why is there a photo of actor John Cho with this article? He is straight.
Bob LaBlah
@UncleFloppy: Not only that but have you also noticed that no where in the article is his name even mentioned? He was the gay character in this years Star Trek movie and is prominently featured in the advertisement for the dvd. As they say, we get what we pay for. Enough said.
Captain Obvious
I find it a little odd for an Asian to complain when they don’t seem to date anyone outside of other Asians and white guys. Maybe look a little further?
Jack Meoff
@Bob LaBlah: Cho’s name is mentioned in the article in relation to a tv show he stars in. Read the second quote in pink.
ppp111
Honestly, I’m sick of reading articles like this. The reality is that the standard of beauty that all will always be valued in the gay community will always be white. Don’t get me wrong I think that in the overall scheme of things it is changing to include black and latino. But complaining about it isn’t gonna make men come knocking at your door. Either we accept it or try playing for the other team.
Bob LaBlah
@Jack Meoff: I stand corrected. Normally I skip these “in pink” articles. Thank you.
Brian
Asians have an obedient, oppressive culture that is full of corruption. On a personal level, Asian men can be very physically attractive but their culture is based on obedience.
I think Asian men need to stop complaining about how others perceive them on a sexual level and start trying to fix up their native countries.
zxcv
You sound a bit like White Nationalist. Their Native country/ As in your native country is soewhere in Europe?
Alistair Wiseman
There are a couple of different American male archetypes, but “feminine” and “demure” is not one of them – thankfully.
zxcv
Anglo & racist is an expected combination (your name)
ppp111
@Brian:
Normally, I find myself disagreeing with you but in this case I couldn’t agree more.
Violent Rainbow
I would have thought the answer was BLATANTLY obvious, it’s because gay men are attracted to MEN and Asian men are already the smallest and least masculine looking men, if you add effeminate to that you might as well be dating a woman. I, and most gay men I know, prefer men who look like and act like actual men. Sorry we have sexual preferences, fucking sue us.
Jack Meoff
I would seriously love to hear an Asian mans response to the above comment.
Tobi
@Violent Rainbow: “Asian men are already the smallest and least masculine looking men.”
Oh, you’ve so obviously never travelled much beyond your front door. If you ever manage to haul yourself off the couch, grab yourself one of those strange things called a passport, hop on a plane to Thailand, and give Tawan in Bangkok a try.
http://d.pr/Rka3
griffin87
@Jack Meoff: there’s no point Jack, her name is ‘Violent Rainbow’. Just let her be, she sounds like one of those that as soon as she opens her mouth, purses fall out anyways.. 😉
Louis
@Violent Rainbow: I am so tired of divisive attitudes like yours get over yourself already it doesnt make you special or more significant simply because you deem yourself as more of a MAN then others are.
There is nothing wrong with gay men who are any of these things your intolerance and self hate and self loathing is YOUR problem not theirs so stop making our community look like absolute hypocrites in regards to showing TOLERANCE and empathy towards one another.
Another one who belongs on fox news another gay man acting more like an insensitive macho Fox News anchor who lacks class tact and empathy.
zxcv
+1
viveutvivas
The premise that “Western culture” and Greek philosophy prize extroversion is faulty. In fact, the American form of extroversion is frowned upon in much of Europe and Britain.
declan2
@Eye of the Beholder:
This article is not just talking about how effeminate Asians as not being seen as sexually attractive but also about the gay community shunning effeminate guys and/or Asian guys as a whole;as a segment of our community being who they are
It’s fine if you don’t desire hem sexually but the gay community needs to do a better job of supporting/accepting this part of the community. Effeminate guys get shamed enough by the straight community -they dont need to get that from the gay community as well.
After all, it was the most fem. queens at Stonewall who got things rolling.
Kangol
I hate to have to say this, but Queerty loves to mock Donald Trump, whom I abhor, but it’s just as r@cist. Yet again, you have a page full of articles, with only two about people who aren’t white. Both people of color shown (John Cho and Louis Smith) are straight (of course). And the only article about Asian people is again something NEGATIVE! Why no positive articles about GAY ASIAN AMERICANS? GAY BLACK PEOPLE? GAY people of color? Seriously, Queerty, you should stop trashing Trump, because your liberal r@cism is just as bad. What is it going to take for this site to change?
zxcv
+!1 re. people of color
o.codone
Asian + Gay + Effeminate = Best bottoms ever.
zxcv
Rcist much??
zxcv
typo: racist
bebop beep
@ppp111: You realize your message basically says, “Just learn to accept white superiority,” right?
@Eye of the Beholder: Why is our community’s standard a gym bunny? The actual “standard” for humanity is heterosexuality, why don’t you go impregnate a woman if you’re so good at changing yourself to follow standards? The fact is the gay community built itself on BREAKING standards and being proud of who we are, so who are you to say we need to fit a “physical standard?”
@Eye of the Beholder: Doesn’t seem like you’re actually “jk” about being a “gym bully,” and it’s not “finger pointing” to point out racism and prejudice.
I do find it telling that all the racists are becoming more vitriolically vocal about their desires to discriminate and hold prejudice against people who are different from them. You don’t necessarily have to love everybody but there is absolutely no reason to project so much hate and prejudice, which is what the original poster is complaining about experiencing, and what many commenters here are displaying.
Bob LaBlah
@o.codone: Have you notice how long it takes a comment to post once you’ve hit the Post Comment button? Your comment is actually being screened before it post and if it doesn’t like ONE word you put in it the entire comment gets rejected.
captainburrito
@Brian: Why would americans need to fix up the countries of their ancestors before they can right wrongs in their country of citizenship? This smacks of the arguments by those opposed to gay marriage who would say we shouldn’t be distracted by this whilst there are “more important” problems around us.
That is dodging and dismissing the problem.
captainburrito
@Captain Obvious: I’ve seen men of all races i would date, is it ok for me to point this out? The person is not even necessarily talking about dating anyway nor is it confined to the gay community but permeates all aspects of society.
Even in hollywood they could cast the most badass asian eg. Chow Yun Fat and if he was white there would be token romance with the female lead but since he was asian there was no romance at all. If an asian man is with a pretty girl, i have witnessed white and other non-asian men murmur things which boil down to him being asian and unworthy.
This even transcends asian men. The racism extends to females who are seen as mail order brides or obedient and submissive. I watch with amusement as white people view my tiny sister as this obedient and submissive little doll and expect my 6ft 4 and huge white brother in law to be in charge. But in fact i pity my bro in law as he has to get authorization from my sister for the smallest things and never wins an argument despite being a lawyer. The treatment of her is simply due to stereotypes and racism.
If someone is not attracted to x race that is fine but to be treated as inferior just because of our race is racism. In the case of asian men who are effeminate it is simply more garnish for existing attitudes.
Uncle Mark
@dwes09: I couldn’t agree with you more !! Isn’t this a variation on an article posted 10 months ago about a gay Asian man, who was fed up with being ignored in the gay community, primarily by his preferred demographic of Whites and some Asians? The responses are almost identical to last time:
1) Comments condemning a “biased” community
2) Comments expressing that everyone has their own preferences
3) Comments expressing a racial stereotype
4) Comments condemning/disputing the racial stereotyping
I’ve stopped reading Queerty almost 9 months ago because of articles like this, and upon visiting it, today, I see it hasn’t changed. See ya.
o.codone
@Bob LaBlah: Yeah. The word rac*ist never gets through. That wait time is just one of the editor’s mothers’ reading through everything we’re trying to post. hahahaha.
stranded
Why use a photo of heterosexual John Cho when you had a perfect example with Drag race star Kim Chi who’s finale song was “fat, fem and Asian” or Alec Mapa who had a standup special called “no fats fems or asians?”
dean089
@UncleFloppy: I wondered that myself. It seems intentionally confusing.
dean089
So what kind of guy(s) is he looking for? I really dig Asian guys but can’t find any.
jonasalden
@Brian: Unless you’re Asian and your “native” country IS the United States, in which case…
SonOfKings
I, personally, find the relative softness, refinement (and cleanliness) of East Asian men to be very attractive. But, it is a taste I acquired through years of experience and experimentation with Asians of that variety: smooth, soft-spoken, passionate, and sensual. If you’re looking to be manhandled, aggressively topped, and tossed around the room, this may not be the ticket for you. There are some Asian men at my gym who defy the stereotype. They are more physically robust (tall and muscular), have thuggish-looking tatoos, and deep voices. But, they are more the exception than the rule. This is a conversation worth having, and at the end of the day, we all have to work with what we’ve got.
rmarin776
It’s creepy to call an attraction to any race an “acquired taste”. This is not flattering – even if you think you are being complementary.
zxcv
+1
junk4sts
This topic comes up a lot, that it comes up in relation to non-white gays so often means that people are feeling like outsiders, in that way it identifies a problem of sorts, but it’s unlike general race issues, which any one of us can address on a personal level by just being open minded and kind.
Gay is about who we desire for one night stands and life partners it’s about who we have sex with, so it’s harder to address on a personal level, after all it isn’t realistic to believe that we are just going to start dating and sleeping with people that we don’t find sexually attractive.
There are men out there who want and desire guys with more feminine traits, so there probably is someone for everyone. No matter what we bring to the sexual table, we all have to put ourselves in situations where we are desired. For now that isn’t grindr or scruff if you don’t have “mainstream” attractiveness.
I feel what gays who are outside of “mainstream” feel, I’m right there with you. I feel welcome in gay public settings but I’ve been turned down by men of color as well as men of no color – and I’ve turned down both types as well when things get more “serious”.
There is more to all of us than just what we can see with our eyes, I think a lot of us, who are on the outside looking in, feel that if more guys got to know us, more guys would realize that are sexually attractive, but then I remember this isn’t about picking sides for volley ball, being gay is about sex and sexual desire. I don’t want someone who doesn’t want me and I mean that from my heart, I want to really want a guy who really wants me. Sexual desire is by nature selective and guys can’t really change who or what “turns them on”.
There isn’t and entire race I’m “Not attracted to”. For all other physical attributes, I do the “home depot” test and simply ask myself “Would I want to be seen in a home depot with this guy?” It’s simple and remarkably effective in quickly helping me find potential “Mr. Rights”.
I can believe that this guy feels marginalized by the “community” because the “community” is made up of individuals and when it comes to sex and sexual desire, even an open minded individual likes what he likes.
To the Reddit user who wrote this I say, you keep being yourself, be joyful and put yourself in places where you can been seen and heard, being gay is more than just hook-up apps and one night stands, but it is still about sex and sexual desire, so put yourself where the action is for what you have to offer.
griffin87
@dean089: why state are you in? Alaska? Lol
griffin87
@dean089: *what
gaym50ish
There is no “gay community” or “white standard” among gays. Just like straight people, we each have our own standards. Personally, I LOVE small, cute Asian men.
SonOfKings
@rmarin776: Pardon my French. I mispoke. Of course a race is not an acquired taste. What I meant to say is that my attraction to the kind of male attributes common among East Asians (smoothness, quietness, small-frame), is a taste that I acquired after years of preferring traits more common among Black and White (or mixes thereof) North American men (height, muscular bulk, body hair, extroversion, and BASS in the voice. In a sense, I think most of our tastes in astehetic and/or erotic physical and personality attributes are acquired, thus subject to change over time. And that should be a hopeful thing.
Reddelicious89
I’m sure I’m late to this however in my opinion it’s a phase many gay Asian men are trying to not be automatically grouped into. You can be free to be who you are but there are many others who have been assumed to be the submissive when that very well may not be the case. The experiences this man and many others like him can be attributed to the type of men they come across and the cultural values they hold.
jdboston617
@UncleFloppy: LMAO!!! Thank you. It’s incredibly bigoted. As if there was only one Asian we dumb non-asians would know. Ack
jdboston617
@ppp111: Meh… it’s a free country. People can complain all they want and since some dudes are real bigoted jerks about asian dudes, they should say something. It’s lame.
bebop beep
@ppp111: You realize your message basically says, “Just learn to accept white superiority,” right?
bebop beep
@Eye of the Beholder: Doesn’t seem like you’re actually “jk” about being a “gym bully,” and it’s not “finger pointing” to point out racism and prejudice.
bebop beep
@Eye of the Beholder: Why do you say our community’s standard is being a gym bunny? The fact is the gay community built itself on BREAKING standards and being proud of who we are, so who are you to say we need to fit a “physical standard?”
bebop beep
I do find it telling that all the rac*ists are becoming more vitriolically vocal about their desires to discriminate and hold prejudice against people who are different from them. You don’t necessarily have to love everybody but there is absolutely no reason to project so much hate and prejudice, which is what the original poster is complaining about experiencing, and what many commenters here are displaying.
side not: why is rac*ist a flagged word? does queerty NOT want us to point out when it occurs?
Eye of the Beholder
@declan2: It feels like me and you are on the same side declan, yet it also feels like you’re being a bit two-faced and short sighted. I’m not trying to start fighting with you, but just understand that I would rather take a pragmatic approach to him integrating successfully than telling him to lobby for reparations.
While I would greatly agree with you that the gay community is shunning Asians I would not agree that the effeminate are shunned. Even every masculine gay man has a queen side, and we all seem to revel in our own. The gay community doesn’t shame the effeminate so much as wh*res (if I may) just aren’t lusting after them once they’re all liquored up and ready to taste another man’s masculinity. But the gay community clearly celebrates male effeminacy, and every chance we get.
Now you on the other hand said that the gay community is shunning Asians lumping them in with the effeminate yet then started your next paragraph with: It’s okay if you don’t find them attractive. Really? That’s ironic. Sounds like you even missed your own point. I mean, if it’s okay with YOU then what’s your BEEF? What’s your definition of shunning, because you just said it’s okay if you don’t find them sexually attractive. That sounds a bit two-faced, and short sighted.
And the whole Stonewall argument is ridiculous. The original rioters at Stonewall could’ve been Asians; that wouldn’t change a thing. Hell, Asians could make the gay community from the ground up starting with everything from the fashions to the music, but if your d— stays limp unless a man is extra hairy then find what works.
And I think I’m doing quite a stand-up job of showing support for the integration of Asian men in the gay community. You offered nothing but criticism of my efforts but then where’s your piece of advice for him? Nowhere on this page! That’s for sure. You didn’t even acknowledge how heartfelt my post was.
Maybe what you need to do instead of sabotaging gay men offering advice is stop trying to hijack their experience for your own. Show a little bit more class, and see the Asian issue for its singularity. Now you’re just belittling them.
Eye of the Beholder
@bebop beep: “Doesn’t seem like you’re actually “jk” about being a “gym bully,””
Because I’m not straight, and I’m not trying to alienate the straight men who peruse the gay community with a one-size-fits-all blanket statement like: “They’re all gym bullies”. That’s why. Good question. I wouldn’t have expected you to get that joke. It was for dare I say Queerty’s “straight readers”.
“and it’s not “finger pointing” to point out racism and prejudice.”
I love how you just implied that it’s a White man’s job to sexually satisfy the Asian man. Look, if your d*** stays limp unless a man is extra hairy then find what works. Prejudice maybe, but racism is a hard call. You’re not going to “shame” a man’s d*** into working for you. Now if he encountered this same behavior from a paid escort you would 100% have an argument.
“Why do you say our community’s standard is being a gym bunny?”
Remember my little joke about how straight men find it easier to integrate into the gay community just for encompassing a physical standard even though THEY were the gym bullies? Maybe because the straight experience provides enough clues to learn from. Funny how you forgot that, but it was actually in your first question. What did you think he was speaking in reference to? The White skin? Did you? Now who has some explaining to do? I atleast tried to keep it classy.
“The fact is the gay community built itself on BREAKING standards and being proud of who we are, so who are you to say we need to fit a “physical standard?””
You mean who is the gay community to say that. So bully them. Oh, and watch your blood pressure while you’re trying to convince this defiant proud Asian gay man that he needs to go out and buy himself an AR to resolve the misplaced anger you felt obliged to stir up within him. Your anger sounds hella violent, and none at all too constructive.
Eye of the Beholder
The entire discussion of gay men in general not being found attractive by specifically White is pretty stupid and invalid.
As if the White man has ever been known to be particularly faithful in his own right now he officially HAS TO boink everybody. White men in the gay community must be tired, and out of breath. And you may get f***ed by him, but good luck on getting that return phone call. You argued for a pittance, and you got one.
And if you’ve ever turned down anybody yourself for whatever your reason then congratulations hypocrite: You can’t talk, because you had your reasons too! Duh. Everybody does, but suddenly everybody wants to play victim too.
I’d hate to be the White guy who gets turned down for all of this, but who still has to suffer through all of this hate talk. You’re not having sex with Brad Pitt so take whatever White man you can get. End of discussion.
Eye of the Beholder
@junk4sts: “it’s harder to address on a personal level, after all it isn’t realistic to believe that we are just going to start dating and sleeping with people that we don’t find sexually attractive.”
I couldn’t agree more.
Eye of the Beholder
This is so stupid. This system won’t let me publish 3 simple paragraphs.
Eye of the Beholder
I took a pragmatic approach. There’s no sense getting him to voice what he can’t unlearn if he should get a date with what he wants. Regardless of the article the title still seems to read: “Man Seeks Advice”. Don’t know how so many missed that. So I gave advice — thank you very much!!
Eye of the Beholder
Imagine him not accept-ng that s-meone j-st c-me out of their comfort zone and says: “You’re a this and a that, and my progressive friends think you OWE ME!”
Such a misguided entitlement…
Some of the posters here did nothing but criticize those of us offering advice, and offered him nothing constructive. Just short-sighted rhetoric, and angry History lessons that are neither here nor there.
Eye of the Beholder
You see that? I had to chop that up into 5 different posts because this stupid had an entire word phrase banned. “Some-ne j-st ca-e” is banned.
Eye of the Beholder
stupid system
surreal33
I will never understand as a gay man why with all the hell, torment, self-doubt, discrimination, risk, faced daily as a gay man would you seek out a NELLY, WEAK, FEM BOT?
Isn’t the reason we sacrifice so much as gay men because seek, love and want a masculine counterpart? Therefore isn’t counterproductive to want a feminine man?
bebop beep
@Eye of the Beholder: No one is asking you to have sex with an asian man. No one is implying that it is your job as a “white man.” Your own narcissism seems to be making you think that that is what is being asked here.
The issue is the fem-shaming and people like you who tell others they need to conform and fit a “physical standard” of going to the gym to get muscular. There are plenty of people in our community who don’t agree with your standard, yet you feel the need to lecture about it as if it were fact, and perpetuate shaming others. You don’t speak for the entire community, you don’t get to set standards for other people, and if someone points out that the so-called-advice you’re giving is bigoted and hurtful, you don’t get to pretend that you aren’t a rac-ist.
bebop beep
@Eye of the Beholder: in your response to @declan2: Please look up the difference between “integration” and “assimilation.” You aren’t promoting “integration,” you are saying “you must change yourself to be just like us and deny your original identity.” Maybe you meant it to be “heartfelt” but you’re literally telling people that they can’t just be who they are naturally.
bebop beep
To everyone who has somehow misinterpreted the headline:
The reddit poster is NOT asking, “Why won’t white men have sex with me?”
The question is, “Why is being effeminate frowned upon?”
Read the title and the article again before spewing rac-ist garbage.
Minyassa
I think the issue is the circles he’s hanging with. There are always going to be parts of any culture that are hung up on one particular aesthetic and have their preferences and attractions completely shaped by that, but there are *plenty* of people who aren’t. If he’s running into only men who think that a man has to be tall, beefy, hairy and extroverted in order to be masculine, he’s looking in the wrong community. Plenty of men are attracted to sleek musculature, calm, reserve and poise, grace, more delicate bone structure and other things that them rough-and-tumble boys tend to label “feminine”. Not everyone sees a man with a smaller frame and automatically thinks “bottom”. It basically comes to this: if the people you’re associating with have a very limited set of attraction triggers, look past them to people that don’t. They are out there, it’s not even that rare. They’re just not as loud as the so-called “mainstream”.
joeboyle49
I WOULD OVE TO HAVE A GAY ASIAN BTTM MALE FOR MY PARTNER THERES NOT ANY AROUND HERE THAT I NOW OF.
Eye of the Beholder
@bebop beep: I’M BLACK YOU COMPLETE IMBECILE!!!!!! AND FOR THE LAST TIME STOP TELLING ME I’M GIVING BAD ADVICE WHILE THE ONLY THING YOUR B-TCH A– CAN DO IS CRITICIZE THOSE OF US TRYING TO GIVE HIM PRAGMATIC ADVICE!!!!!!!! YOU DON’T READ!!!! YOU PROBABLY CAN’T READ!!!!!!! AND YOU’RE JUST AN ANTI-ASIAN GAY TWIT TRYING TO GET SOMEBODY TO FIGHT A SOME FUTILE RACE WAR FOR YOU THAT YOU REFUSE TO GET YOUR OWN HANDS DIRTY IN!!!!!!! OWN UP TO IT B-TCH BECAUSE YOU HAVE BEEN MORE THAN CAUGHT OUT THERE!!!!!!!! I SUGGEST YOU START TAKING POSTS AT FACE VALUE NEXT TIME BECAUSE YOU’VE PROVEN YOU KNOW NOTHING!!!!! NOW GIVE YOUR C-NT A REST!!!!!
Eye of the Beholder
@bebop beep: AND YOU CAN STOP TRYING TO GET ATTENTION B-TCH RESPONDING TO POSTS MEANT FOR OTHER PEOPLE!!!! YOU’RE A TROLL CAUGHT RED HANDED!!!!!! AND THE POINT I MADE ABOUT TRYING TO TAKE THE SINGULARITY OF THIS ISSUE AWAY FROM ASIANS BY WATERING IT DOWN TO INCLUDE YOUR B-LL SH-T EFFEMINISM ISSUE STILL STANDS QUEEN!!!!!!! STOP TRYING TO GET THE ASIANS TO FIGHT YOUR EFFEMINISM BATTLES FOR YOU QUEEN!!!!! IF YOU HAD ANY SENSE OF LOGIC YOU’D UNDERSTAND HOW RA-IST YOU’VE BEEN FOR CALLING HIM A QUEEN JUST FOR BEING ASIAN!!!!! ASIANS CAN AND HAVE BEEN MORE MASCULINE THAN SOME OF YOU F-GS REFUSING TO ADMIT FAULT IN YOUR OWN MISCONCEPTION OF HOW GAY SEX WORKS EVER WILL BE!!!!!!! AND I DIDN’T SAY HE HAD TO CONFORM BUT IF HE WANTS TO KEEP BEING REJECTED THAN HE CAN FOLLOW YOUR HORRENDOUS EXAMPLE UNTIL HE (JUST LIKE YOU WILL) COMMITS SUICIDE!!!!! NOW F-CK OFF YOU LONELY EFFEMINATE RA-IST QUEER!!!!!!!
Eye of the Beholder
@bebop beep: I AM BLACK AND YOU’RE JUST SOME FILTHY RA-IST TRYING TO GET ASIANS TO FIGHT YOUR EFFEMINISM BATTLES FOR YOU. IF YOU HAD ANY SENSE OF LOGIC YOU’D UNDERSTAND HOW RA-IST YOU’VE BEEN FOR CALLING HIM A QUEEN JUST FOR BEING ASIAN. ASIANS CAN AND HAVE BEEN MORE MASCULINE THAN SOME OF YOU F-GS REFUSING TO ADMIT FAULT IN YOUR OWN MISCONCEPTION OF HOW GAY SEX WORKS EVER WILL BE. AND I DIDN’T SAY HE HAD TO CONFORM BUT IF HE WANTS TO KEEP BEING REJECTED THAN HE CAN FOLLOW YOUR HORRENDOUS EXAMPLE UNTIL HE (JUST LIKE YOU WILL) COMMITS SUICIDE. AND THE POINT I MADE ABOUT YOU CONSTANTLY TRYING TO TAKE THE SINGULARITY OF THIS ISSUE AWAY FROM ASIANS BY WATERING IT DOWN TO INCLUDE YOUR B-LL SH-T EFFEMINISM ISSUE STILL STANDS. YOU MUST REALLY HATE ASIANS. YOU OFFERED NOTHING HE COULD USE BUT YOU SURE TRIED TO MUZZLE THOSE OF US OFFERING ADVICE.
Eye of the Beholder
You got a lot of nerve pretending you didn’t know I was Black. You read the post I sent to declan didn’t you so how are you expecting me to believe that you didn’t read the rest? Little Miss Selection. Effeminate indeed.
How ra-ist do you get? You just want Asians to fight your little effeminacy battle for you. You are an effeminate conspiring weasel, and the gay community celebrates male effeminacy every chance we get. Can’t fight it on your own? Hate knowing that an Asian is just gym membership away from leaving you in the dust? It’s no man’s job to sexually satisfy you in bed queen. You’re a legit bon-r killer. Buy a clue!
But since you’re pretending you didn’t read it then here’s a repost:
The entire discussion of gay men in general not being found attractive by specifically White is pretty stupid and invalid.
As if the White man has ever been known to be particularly faithful in his own right now he officially HAS TO boink everybody. White men in the gay community must be tired, and out of breath. And you may get f***ed by him, but good luck on getting that return phone call. You argued for a pittance, and you got one.
And if you’ve ever turned down anybody yourself for whatever your reason then congratulations hypocrite: You can’t talk, because you had your reasons too! Duh. Everybody does, but suddenly everybody wants to play victim too.
@junk4sts: “it’s harder to address on a personal level, after all it isn’t realistic to believe that we are just going to start dating and sleeping with people that we don’t find sexually attractive.”
I couldn’t agree more.
I took a pragmatic approach. There’s no sense getting him to voice what he can’t unlearn just to fight somebody else’s effeminacy issues or body image issues in case he should get a date with the man he wants. Regardless of the article the title still seems to read: “Man Seeks Advice”. Don’t know how so many missed that. So I gave advice — thank you very much!!
Some of the posters here did nothing but criticize those of us offering advice, and offered him nothing constructive. Just short-sighted rhetoric, and angry History lessons that are neither here nor there.
rmarin776
Because the gay community is rac*st and misogynistic? And many gay men are narcissistic and looking to remedy their own feelings of rejection by finding a “perfect” boyfriend who doesn’t leave them open to judgment – and who suggests, like a good job, nice apartment, gym body, etc. that the man in question just might have won the status war?
*** I had to repost this because queerty apparently bans the word rac*st. Someone needs to change this since the discussion of r-ce is obviously an important one in the gay community. ATTN MODERATORS.
bebop beep
@Eye of the Beholder: Read the headline and the article again, no one is asking you or anyone else to have sex with asian men. The discussion is one about the intersection of being gay, asian, and effeminate, in a culture where some people (evidently like you) are so insecure with their own masculinity that they feel the need to project it on others. As @Minyassa: says, there are plenty of people in our community who don’t believe in your so-called mainstream standard, and the important thing is to ignore people like you and look for less superficial people to be around.
Eye of the Beholder
@bebop beep: Embarrassed because you labeled me White for giving constructive advice? Must be.
Now YOU re-read the title of the article you troll because it says “Man Seeks Advice” so give him some advice where we all can read it already, and stop criticizing random gay people who lent a sympathetic ear. Where were YOU trying to help? Nowhere on this page. Being 2 faced accomplished nothing. Either that or f— off with your BS witch hunt.
And effeminacy IS a choice! Asians aren’t effeminate. You’re just painting them with effeminacy, because you’re ra-ist trying to malign their image. That’s why I also advocated for looking at the 2 issues separately. You’re just a sad sack queen trying to get someone else to fight your effeminacy battles with you for you!
There’s no reason why Asian and effeminate should go hand-in-hand. He could stop listening to self-indulgent queens such as yourself, and lead a more active lifestyle so you can take your Minyassa quote and stuff it. You’re both WRONG & BIASED!!
Eye of the Beholder
@bebop beep: And what the Hell were you doing on the computer Saturday night half past midnight? Girl, you need to find you a good niteclub! I hope you atleast fixed yourself a nice drink while you was apparently up flaming me for the umpteenth time.
Eye of the Beholder
@bebop beep: I’m not Asian, and I’m not trying to fight this battle for them. We can still be friends AND have differing views on effeminacy in the gay community, but the issue seems a bit of a plot where a select few (ie. Asians) may be concerned. Pardon my rudeness if I choose not to respond on this topic atlength anymore.
Eye of the Beholder
@bebop beep: Wait. I just read how you trolled my name wherever you saw it on any page I commented on claiming you weren’t just salaciously flirted with me. Triggered? Let me tell you something you effeminate queer: You are not my type, and a ra-ist queen like you never could be. Now give it a rest, and f-ck off you lonely Asian hating c-nt!!
astro.dude
I don’t understand. If there’s nothing wrong with being feminine, why don’t feminine guys just date each other. The complaint from feminine guys seems to be that the masculine guys don’t find them attractive. DUH! Why would a dude who watches sports and spends tons of time in the gym want to date a guy who has never lifted and watches Bravo? The femme guys want to have their cake and eat it to: no gym time, no effort to be masculine but still be able to hook up with that muscular stud with the backwards baseball cap. Not gonna happen. In the M4M world, you need to project the image that you’re looking to attract. “Opposites Attract” is for straight people.