Family drama

Man unsure how to handle his crass 92-year-old “blow-hard granny” at his gay wedding, seeks advice

A man recently became engaged to his boyfriend, but he isn’t sure how to handle his 92-year-old grandmother at their wedding, so he’s seeking advice from columnist Ask Amy.

“My boyfriend and I (we’re gay) recently decided to get married,” the letter begins, “but my fiance and various family members are suggesting that we exclude my 92-year-old grandmother from the wedding.”

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And it’s not because she’s a crazy Christian extremist who believes all homosexuals are damned to hell, or even an old-fashioned traditionalist who just can’t seem to wrap her head around the idea of two guys getting married.

It turns out grandma is a little crass, and people just aren’t sure they want her shouting obscenities whilst lighting up a cigarette inside the church.

“My grandmother regularly shocks people,” the man explains. “She says offensive and hurtful comments to everyone to elicit a reaction, regardless of the setting or situation. She loves to call people “fat” or “dumb,” uses female pronouns for my fiance and me, and (our favorite) — lights cigarettes indoors or in restaurants.”

According to the man, his grandmother was a soap opera actress in the 1950s and 60s, and she’s still “with it,” despite her advanced age.

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“My mother asked that we invite her,” the man continues. “I called my grandmother and told her that I want to invite her to the wedding, but that I’m worried about her upsetting other guests. She laughed, and told me, ‘That’s just who I am, can’t change now,’ and made it clear that she expects to be invited.”

Sounds like a sticky situation.

In her response, Amy encourages the man not to be too distraught over his “blow-hard granny.”

“If you definitely don’t want her there, then don’t invite her (her insults toward you and your fiance are reason enough to exclude her),” she writes, “but if including her is important to your mother, then you should consider it.”

She continues, “You might be able to marginalize Granny enough that you can reduce her from being the offensive center-of-attention, to the rude, eccentric elderly lady who keeps trying to smoke at the reception hall.”

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Ultimately, Amy says, “let her know that you actually do expect her to behave differently than usual while at your wedding. Don’t hand her a microphone during the speech-making. Ask a family member or caregiver to take her home if she becomes disruptive.”

What advice would you give this man? Share your thoughts in the comments section below…