If our calculations are correct, Mark Foley should be getting out of rehab any second now. While people in rehab typically shy away from the rest of the world, we’re pretty sure Foley knows what a stink his email exchanges with Congressional pages have raised.
He’s probably scared shitless right now, thirsting for the hooch (read: teenage boys) that sent him to detox in the first place. Who wouldn’t be? Washington’s been torn asunder, child protection advocates are frothing at the mouth, and his entire fucking life’s basically down the toilet.
Don’t worry, Marky, not everyone hates you. Consider this article by the appropriately monikered Madeline Crabb (pictured above in what we hope was 1992).
So, what’s this cringe-worthy piece entitled? “Foley, homosexuality, and character (Part One)”. Yeah, that’s right. Part one. This bitch loves her some Foley.
There are so many notable bits here that we’re at a loss. For example:
For over two weeks we have been hearing a lot of stories about former congressman Mark Foley who got caught sending emails to a congressional page. He at least had the good sense to resign. Yes, the press and the liberal “elitists” have claimed this is a scandal…
…[W]hy are we even having this public debate over old Mark? It’s not like he’s the first homosexual in Congress. The liberal elitists, or we-know-what’s-best-for-you crowd, have been pushing homosexuality down our proverbial throats for years. They have even told us that the Boy Scouts are wrong to ban homosexuals from being scout leaders because these pure, wholesome, same-as-you-and-me homosexuals would never harm boys. Uh huh.
We’re actually speechless.