Dylan Jones likes, er, loves sex. He’s had more sexual partners than he can even remember. And no, he’s not apologizing for it.
In a new op-ed titled Calling All Slut-Shamers: There’s No Such Thing As Too Much Sex, Jones explains why he’s so over people criticizing him for his supercharged libido.
Related: What Slut Shaming Really Says About The Gay Community
Jones estimates his number of paramours falls “somewhere around the four hundred mark. An average of two every week for four years. And that’s not even counting weekends.”
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“I’m not remotely insecure about it,” he writes. “I have absolutely no shame.”
He recalls an incident that happened while he was at a party a few months ago.
“The subject of sexual headcount came up, as it often does,” he says. “I gave my (estimated) figure, and a creature wearing a Topman t-shirt and a judgmental brand of hair gel piped up: ‘Oh so you’re a slut then?’ I didn’t know how to respond.”
This got him thinking: “Like, what’s your definition of ‘slut’? What does the word ‘slut’ even mean? Is there a number on it? Like, if you’ve slept with 29 people you’re not a slut, but if you’ve slept with 30, you are?”
Related: Steve Grand Wants Everyone To Stop Posting His “Half Naked” Pics, Accuses Queerty Of “Slut Shaming”
Slut-shaming, Jones says, is a real problem among gay men. In fact, he gets it more from them than any other group of people.
“I’ve only ever been slut-shamed by other gay men,” he says. “Girls are usually fairly indifferent, and straight men are usually envious.”
“It’s quite clear to me that the reason a lot of gay men slut-shame is because of their own insecurities,” he continues. “If they encounter someone who’s unapologetically sexually active, it can be threatening, and perhaps makes a little dose of self-loathing homophobia bubble to the surface.”
Jones calls the whole thing “ridiculous.”
“It’s impossible to have too much sex,” he proclaims. “As long you’re comfortable with what you’re doing and go about it safely, THERE. IS. NO. SUCH. THING. AS. TOO. MUCH. SEX. How can there be?”
“Unless you’re religious,” he continues, “there’s no reason why it should have any moral implications for yourself or anyone else. It’s quite simply putting one part of your body into another part of someone else’s body, or vice versa.”
“If you’re uncomfortable with how much sex I have, you’re entitled to your opinion,” Jones concludes. “Just don’t judge me when you meet me at parties. And use a different brand of hair gel. Who knows, you might even get laid.”
Marky
*rolls eyes*
Kieru
While I agree with his sentiment that there is no such thing as ‘too much sex’, I can certainly appreciate anyones hesitation at hearing his number.
An increased number of sexual partners can be indicative of underlying mental health issues. It’s quite common for people to use sex to distract from real world problems, or to (pardon the pun) fill a hole in their lives. Sex feels GOOD, and from a biological perspective the very act of sex inhibits our ability to focus ones thoughts… so fewer opportunities to fixate on your problems.
So for me it would be a pretty big red flag. Does this guy just have a healthy libido and a similarly-healthy outlook on the joys of sex, or is he just using sex to avoid his problems? If so, do I want to be part of his distraction and risk being drawn into his drama when the inevitable confrontation with reality occurs? Probably not.
KiDAciDic
….ok…??? Oh and Ive learned that hair gel is capable of judgement???
Mykey
You’re still a slut! Nothing wrong with that!!
notevenwrong
I’ve been called “slut” as a compliment. Maybe it wasn’t meant as an insult.
I can easily see having sex with more than two people a week (I’ve averaged more than that), but for there to be two *new* people every week would be really difficult. Even in fairly large cities, the gay community is usually pretty inbred.
onthemark
Only 400?
money718
400 is not a lot, especially if you live in a major city
onthemark
@Kieru: I have to agree with you somewhat – maybe an underlying mental health issue. I’d venture to guess that most young “sluts” in his situation eventually find maybe 2 or 3 (or 4 or 5) regular sex buds, with whom the sex is particularly good, rather than keep on looking incessantly for 2 or 3 new total strangers per week.
I also wonder about his completely losing count. He should at least keep a rudimentary record of some sort (perhaps coded?) to keep track. This reminds of Oscar Wilde’s remark: “I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train.”
IDoNotHaveToAgreeWithYou
Low standards help someone rack up big numbers fast.
TSizzle
Ok, lets get real here. if you sleep with 400 people, you are a slut plain and simple. while I haven’t had 400 partners between men and women, (at least I don’t think), I was a slut during high school and college. Own that shit. “Oh I’ve roughly slept with 400 people” “oh so you must be a slut then” “you damn right Im a slut and proud of it” thats how you handle that situation. there is nothing wrong with a sexual appetite. My bf and I had sex 4 times before he left for work yesterday and wanted more. When im single Im a slut. When im in a committed relationship I am a slut for my partner.
Own who the fuck you are or, OR, if you don’t want to be “shamed”, then keep what you do in your bedroom and with who to yourself and your partners. this isn’t fucking rocket science.
CityBoy300
@Kieru – I can’t share this sentiment. While it may be unwillingness to commit, it may be also equally characterized as “enjoying your youth.” When I was young and single in Washington DC in the early 80s, I went through scores of men – one-night stands, flings, brief relationships. I was in a 2-year program, so why not skip the relationship part and just enjoy the honeymoon phase? I was likewise frisky through most of my 20s, until I met The One. (Or so I thought.) During that 2-year relationship, I was totally monogamous. Six months after he and I broke up, I met The Real One – 24 years later, we’re still together, and still monogamous, and still sexually active. But I have never once regretted my hyper-active youth. Dylan, have your self a ball. (Most times, they come in pairs.)
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
“Unless you’re religious,” he continues, “there’s no reason why it should have any moral implications for yourself or anyone else. It’s quite simply putting one part of your body into another part of someone else’s body, or vice versa
An alternative philosophical non-religious perspective:
Act that you use humanity, whether in your person or in another, always at the same time as an end, never merely as a means.
— Immanuel Kant
BTW I totally understand that the urge to suck on the ever expanding dick of oppression and victimhood Is overpowering in the current culture.. but maybe try avoiding such “slut-shame” martyrdom trauma by y’know keeping shit to yourself or to those who need to know
GC1985
We have people in here saying “only 400”? Jeez. Are you kidding me?
I am sure he has a variety of STDs. In addition, he probably has self esteem issues and perhaps some mental health problems.
I am grossed out.
o.codone
The last sentence says it all.
“Who knows, you might even get laid”.
He throws it in your face.
Slut.
throwslikeagirl
Four hundred? Well, that’s a good start. But he’s still young…
Karlis
I do have to say that I would happily become #401. 🙂
AtticusBennett
bravo.
i certainly won’t ever apologize for, or ever feel badly about, the amount of sex i’ve had and CONTINUE to have.
people who attempt to “slut-shame” are pretty much the same as the insecure gay men who attempt to “fem shame” = you’re just broadcasting to everyone that you still live every day worrying about What Kind of Person People Think You Are.
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
@throwslikeagirl: LOL
AtticusBennett
side note – guys who get embarrassed about going to the Men’s Clinics for STI tests or whatnot. don’t be embarrassed. there’s nothing shameful about being sexually active and taking proactive responsible control of your sexual life.
Bauhaus
Interesting – having more partners doesn’t necessarily mean one is having more/more frequent sex.
Paco
Out of those 400 sexual encounters, I wonder how many times he needed to follow up with a shot of penicillin for an oozing infection.
SteveDenver
Quantity or Quality? Maybe both, probably not.
I would rather please one lover 400 times than 400 lovers once. That’s our personal difference. He’s cute, but knowing his behavior is too high risk for me.
Xtian99
Full disclosure- I am pretty slutty. Having said that, slut shaming is so much more about the shamer, than the so called “slut”, just as bullying is about the bully and his issues, and not the person being bullied. Shamers are inevitably hypocrites with deep insecurities (I am not hot or desirable enough to get more sex, or I secretly feel my gayness is bad) so they have knee jerk reactions to people who have sex often and are not hung up about it, etc. The best is when a shamer judges then tries to corner you alone after … the hypocrisy in an instant wood killer. Agreed that some men use sex as others use drugs or booze, to fill holes and pave over emotional landmines they cannot deal with, but you can usually spot that kind of desperate train wreck pretty easily and see there are other issues at play. And on the flip side, some men do NOT use sex fill holes and pave over emotional landmines…they just like sex. They, like many women, can be ethical sluts. Sex is good between consenting adults taking precautions, like food and water and sleep – we need it and it is good for us.
redcarpet30
400 people?! It’s not that it’s slutty, I just don’t see how someone can have the time or patience to spend finding 400 people to fuck! I’d be bored and fed up by then.
AtticusBennett
@Xtian99: BRAVO.
indeed. no school bully is a top student that teachers like and who has a great homelife. they lash out because of all that they hate about themselves and their own lives.
same with those who try to “slut shame”
Juanjo
When I was in my teens, twenties and thirties having sex twice a month was a very common experience. It was not like I was spending my entire day cruising for sex or spending the entire day having sex when I did have sex. Now maybe that means I was a slut back then. I prefer to thin of it as having a very active libido.
Billy Budd
During the early 2000’s I was a total complete absulute SLUT. I’ve fucked at least a hundred different people in a short period of time. I don’t regret A SINGLE THING I DID. I always used condoms and apart from getting herpes inside my left cheek, I had no negative consequences whatsoever and had A LOT OF FUN fucking around. Promiscuity is good. Promiscuity can be awesome. I am not promiscuous anymore but I have nothing, nothing against it.
scotshot
I’ve been both a slut and abstinent, both for extended periods of time. Either is a personal decision.
I’ve found that the shakers themselves often have more problems than the one they attempt to shame. Want to judge? Go be christian.
onthemark
@SteveDenver: “Quantity or Quality? Maybe both, probably not.” That’s it – as a former slut myself, I think there’s nothing wrong with what he’s doing but if he’s focusing ONLY on quantity it’s maybe just a little too… obsessional.
I also wonder about his gay male non-sexual friendships – IF ANY – and if he’s still getting to work on time, etc., stuff like that.
[email protected]
I approve wholeheartedly of LOVE–whether for an hour, a minute, or a lifetime. Do it!
onthemark
He seems like he may have undiagnosed autism. (Been there done that, in my 20s.)
@o.codone: What’s your point, you’ve still never been laid? 🙁
@GC1985: I thought you said you gave up being judgmental? 🙂
Kieru
@CityBoy300: I appreciate your candor but I would argue that it’s not a sentiment. It’s a quantifiable, observable, objective statement. No, not every person with a high number of sexual partners has some underlying issues you might want to be aware of – but yes sex (especially a large number of one night stands, casual encounters, high risk encounters, etc) can often be linked to any number of underlying mental health issues.
Sex is an immensely versatile (hah!) tool that can function as a coping mechanism, a defense strategy, a way to exert power or control, a way to distract…
And yeah this guy could totally just have a completely sensible, healthy relationship with his body and his sexual appetite and desires. He could also be using sex for any of the above reasons, due to some underlying issue.
My point is; if you plan on sticking it in someone like this, it’s in your best interests to figure that out beforehand. ESPECIALLY if it’s going to be more than a one-and-done or you’re going in sans condom.
Kangol
Lucky him! The more sex the better!
So long as he’s taking care of himself and having safe, consensual sex with other adults, what’s the problem?
Isn’t that what gay liberation was about?
brparkrunner
@IDoNotHaveToAgreeWithYou: “Low standards help someone rack up big numbers fast.” He has to have great intuition to find hook ups with low standards. Otherwise, it’s an unbelievable story.
jr111585
@o.codone: As if that wasn’t enough, what about this part and how he said it: “…and a creature wearing a Topman t-shirt and a judgmental brand of hair gel piped up…”
OH, LOOKIE HERE! ANOTHER gay man who looks down on other gay men who aren’t like him, who swears that he is hot shit when in reality he is nothing but cold diarrhea.
Your shit stinks, too, buddy! Don’t get it twisted– you are no better. I mean, after reading this post you are CLEARLY no better than any one person! ??
jr111585
@Xtian99: No
lies here, to be completely honest…
jr111585
@onthemark: how did you get autism out of this story and his situation?? wtf
jr111585
@AtticusBennett: AMEN! EVERY gay man needs to know this. There is NOTHING shameful about getting tested or treated. NOTHING shameful about it. If anything, you are a much stronger man for being able to look out for yourself and care for yourself by going out and getting tested regularly.
cabe
If you’ve had 400 sex partners you are a sex addict, for sure. You are also most likely a walking petri dish of every STD known to man and have higher odds of being HiV positive. Those are reasons why others may look at you to be a toxic timebomb.
Lastly, why would you want to announce to the world you’ve had 400 partners unless you are looking for a certain reaction?
galatians328
Please … who cares, really how many legally competent and capable human persons he/she/they/ze has sexual intercours with? … really? Stop ‘slut shaming’ the dude.
AND, since you don’t want to shame him/her/them/zem for their competent, capable, mutually consenting sexual behavior … despite the costs it might have for lost work time, poor quality performance at work (after all, that much intercourse can impact your work adversely) … and despite the costs it might have others because of increased use of health care resources that eventually raises YOUR health premiums and co-pays
therefore let’s NEVER EVER EVER … EVER hear any of you say a single word to shame fat people (who crush against you in the seat next to you), and you must never ever ever … ever speak ill of alcoholic or otherwise addicted beggars who pee in the lobby of your apartment building,etc, and of course you’ll never ever ever … ever say anything but good of those religious fundamentalists who ‘cling to their Bibles’ and go to church more times a year than this dude has intercourse, etc
bottom250
I am in tears over this sweethearts. So what if queens like myself enjoy sex why should we be put down for bringing joy to so many men.
cabe
@Kangol:
@AtticusBennett:
I don’t even know what this phrase “slut shaming” means. I’ve heard plenty of guys jokingly call friends sluts but I honestly never heard anyone make a serious judgement just because they are being puritanical about sex. Some do make comments to show their concern due to the fact that more partners means higher risk of STDs and HIV. And if you have an STD its probably not a great idea to be spreading your goods around. But these are medical concerns which are drawing criticism and not a moral brow beating about being “slutty”
Poncho Sanchez
Gore Vidal claims to of had thousands of sex partners, honestly, in the gay world its not that hard to do, me personally, I rather just stick to some good friends with benefits, don’t need nor even want 400 strangers.
Wilberforce
Here we go again. Slut shamming is just the latest way to distract from the spread of hiv. In my experience, the community is totally sex supportive. I’ve never heard anyone called a slut except as a joke.
The term slut shamming is used to shut down criticism of those who practice unsafe sex. It’s the latest in a long line of word games going back thirty-five years. It’s gotten very boring.
billjones
You gotta feel sorry for someone who think sex is “simply putting one part of your body into another part of someone else’s body, or vice versa.”
ThomOnTheLoose
Sex is a wonderful part of life and can give people pleasure. It’s who we are as humans. Dylan Jones has figured out what works for him … good for him! To ‘Slut shame” him is stupid. Oh, and I’d certainly get naked with him!
Hussain-TheCanadian
I think the main reason why people don’t look kindly on those who have sex with “alot” of different people is because its a sign of something deeper than simply having sex – For me, it gives me a sign the person in question does not know, nor is satisfied with one person; commitment is important for me; if you cannot control your urges, and willing to give up your body to anyone, it says alot more about you on multiple levels than it says about the person criticizing you – Even though I agree that the person who shames or criticizes got issues of their own as well.
This is why straight or gay people look down on Sex workers; it diminishes the feeling of position we feel with our partners; when someone is “shared” with others, it attacks those feelings of “coveting” and “owning”.
Philosophically, this is why slut shaming exists, and will continue to exit.
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
Having no impulse control… inability to delay gratification…lack of self-restraint …is to some a BIG turn off in a potential partner; and a high body count is not in any meaningfull way a “liberation” and instead can be a deadening flight from more significant ways to connect and also ( but not always) a sign of emotional/sexual immaturity or instability. But as in everything there’s a happy medium to negotiate for yourself …(and for your next meat friction device)
Chris
I am so not a whore. I’m a slut; whores get paid.
OWN IT!
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
Where does this man fit in the time to read French symbolist poetry or collect antique Japanese Noh masks?
Dude do you even decoupage?
onthemark
@jr111585: Because he’s acting like I did in my 20s before I was diagnosed autistic. That may or may not mean anything, it may be that or something else entirely, or nothing at all, but to me the alarm goes off.
I think what he’s doing is fine but I agree with @Kieru: that there MAY be some underlying issue driving this obsessional behavior. Obviously there are a few hazards here.
imperator
I could never in good conscience call him a “slut” with any kind of judgmental or negative connotation to the word, because shit, part of me envies him, so I *know* that trying to shame him would be mostly just vulgar jealousy trying to somehow taint his experience and his self-esteem.
But I do have one reservation, for myself anyway, about the idea of having hooked up with “a couple people a week, every week (not counting weekends!)” for several years, and that is– how much time does that leave for cultivating other, more substantial interpersonal relationships? The kind that you can fall back on in ways that you can’t fall back on one-time ‘tricks?’ Because all that time finding and doing the deed with them has to come from somewhere, and has to be at some kind of ‘psychic expense.’ Even if you were the most extroverted person in the world.
I mean, how do you do all of that without occasionally blowing off friends, missing appointments, putting off family, or something? It’s just a practical dilemma that gives rise to questions about the quality of other aspects of life. For my own part I don’t see how I could juggle all those engagements without neglecting other relationships and areas of personal development, and ending up only being good at that one thing :-/
And, okay, a second reservation, I guess– did every one of those hundreds of hookups respect him? Especially the higher-numbered ones that knew their ‘standing?’ Because if they didn’t, and he went ahead with them anyway, it seems like in order to subject yourself to someone else who thinks less of you, must have some impact on what you think of yourself. Even if you subsume it or deny it after the fact, if I hooked up with someone who looked down on me I can’t help thinking that there is in that act a certain amount of acceptance of their judgment. Again, some ‘cost,’ something yielded in the flurry. What happens to your ‘signal’ amid so much noise?
If he is happy and he is fulfilled and he is healthy and growing as a person then good for him. Again, part of me’s envious for some of the good times he must have had. As an ignorant stranger with a body-count of a ‘mere’ 12 (19 if oral counts) after 16 years of sexual activity, I just wonder what had to be given up or set aside to get that much action. Surely there was something– some kind of investment otherwise that he couldn’t afford to make?
Kangol
@cabe: You wrote: If you’ve had 400 sex partners you are a sex addict, for sure. You are also most likely a walking petri dish of every STD known to man and have higher odds of being HiV positive. Those are reasons why others may look at you to be a toxic timebomb.
You are judging him. You don’t need to call him a slut to psychologize his behavior negatively (“sex addict”). So you are passing judgment. What you claim to be addiction can be viewed under other circumstances, like the gay liberation ethos of the 1970s, as enjoying sexual pleasure as fully as possible.
Also, you know nothing about his health but automatically assume he’s a “walking petri dish of every STD.” Again, do you have access to his health records? You do realize it’s possible to have lots of sex and NOT catch an STD if you use condoms and dental dams, right? I have never caught a single STD and have had lots of sex, but I’ve been careful. It’s quite possible.
Unfortunately, many people do not get tested for HIV and other STDs, some engage in riskier sex without realizing or thinking through the possible odds of seroconverting or developing a STD, and some do come down with STDs.
In terms of his sharing his sexual activity with the world, why not? People share far more banal (my judgment) information with the world on a daily basis. Who cares what most people eat for lunch or where they decided to “check in” every other hour of the day or what their pajamas, etc. look like? This sort of info is overshared. I don’t hear about guys who can legitimately claim to have had 400 sex partners that often, though. He’s nearing Wilt Chamberlin territory.
JakebABraden
Attention seeking much!
heavylifter
@Kangol:
“like the gay liberation ethos of the 1970s, as enjoying sexual pleasure as fully as possible.”
And we all know how that ended – the Gay Plague, they were dropping like flies.
heavylifter
She is lying her tits off about practicing “safe” sex. She is a bare backer like the rest who are fueling the rampant epidemic of stds in the gay subculture.
heavylifter
And why is this news anyway? Just another standard issue shameless whore, the ground is crawling with them on “the scene”.
ShaunNJ
That sounds like a huge number, though that depends on what one defines as sex and “sleeping” with someone. Perhaps this man counts as partners guys he’s dated, maybe he’s had a group jacking session in the gym sauna, etc. Over the course of a decade or more, a casual sex life can add up in numbers. It doesn’t mean one is riddled with STDs or HIV positive, though that can happen. In the 90s j/o clubs were popular and safe outlets to let off some steam with a hot group – so you might count a few people as “partners” in such a venue. As long as this man or anyone in his position isn’t harming himself or the other guys no reason for shame or judgement imho.
jag4313
I’ve never had to deal with being slut-shamed. My number is in the 200’s and when people ask about my number they are usually shocked but never critical. For 2 years I was meeting guys on gay.com 3 – 6 nights a week so my number moved up quickly.
Terrycloth
Depends on what kind of sex it is ? What does he call sex ? Mutual masturbation sex? Or just you jerking him ? Rough sex ? Just kissing ? Condoms or not ? 400 fist ? Some guys call feeling up each other and kissing sex ..
fuckboy3000
yeah too much sex never hurt the gay community. especially during the aids epidemic of the sixties. what exactly is he trying to accomplish? to prove that he has low standards and will probably spend his entire life alone because of his sex addiction?
have lots of sex doesn’t make you a slut. having reckless, frequent sex with strangers does. there’s no merit in having no self respect. slut shaming is a natural response in instances like this. people don’t want to fuck people like him because it’s dangerous.
GC1985
@onthemark: Some go a bit too far.
@jr111585: Ocodone is a nasty person who abuses prescription meds and has bloated to a balloon. I don’t think anyone in their right mind would sleep with him.
@ShaunNJ: I think he is counting all the guys he has fucked.
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
If nothing else doesn’t he care that he won’t be able to wear white at his wedding????
Xtian99
@jr111585: no idea what your comment means…
Xtian99
@onthemark: undiagnosed autism? boy you pulled that out of your (not getting any action) ass. So here’s how that went for you. “Oh its an article about slut shaming and I really want to slut shame him but since the article is against slut shaming that would be too obvious so I will resort to pontificating that he has an undiagnosed mental issue so as to still demean him and his views in some way…” don’t thank me for the insight, I can send you PayPal account for our session. now for our next topic, those who engage in open relationships have schizophrenic tendencies and multiple personality disorder …discuss
Xtian99
@fuckboy3000: wow! “slut shaming is a natural response in instances like this. people don’t want to fuck people like him because it’s dangerous”- so then “gay bashing is a natural response …. people don’t want to not bash gay people because it [gayness] is dangerous” have fun on that line of logic… shaming is never a natural response … it is the exact opposite of “don’t judge others” and the golden rule “do unto others”… you can say its not for YOU, but your being judgmental about HIM.
onthemark
@Xtian99: Ha – as I said, I’m a former slut myself, I’m very pro-sex, in my 20s I did EXACTLY the same thing he is doing, but that was my story. So MAYBE it’s his situation too. That’s all I’m suggesting. He has several classic signs of autism. Look it up. And I’m hardly the only one here suggesting he may have an undiagnosed mental OR psychological problem of some sort. Many posters have noted that.
Anyway, how seriously can we take someone with a fucked-up screen name like “Xtian99”?
onthemark
@Xtian99: It’s funny that you accuse me of “slut-shaming.” I’ve been posting here for years and the monogamy freaks always try to slut-shame me, never the other way around. Oh well. 🙂
There is stuff we just don’t know about this guy’s overall situation, as I say in other posts above: for instance does he have ANY non-sexual friends? So I’m not saying that any slut *must* have some underlying mental or psychological problem. More like, is the sluttiness at such an obsessional, time-consuming level that it’s affecting everything else.
GC1985
Calling people monogamy freaks because they simply disagree with you isn’t going to gain you any respect.
onthemark
@GC1985: How about monogamy fanatics? 🙂
Oh, GC, you write above: “I am sure he has a variety of STDs.” !!! You’re “sure” of that, huh? Hyperbole? Clairvoyance? Wishful thinking of the monogamous, perhaps?
Xtian99
@onthemark: so everyone is doing it… so its ok … got it. And when all cogent arguments fail you… insult someone’s screen name? lol. throw a “ur momma” line in there and you will have hit middle school cliché status .. And just for some fun… per http://nationalautismassociation.org/resources/signs-of-autism/ , with my comments added…
“Autism Spectrum Disorder… Early Signs: A person with ASD might:
•Not respond to their name (the child may appear deaf)-
does not lend itself to being slut- sluts some when called
•Not point at objects or things of interest, or demonstrate interest-
does not lend itself to being slut- sluts zero in on and go after what they want very clearly
•Avoid eye contact-
does not lend itself to being slut- sluts will state you through the wall
•Want to be alone
the opposite of slutty, where we want to be with everybody!
•Have difficulty understanding, or showing understanding, or other people’s feelings or their own-
does not lend itself to being slut- sluts figure out and play to exactly what the target wants in order to get them to “let’s get out of here”
•Have no speech or delayed speech
ever met a mute slut? enough said
•Repeat words or phrases over and over (echolalia)- ever met a rain man slut standing in bar? was he getting much action?
•Give unrelated answers to questions
does not lend itself to being slut-
“hey hottie wanna knock boots”
“Blue”
“what?”
“Blue”
Ok night man”
•Flap their hands, rock their body, or spin in circles-
does not lend itself to being slut- unless your looking to take him home, throw him in the tub of hot water with a cup bleach and your whites
•Have low to no social skills – sluts have social skills, that’s how they get so much game
•Avoid or resist physical contact
this is pretty much an instant F and expulsion from, slut school”
So… good that you have impugned his mental health based on a short article on Queerty, but its still a low blow
onthemark
@Xtian99: Those are extreme, extreme, extreme examples (mostly pertaining to children). This would be a high-functioning adult we’re talking about, IF it’s applicable.
“Ever meet a mute slut?” I was close to being that.
“Avoid or resist physical contact” – refers to hugging not sex per se.
Believe me, gay sluts do not need or necessarily have ANY social skills beyond grabbing butts or crotches! Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
onthemark
@Xtian99: Also, it really pisses me off that you think I’m “impugn[ing] his mental health” simply by raising this as a possible explanation when it is my own situation! FYI, autism is not a matter of “mental health” but of identity. I’m not the one who’s being insulting here, you are.
Xtian99
@onthemark: I am just not sure why you and others cannot accept that perhaps he’s just a sexual young man telling the truth, an ethical slut whose living his life as he wants and enjoying sex, and instead the response is immediate “he’s got issues he’s got low self esteem he’s covering over emotional wounds he’s dirty damaged goods with STDS’, who will ever want to be with him – oh and he may suffer from a mental disorder too” And regardless of how you try to frame it now that you threw the stone, autism is indeed a disorder “Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is the name for a group of developmental disorders. ASD includes a wide range, “a spectrum,” of symptoms, skills, and levels of disability.” (http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/autism-spectrum-disorders-asd/index.shtml) its not bad and its not good, it just “is,” and we should accept it and allow it and celebrate those who have it as different and insightful in their own ways – maybe , oh…I dunno, just like this young man stating he’s a hyper sexual person who has a lot of sex and would like to be accepted as is and not judged?
Gay culture was born disassociated with the norms (hetero, monogamous, marriage-is-forever, one man one woman, fidelity, misogyny (guys who bang a lot of girls are studs while girls who bang a lot of guys are sluts and soiled) and so on, so to see all these gay men judging this man for his sexual appetite is crappy –
onthemark
@Xtian99: I’m not defending all of that “damaged goods” talk from other posters, or those cultural “norms.” (Wouldn’t do THAT, when I was a slut myself!) Ethical slut, sure, why not. When I read this story I had a strong sense of identification with him. That’s the only reason I brought up autism as a possibility. It may be pertinent if the sex is so obsessional that it’s affecting all other aspects of his life. Jeez this is like the 4th fucking time I’ve said that.
I’ll point out something that no one else has even brought up. At some point he has to age out of being a slut. HAS TO. When he’s 40, he may still be good-looking – less so if he smokes cigarettes – but definitely no longer at the 2-new-strangers-a-week level. THEN WHAT? Will he know what to do next?
not a clone
mmmm,, lets see, if Dylan charged a $1 for everyone he had sex with he would have $400. whoopwhooo. but Dylan gave it away free so he has $0. question class, is Dylan a slut or is he a failed entrepreneur ?
Violent Rainbow
400 people? He is a slut. I’d rather have sex with the same person 400 times than have sex with 400 different people, inevitably you will want more than just casual sex.
AtticusBennett
if any of you are actually enjoying the sex lives you have, or pretend you’re having, you’d take no issue at all with the sex Dylan’s had.
simple as that.
Paco
If it isn’t negatively impacting his life, then good for him. But there is also nothing wrong with practicing a bit of moderation with the good things in life. Living a life of extremes does have a tendency to go wrong very quickly.
youarekiddingme
@fuckboy3000: You talk about a myriad of things like reckless sex…Do you know if he had reckless sex? Your last statement you say, “…people don’t want to fuck people like him because it’s dangerous.” Obviously 400 people have so that argument is wrong too huh?
By the way…the AIDS Epidemic did NOT occur in the Sixties (as you stated). Get your facts straight!!! The AIDS Epidemic occurred in the early 1980’s (around 1891). https://www.aids.gov/hiv-aids-basics/hiv-aids-101/aids-timeline/
I don’t usually trust AIDS.gov but in this case the timeline is correct…I have no idea where you pulled the 60’s out of? I was actually there during the “Pandemic.”
heavylifter
@AtticusBennett:
Miss Bennett uploads instagram pics of her scrawny butt with pics of her niece blowing bubbles and holiday pics of her mommy.
The girl has mental problems – then again what fem doesn’t? Hyperactive, narcissistic or histrionic borderline personality disorder in the case of this special snowflake.
GC1985
@onthemark: You must always have the last word. I am right as always. If someone wants to be monogamous, stop insulting them. It shows how little class you have.
@heavylifter: I am a fem who is monogamous and has more integrity than you ever will have. So what do you heavy lift? Asides from a twelve pack of Budweiser.
SportGuy
So gross!
junk4sts
From Merriam Webster:
slut: “a promiscuous woman; especially”
promiscuous: “having or involving many sexual partners.”
Kind of rigid definitions, but if this person has truly had 400 different sexual partners in 4 years, he is promiscuous by anyone’s standard and is in fact “especially promiscuous”. Although the term defines an especially promiscous woman, it’s seem reasonable to call an “especially promiscous gay man” a slut. It is shaming if it’s the truth?
junk4sts
Slut shaming would be calling a person a slut for one highly publicized event or weekend that is out of character. This person admits to being promiscuous and is somehow offended when he’s called a slut.
AtticusBennett
@heavylifter: thanks for reminding everyone in here that you’re one more in the sad line of gay men whose fathers were ashamed of them, who troll anonymously on the internet, because you never grew the balls needed to stand up to your dad and be a real man.
we get it. you hate “fems”. because your dad made fun of them. and “the scene”, because you’re not secure enough to go out and socialize with other gay men. and you’re “masculine” – in the sense that you type anonymously on the internet, blaming everyone else for the fact that your father doesn’t love you.
and try to remember that whenever you come online to Anonymously attempt to denigrate others by calling them “fems”, you’re really just telling everyone that your dad is ashamed that you’re his son.
thanks for sharing.
btw, me and my femmy lovers : https://www.instagram.com/p/BFKoH0Nh0jd/?taken-by=atticusbennett
AtticusBennett
@GC1985: he’s your textbook stereotypically internet troll: the homely unloved boy who never stood up to his bigoted family, who mocks others on the internet from a place of anonymity. this action, his only outlet, shows what an unloved life he has. simply put – gay men who enjoy being gay men and are embraced for who they are don’t say any of the things he says. his language is exclusive to the insecure boys who never learned to stand up to their bigoted fathers.
onthemark
@GC1985: I really am sorry to be arguing with you again but you are wrong, as you SOMETIMES (not often) are. And it’s not wrong to “get the last the word in” by pointing that out. Technically you started it by saying you are “sure” Dylan has multiple STDs. But I didn’t say anything AT THE TIME back then. You don’t know he has STDs. How are so “sure” he has STDs? It’s just monogamous wishful thinking. It’s typical vengeful wishful thinking by someone who is monogamous, who desperately HOPES that everyone else will suffer the evil awful consequences of screwing around, and simply can’t believe it if they don’t. It’s no different really from what Christians do.
But okay… how about “monogamy enthusiasts”? Will that make you happy, GC? Truce? 🙂
@AtticusBennett: Oh go give your father a blow j0b you p e r v e r t. I’m agreeing with YOU here about Dylan, not the monogamous GC. What the fuck is wrong with you. (Besides the in ces t.)
onthemark
Dylan seems like a nice guy. As I say earlier I identify with him a lot; that’s my story too. (And yeah I suspect he may be high-functioning autistic. There are signs.) In my 20s, frankly I didn’t really give a sh*t much about people at an emotional level, I just wanted sex, and a lot of it. There’s nothing wrong with that, necessarily, and if someone thinks that’s wrong, that’s their problem. BUT – back then, fortunately, I also found a few serious, NON-sexual, gay male friends. I hope Dylan does too. That’s important.
I also hope he STOPS SMOKING if he’s a smoker, because you can’t stay cute for long if you smoke!
When Dylan gets to age 40 – 45, what then? Even if he wants to keep up the 2-new-strangers-a-week routine, he won’t be able to do it. I suggest “settling down” with 2 or 3 (or 4) regular sex buds. Simple, fun and effective. When Dylan gets to age 50 & over, he might even want a (gasp!) boyfriend. And he won’t have any practice at that. Yeah, that’s somewhat of a problem. But hey, guess what. There are a few other ex-sluts in the same situation. They may understand where he’s coming from.
That’s my non-judgmental, non-slut-shaming take on this. But I’m amused at the posters above who think slut-shaming in gay life doesn’t really happen! Will people slut-shame you, even years later? YES. Even twenty, even thirty years later, certain bitter nasty queens will recognize you & slut-shame you. Just see it for what it is (JEALOUSY) and enjoy your life. And if you stop smoking when you’re young, you’ll still pretty good and they will look like sh*t. Double revenge. Bwa-ha-ha.
AtticusBennett
@onthemark: i wasn’t replying to you in any way. breathe.
onthemark
@junk4sts: I see what you mean by the “dick-tionary” definition. Although it annoys me when certain bitter old queens recognize me from 20 or 30 years ago and gleefully slut-shame me (jeez, is there no statute of limitations???… bank robbers get off easier)… I realize, okay, I was a slut! But I didn’t hurt anyone, and I made some guys happy.
AtticusBennett
@onthemark: also – are we supposed to look back on our twenties and feel BAD about all the incredible sex we had!?!?
Dear Twenties, i wore you out, but DAMN did i wear you well 😛
onthemark
@AtticusBennett: Okay – you meant “heavylifter”? – pronoun threw me off, sorry.
AtticusBennett
@onthemark: yes, of COURSE> he’s the only one blowing his dad in here.
onthemark
@AtticusBennett: Right – I don’t feel bad about all the sex in my 20s. That was a LOT of fun. I don’t regret any of that (oh maybe 2 or 3 incidents, lol). My only regret is kind of vague: I wish I’d had the emotional “wiring” to get to know some of those guys a little better. Not much I could do about that. But – I played the cards I was dealt, I made some great lemonade out of lemons, and all that stuff.
onthemark
@AtticusBennett: I apologize for that. As a boomer I’m always quite mystified by your father obsession. I left home at age 17 and never looked back; I suppose that’s not really practical anymore, unless one ends up in one of those LGBT homeless shelters.
But since I always agree with you (AND Giancarlo) on strictly political stuff, I guess I can avoid petty arguments about sex stories like this one. There are plenty of right-wing lunatics here to argue with, especially our “pals” o.codone and the inimitable joeyty!
AtticusBennett
@onthemark: it aint *my* father obsession, it’s the reality that no gay man who’s embraced and accepted as he is, without conditions of Man Behavior, says the things that “heavy lifter” says.
“fem-hating gay men” = “boys who disappointed their dads”
jgm75
A slut is a slut. Slut
Liam
@Paco: I’ve had sex with over 300 men, and never once caught anything.
david310
only 400? pish… Hit that count at least years ago. And as far as you judgmental, idiots yammering about STDs blah blah blah. STD free thank you and checked regularly. In all of those guys and years, have caught chlamydia once. Painful shot, and over. Not bad odds.
so judge all you want, I’m living my life and would venture a guess: a lot happier than the prudes complaining here. But, by all means, wear your chastity belt fight and live in fear over the STD boogie man. let your fear run your life. I’m out living mine…
-Unapologetic slut
Realityis
Hey Queerty,
I’ve been with 403 men… Can I be in an article too?
Thanks
ErikO
Dylan is a puta and a walking Petri dish of STDs, what’s there to be proud about?