While society often tries to shove everyone into just a few boxes, the reality is that there are many different ways to be attracted to and experience love. So, how many sexualities are there?
That question is rather difficult to answer, as our perceptions of sex and gender keep evolving, along with the language we use to describe it. So, while we can’t give an exact answer, we can discuss some of the most common sexualities out there, as well as a few of the lesser-known ones, too.
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What Is ‘Sexuality’?
Before we move on to our list of sexualities, let’s define a few terms first.
Sexuality is a broad term that is used to describe how people experience sex – their desires, behaviors, beliefs, roles, etc. For many people, the terms “sexuality” and “sexual orientation” are synonymous. And for the sake of simplicity, we will use the terms interchangeably in this article.
But it should be noted that the term “sexual orientation” is more specific in that it defines who you’re sexually attracted to. For example, if you’re attracted only to people of the same gender, you’re homosexual. If you’re attracted only to people of the opposite gender, you’re heterosexual.
But sexual orientation, much like gender identity, isn’t quite black or white. In 1948, renowned sex researcher Dr. Alfred Kinsey, developed the Kinsey Scale. This eight-point scale classifies human sexuality into a continuum from exclusively heterosexual attraction (0) to exclusively homosexual attraction (6). The final point, (X), defines those who do not experience sexual attraction or have little to no sexual desires – in other words, asexual.
The Kinsey Scale has its limitations – for one, it doesn’t account for sexual behaviors and attractions – but it does serve as a helpful guide for those who grew up on the belief that sexuality is rigid.
How Many Different Sexualities Are There?
It’s hard to say how many sexual orientations exist today. As our language and understanding of sexuality continue to evolve, we’re bound to see more terms come up. Here are some of the most common sexual orientations today:
Lesbian
A term used to describe a woman who is solely attracted to other women. Some transfeminine and non-binary people may identify as lesbian even if they don’t wholly identify as women. The term can be used in a broader sense to define those who feel some connection to womanhood or femininity and are attracted to women.
Gay
The term “gay” is typically used to describe men who are solely attracted to other men. “Gay” is also often used as a catchall term to describe anyone who only experiences same-sex attraction – in other words, homosexuals. Thus, some lesbians may also use the term “gay” to describe themselves.
It should be noted that the term “homosexual” – which is derived from the Greek “homos”, meaning “same” – is rather outdated and comes with negative connotations. Try to avoid using this term unless absolutely necessary.
The Bisexual Umbrella
The definition of “bisexuality” has been a subject of much debate. The outdated definition describes bisexuals as those who are attracted to both men and women.
This binary definition, however, fails to consider those who don’t identify within the confines of the gender binary – i.e. genderfluid, non-binary, and transmasculine/transfeminine people. This is partially why the term “pansexual”, which was deemed a more inclusive term, rose to popularity in recent years.
The more inclusive and most recent definition of bisexuality, however, has been around since 1990. First appearing in the “Bisexual Manifesto” in a publication released by the Bay Area Bisexual+ & Pansexual Network, this definition describes bisexuality as being attracted to people of the same and different genders.
Pansexuality, which is defined as an attraction to anyone regardless of their gender, is considered part of the Bisexual umbrella or Bi+. For some pansexuals, gender doesn’t play a role in what makes them attracted to another person. Instead, they are more drawn to people’s personalities, energy, behavior, etc.
Here are some of the other sexualities that fall under the Bi umbrella:
- Polysexual: People who are attracted to multiple genders
- Omnisexual: People who are attracted to all genders
- Fluid: People whose attraction is in a state of flux. Their attraction is not fixed and may change over time
- Queer: People who don’t identify as heterosexual and/or cisgender and who are uncomfortable with a specific label. Queer is also used as a general term to describe anyone who identifies within the LGBTQ community.
The Asexual Spectrum
Asexual (ace) people are those who experience little to no sexual attraction to others. Depending on where you identify on the asexual spectrum (a-spec), you may have no desire for (or even be repulsed by) sex, have a limited desire for sex, or only feel attracted to others under specific circumstances.
Some of the orientations that fall under the a-spec include:
- Gray asexual or graysexual: People who experience some degree of sexual attraction, but don’t fully identify as ace or allosexual (people who experience sexual attraction). Graysexuals may also identify as “gray ace”.
- Demisexual: People who are only sexually attracted to others after forming an emotional bond with them
- Reciprosexual: People who are only sexually attracted to those who can reciprocate their feelings
- Akoisexual: People who experience sexual attraction but lose it when the other person reciprocates their feelings
- Ace flux: People who fluctuate between asexual and allosexual
Heterosexual
Heterosexuals are those who are only attracted to people of the opposite gender. The term comes from the Greek word “heteros”, which means “other party” and is often used as a scientific term to describe things that are “different.”
Some people may identify as “heteroflexible”, which is defined as being mostly straight but capable of experiencing attraction to people of the same gender or other genders from time to time.
Questioning
Questioning is a term used to describe people who are still uncertain about their sexual orientation. The term exists to acknowledge the fact that not everyone can easily understand or even accept their orientation, whether due to pressure from peers or family, social stigma, or internal conflicts.
The Bottom Line
With so many terms out there, figuring out your sexuality can seem confusing and even downright scary. Just remember that there is no need to rush and that there is no shame in being unsure about yourself.
All of these terms exist because sexuality is vast and nuanced. Sometimes, even those who fully connect with a term still have vastly different experiences and interpretations.
Donston
Instead of hyper focusing on identities, I’ve just learned to see everyone’s sexuality, sexual journey, preferences as each person’s own thing. As I redundantly say, the gender, sexual, affection, romantic, emotion, commitment spectrum is wide and personal. While not only does “sexuality” contain a lot of different things (attractions, desires, arousals, paraphiliacs, enjoyment, lifestyle, the level of your libido, how driven you are by sex), people’s psychologies and egos and sociologies and “love” and what motivates them are also incredibly varied. Seeing things that way helps to understand people and certain patterns more and also helps to snuff out some “problematic” elements and some of the manipulation and insecurities we still see a lot of. The biggest advancement that needs to be made is to stop using hetero-normalcy, gender normalcy and hetero dynamics as the baseline and filtering everyone through that.
Ronbo
The editors don’t like that. To divide us to change our thoughts of unity, they must first separate us from each other.
These editors, like an old baby diaper, need to be changed.
LumpyPillows
Agree. Everyone is different. Time and situation can change a lot. We don’t need a label for every option. In fact, these labels actually are restrictive and are contrary to the idea of change.
London_resistance
Sexual orientation – who we are attracted to – is fixed. This is SUPER important. It may or may not be 100% fixed at birth, but the point is you cannot change it.
You can’t make gay people straight. You can’t make straight people gay.
So that’s sexual orientation – the LGB.
Being transgender – the T – is completely different
KEY things to know about “being trans” are:
1. Nobody is “born in the wrong body”
2. Gender dysphoria (GD) is a medical condition, where someone feels unhappy being the sex they are
3. There are THREE different types of GD
Gender Dysphoria (a medical condition) is different to sexual orientation…
It is often NOT fixed.
It is sometimes affected by how people around you behave
GD can be resolved in one of two ways…
A) Find peace with your biological sex
or
B) Transition to the other gender
And either can be valid ways of resolving GD
But which one do you think is going to be easier and simpler?
Clearly “option B) Transition” is gonna be one heck of a ride, with huge, lifelong health implications, and a million-and-one other difficulties.
So consider that “option B) Transition” should be a drastic last resort, NOT a first port of call!
However, you’ll have noticed that Trans activists, & idiots on here, even some teachers & schools, treat “option B) Transition” as FIRST choice.
They want to “affirm” kids’ gender confusion.
Why?
They think being transgender is like being gay or lesbian. They argue it’s fixed, so want to “protect” those kids. But is isn’t
cheks
Also, affirm in this context means “offer emotional support or encouragement” by saying it’s ok, we’ll figure this out, and no matter what I’ll support you.
Affirmation from parents is really important because otherwise kids will more than likely seek guidance from their peers and the media (which they often lack the critical thinking skills to navigate).
cheks
I don’t think this is really happening. When my son said he thought he was non-binary, I asked him why and he explained it. I asked him if he wanted my to tell his school, he said I should tell his teacher but that he wanted to still go by he/him pronouns at school. I affirmed his feelings by saying I would do this. I didn’t rush out and get him new clothes and insist everyone start using they/them pronouns or anything outrageous.
We continued having normal conversations about it. Now, at MY house, we don’t really care what toys or whatever my kids play with. My daughter likes having short hair because she doesn’t like having to comb it and it gets hot in the summer. My son on the other hand loves long hair, always has for some reason. He’s never NOT identified as boy UNTIL his stupid little peers in school started calling him a girl for having long hair. It was his conservative peers who made him “confused” about his gender. Eventually it came out he must be non-binary because all of his “friends” said ONLY girls like long hair. Well, of course, this is very stupid. We had shown him tons of images of men, uber masculine men, regular men, fem men, his own uncle! and other boys and men who had long hair. But peer pressure is a big things for kids. So, we explained all this again, and affirmed that it was perfectly fine for him to be boy and have long hair and like all the things he likes. And to tell his peers to stick a sock in it. A few weeks later, and my son just wanted to be a boy again.
I think this is how it’s usually handled. Now, if I had said, “No! You’re a boy, end of story!” and he wasn’t able to sort it out with me and his mom, he probably would have gotten deeper into confusion because of what his peers were telling him. This is why talking to your kids and not being a reactionary bigot is very important. Note, he talked to ME about it first and not someone at school because I’ve shown him he can trust me with these types of feelings, and that I will affirm his concerns and help him sort through them.
Winsocki
I don’t care and I don’t care about this mismash of fixing language to be neutral. How can you when grammar has gender in Romance languages. So I will use whatever I want and the plural they/them is so confusing probably should use “my name is Legion for I am many”. Like I said … I don’t care if I am not in love or bonking you.
mastik8
When it is informed consent between consenting adults then why not.
still_onthemark
“Akoisexual: People who experience sexual attraction but lose it when the other person reciprocates their feelings”
1) you misspelled akiosexual!
2) did this formerly have the derogatory name of a certain kind of “tease”?
monty clift
Another tedious article by Queerty’s sh*t-trolling editors.
Ronbo
We aren’t a formidable force if they have divided us into competing and squabbling groups.
Who can forget how the managing editor HERE posted multiple false anti-gay sexual stories against popular gay progressive mayor, Alex Morse, in order to help a much, Much MUCH more conservative candidate win?
Never trust a group of editors spreading division – the same editor came out in support of NAMBLA – KNOWING that the mythical group was manufactured to make us look bad.
Graham Gremore is only helping himself. He didn’t return any of the ill-gotten political payoffs – or even apologize for knowingly wrecking a good man’s career. Graham is gaslighting our community and working to break it apart.
skeldare
Way too overly complicated.
Diplomat
Like judge Judy says “keep it simple stupid”.
Tallskin
Stonewall UK says: “Research suggests that children as young as 2 recognise their trans identity. Yet, many nurseries and schools teach a binary understanding of pre-assigned gender.
LGBTQ-inclusive and affirming education is crucial for the wellbeing of all young people!”
in other words:
“i recognised I should’ve had a vagina at age 1.5 rather than a penis and if my transphobic parents had seen this, then I would be a happy person today, rather than this fat venomous creature you see before you dressed unconvincingly as a woman”
London_resistance
Hey careful Tallskin you Transphobic Terf lest you be cancelled !!!
Your comment contains both transphobia and fatphobia!
You know how sensitive yanks are about obesity! You can tell cos instead of telling the fat buggers to stop eating so many buns and exercise in order to lose the flab, they tell everyone else they have to accept the fat fvks into their lives!
Eternal.Cowboy
Good lord, you have resorted to having your various accounts talk to each other. I’m embarrassed for you.
LumpyPillows
Children at 2 know nothing. That’s absurd.
MrMichaelJ
Implying bisexuals are only attracted to what’s between someone’s legs while polysexuals aren’t is a bit obnoxious.
Brian
(FYI, everyone, Michael is the conservative lobbyist bigot who says that this stuff is “just a phase.” Just ignore and move along with your day.)
cheks
I didn’t read it that way. I thought it was like a bisexual was attracted to the SAME and other genders. So I bisexual woman by definition had to be attracted to other women, but could also be attracted men and non-binary people. Whereas a polysexual was attracted to multiple genders, so a polysexual woman could be attracted to men and non-binary people, but because she’s not also attracted to women, she’s not bi. I’m not an expert, but that’s how I understood it.
bachy
I’m certain that the generations that preceded us were displeased with the Kinsey Scale when it first entered the sexual lexicon. What was the point, they wondered, of having 6 degrees of human sexuality?
But the Kinsey Scale and the breakdowns and analyses of human sexuality we see listed above DO help people to understand their feelings and to communicate their feelings to potential partners. These are tools of communication in pursuit of personal sexual happiness.
The problem I see is with the furor to politicize everything. I’m not convinced that Akiosexual is a legitimate political “identity.”
still_onthemark
Q: How many akiosexuals does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: As soon as they think the light bulb WANTS to be changed, they can’t go through with it anymore.
inbama
Sexual orientation is not an “identity” but a physical reality.
A psychologist armed with a penile plethysmograph can determine which sexes any man is or isn’t attracted to no matter how he “identifies.”
We are destroying a generation of gay and lesbian children by teaching them lies.
still_onthemark
But is there a female equivalent to a penile plethysmograph? No. Hence all the blather about “emotional bond” and “feelings,” subjective stuff that can’t be measured, or even understood really, by those of us with a Y chromosome!
inbama
@still_onthemark
You’re right that women’s sexuality is more complicated than men’s – which is actual proof that biological sex is not some construct as the QT+ movement insists, but the only real basis we have for understanding anything about ourselves.
Jeremiah
Sometimes you feel like a nut
Sometimes you don’t