A married man has reached out for advice regarding his bisexual past. In a letter to Dear Abby, he wants to know: should he tell his wife he used to hook up with guys on a regular basis?
“I have been married 36 years to a woman who has saved my life and soul,” the man, identified only as “Different Person Now” writes. “We are both faithful to God and to our marriage, sharing the love of our family.”
“Prior to meeting her, for nearly 12 years through my military service and college years, I was actively bisexual. I’m not proud of this fact but learned it was more out of loneliness and experimentation than need.”
We’re not sure about that last bit… but anyway…
The man continues: “It weighs heavy on my heart. It melts me when she says ‘I love you’ and thanks me for sharing my life with her. I have prayed to God about this. Should I share this with my wife?”
Abby, as usual, gives sound advice.
“I see nothing positive to be gained by opening this long-closed chapter of your life with your wife at this late date,” she writes. “Because you feel the need to talk about this, do it with your spiritual adviser.”
Obviously, this man is suffering from some nasty guilt over his past same-sex experiences.
Though we wish Abby had pointed out that people are never formerly bisexual–once a queer, always a queer, as they say–her empathy shines through. The guy definitely needs some counseling.
That said, we can’t help but wonder: why, exactly, is this so bothersome to “Different Person” now? Could he be feeling lonely and craving some experimentation now?
Related: Read the horrible advice Billy Graham gave to a gay youth
Cam
Just a guess……
He misses it, and if she kicks him out he has an excuse to go out and “Lean on bisexuality out of loneliness and experimentation.”
And by the way, 12 years isn’t “Experimentation”.
Chirwa Torre Amos
Yeerrrr! The excuse is as tired as old trunks; he should have rather kept quiet instead of insulting our intelligence. And the more I keep growing in my sexuality and me, Cam, the more intolerant of men like this I become.
Hussain-TheCanadian
@ Cam
The man is a douche, he cheated on his wife for 12 years, I don’t even know why is he so “guilty” – If he was sleeping with women, would he be feeling guilty when wifey says “I love you”?
Also what does this have to do with God anyway: “We are both faithful to God” – I seriously dislike men like this who do the deed, feel guilty, and now has to share it with the rest of us – Just carry your own cross, shut your mouth, suffer in silence as pennants.
Why should he feel better at her expense?
Imagine if there is a twist to this, im thinking old school Jerry Springer, that she too has several boy toys on the side?
bodie425
Hussain-The Canadian, he slept with guys BEFORE he met his wife.
LostMyClothesAgain
I too have had a bisexual past and out of loneliness and curiosity I have experimented for 37 years with other men. Today I am blessed to be heterosexual, at least until 8pm. Praise the Lord.
Cam
You win the comment section this week. LOL
Hussain-TheCanadian
ROFL @ “AT LEAST UNTIL 8 PM”
Inspector 57
Yeah. I know what this poor man is going through. I used to smoke. But I quit today. 10 times.
Kangol2
A hilarious comment. Thank you!
surfpenis
Maybe he just wants some head and his spouse won’t give it to him. Maybe he needs an excuse to “experiment” again. Who knows, who cares ….
Leonard
Just shut your mouth the past is the past
bmelichar
I would hook up with him in a second. He is totally HOT!!!
enlightenone
Stock photo!
Inspector 57
<– censored because I tried to post a message that was critical of Queerty for carelessly, unfairly, and offensively using a stock photo to represent the subject of the article.
Inspector 57
Okay. Thanks for taking some responsibility, Queerty. My original post has been restored.
Now perhaps you could explain the relationship between that photo and “Mr. Married Man.”
Donston
The dude is likely full of shit and/or confusion and frustration. Only a guy who has had real attractions, passions, desires towards guys would even fret over this kind of stuff. If he really feels nothing for guys and has entirely moved on then this wouldn’t still be heavy on his mind over thirty years later. And of course, he’s super religious. The whole “I love god” and/or “I love my family” type stuff is often code for “I have romantic/sexual/affection-wise/relationship-wise preferences or at least strong interests towards guys but I wanted to have a traditional family in order to feel like and be seen as ‘real man’, and I wanted to live as easier life socially, and I wanted to be a part of religion to give me a sense of purpose”. If that’s the life you chose then that’s the life you chose. But it’d be nice if people can push past the BS and just be entirely, completely honest. I mean, it’s anonymous. Don’t start talking about feeling guilty about some shit that happened forty years ago, meant nothing to you and that you apparently have entirely moved on from. Instead of worrying about telling your wife something she probably doesn’t care to hear, how about confronting your decision making and your motivations and the dimensions of your orientation.
I actually find this article more problematic than Abby’s advice. This is a site that frequently promotes the idea of “fluidity” and the idea of an individual’s personal sense of self and identity. Yet, here is a writer pretty much saying fluidity doesn’t exist and also trying to dictate someone’s sense of self. I understand that every writer is different and this man comes off very sketchy. But the contradictory yet always self-righteous and usually one-note agendas from each of these “writers” is irritating and ultimately doesn’t do anyone any good.
Oranos
Agreed.
With ALL of your observations.
Chipper
It all depends on if he still wants to hook up with guys. If he has not had a longing to connect in years, then he should have no problem, but if he opens that can of worms, she will never trust him again. If he still is wanting to hook up, be a man and own up to who you are, and then get on with your life. But do not put her thru hell by saving it will never happen again, when you are wanting still to hook up. Just make sure who you are, be honest with yourself, before you ruin other lives.
enlightenone
Counseling, done! Next article of nonsense, please.