Drugs Muscling Their Way Into Frightful Prominence

Mark Simpson Takes On Steroids

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“Metrosexual” daddy Mark Simpson may not be the most muscular man around, but he’s got some strong words on rampant steroid use:

According to a series of recent reports, steroids, or ‘juice’ or ‘gear’ to the initiated, once an exotic drug of cheating athletes and freaky bodybuilders have entered the mainstream and have become just another lifestyle product for young men (some boys as young as 12 are reportedly taking the drug).

In other words, young men are taking steroids the way that many gay party boys have taken them for years: to look good on the beach or dance floor or webcam. ‘Muscle Marys’ (as they’re called by envious, less-muscular gays), are apparently no longer a strictly gay phenomenon. Muscle Marys are where masculinity is at, Mary.

We sure hope this trend fades like Hypercolors, because we all know what steroids do to penises. One word: shrinkage.