cruising crapshoots

Married Father DeFarra Gaymon Was Caught Cruising In a Park. Then The Cop Shot Him Dead

DeFarra Gaymon, the married father of four and chief executive of a bank, helped plan his high school’s 30th reunion in New Jersey. He never made it: He was shot to death by an undercover cop hunting down men cruising other dudes for sex in public parks.

Prosecutors on Tuesday claimed Gaymon assaulted the cop and tried to flee when the detective tried to arrest him for, ahem, lewd behavior. The gun shot was in self-defense, they claim. Gaymon’s family likely doesn’t think so, and released this brief statement: “We know that the police killed an innocent man, with no history of or disposition towards violence.” Gaymon had driven to New Jersey from Georgia, where he’s the president and CEO of the Credit Union of Atlanta; peers from his class of 1980 describe him as the most kind, gentle person one could ever meet.

But if you believe the detective who tried arresting Gaymon, who died three hours later at a hospital, it’s a different story. Patrolling Branch Brook Park in Newark (pictured below), where it’s common knowledge gay men cruise (and police have made 200 arrests in the last 18 months, all without incident they say), the detective allegedly caught Gaymon engaged in a sex act, the NYT reports.

The officer and his partner were patrolling the park in plain clothes, part of an operation that has been going on for years, said Mr. Laurino, the prosecutor. Around 6 p.m., after chasing down a man and arresting him, the officer realized he had lost his handcuffs in the pursuit and went back into the woods, alone, to retrieve them, the prosecutor said. “The plainclothes officer was bending down to retrieve his handcuffs,” Mr. Laurino said, “when he was approached by Mr. Gaymon, who was engaged in a sexual act at the time.” Words were exchanged that the prosecutor said “would lead one to believe that” Mr. Gaymon was propositioning the officer.

“The officer pulled out his badge, identified himself as a police officer and informed Mr. Gaymon that he was under arrest,” Mr. Laurino said. Then, he said, Mr. Gaymon shoved the officer to the ground and ran, ignored the officer’s demands to stop, and repeatedly threatened to kill the officer if he approached. The officer cornered Mr. Gaymon beside a pond and tried to handcuff him, Mr. Laurino said, but again Mr. Gaymon resisted. “Mr. Gaymon reached into his pocket and lunged at the officer in an attempt to disarm the officer,” Mr. Laurino said. The officer, “fearing for his life,” the prosecutor said, shot Mr. Gaymon once, and he died at the hospital three hours later.

(The WSJ notes further: Gaymon allegedly approached the officer while masturbating.)

If it’s true Gaymon was engaged in sexual activity in a public park, some immediate conclusions can probably be drawn: He was married but closeted, and feared the successful life he had built for himself was about to come crumbling down over some stupid decision. Instead, his life ended. It’s a sad, terrible story, and there are unfortunately even more victims: his wife, his children, and his friends and family.

The detective, who is 29 and has eight years on the force, was uninjured but was sent to a hospital where he was medicated after being “very traumatized.” It marks the fifth police-related shooting in Newark in the past month.

The family wants answers, and so too should the local community: While no police officer should feel so threatened to have to pull his gun (in a perfect world), surely there’s a better way to clean up public parks than whatever strategy they’re using now.

[Star-Ledger; photos: Star-Ledger, NYT]

Get Queerty Daily

Subscribe to Queerty for a daily dose of #cruising #deaths #defarragaymon stories and more


  • Erik

    Although I don’t think people should be having sex in a public park, crusing is not something that someone should be killed over. There certainly was probably a smarter way to handle the situation from both the officer and Deffara Gaymon.

  • Jimmi

    Homophobia kills.

  • Jimmi

    @Erik: You lay your hands on a police officer and they can say anything.

  • WildwoodGuy

    “The plainclothes officer was bending down to retrieve his handcuffs,” Mr. Laurino said, “when he was approached by Mr. Gaymon, who was engaged in a sexual act at the time.”

    What part of this is even slightly credible? How (I have tried to imagine different scenarios of being ‘engaged in a sexual act’ and being able to ‘approach’ someone else at the same time.

    The cop is LYING!

  • [email protected]

    “Cruising crapshoots?” Really? I swear the headlines on this site are often just dumb but too often defy dumb and achieve idiocy. This one is an example.

  • IononMusic

    What’s painful is the gay community being completely flippant over this fact…..POLICE IN CITIES ARE BEING TRAINED TO GO TO GAY AREAS/PARKS AND ACT “GAY” THEN APPROACH A SUSPECTING GAY MAN, HIT ON HIM, IF HE ACCEPTS THE PASS MADE AT HIM….ARREST HIM (then put him in a data base with child sex offenders)

    That is 1952 all over again, happening ALL around us, true homophobia, real homophobia, the kind of homophobia that is only followed by killing us…which this story also covers.

    For all you gays who turn a blind eye to these gay cruising stories (and don’t mind that straights have sex in public EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) oh don’t you worry honey child, yours is coming to. And I’ll smile while I turn the other cheek at your facing discrimination for being gay and that light bulb moment of “damn” that triggers in your facial expression thereafter.

  • biguy

    What a tragic story with a completely unnecessary ending. RIP DeFarra, I hope the Gaymon family can find strength during this period of what must be unimaginable shock and grief.

  • Riley

    @biguy: And loads of money. Hope his family sues the living shit out of these cops and the police department. Homophobia will NOT be tolerated in 2010. Eat that up in your ‘sensitivity training’ bullshit.

  • Dan

    Dead people cannot defend themselves. Remember in NYC the cops were illegally arresting gay people in shops for prostitution. Perhaps the cop had sexual contact with the victim and feared being outed so he shot him instead. The victim is not around to tell his side of the story and the gay community knows from years of abuse that not all cops are on the up-and-up.

  • merkin

    Its funny how Gaymon’s friends and family swear he’d never be violent. I mean, its not like he kept big secrets from them.

    Gaymon (gotta love the name) was busted and looking at his entire life collapsing before his eyes. Who knows what he’d do in that situation. While its a tragedy Gaymon is dead, we should hold off from assuming the cop was some knee-jerk homophobe looking for an excuse to kill a fag.

    And jesus christ, can gay guys stop fucking in parks? Its sad and pathetic! Look who’s going–a married father who drove to a whole other state to get his rocks off anonymously. Again, its sad he’s dead, but this is a guy who constructed his life into one big lie, dragging his wife and children into it. He could’ve just as easily been murdered by a crazy trick (yes, that happens too)

  • Baxter

    @merkin: Thank you. It’s nice to see someone who doesn’t immediately jump aboard the “cops are all homophobes and hunt people for sport” train.

  • james_from_the_great_city_of_cambridge

    This cop’s story is such bullshit. This poor guy looks so milquetoast and he was a banker; just because he’s black or mixed doesn’t mean he reacted violently despite being a fucking nerdy banker!!! I can’t believe anyone is buying this stupid story. I guarantee you in the next few days this asshole cop’s story will fall apart and he’ll use the gay-panic defense. This is fucking outrageous; poor Defarra was engaged in a motherfucking misdemeanor, not a felony; there was no excuse for this killing. I hope his family is not ashamed and demands a full investigation AND also sues!!! The gay community AND the black community needs to get their fucking ass in gear and demand answers now!!! To the Newark cops who by the way police one of the most violent cities in America, I would think your corrupt, bribe-taking asses have better things to do like lowering the murder rate, which is as high as Boston’s despite the fact you have half our population. Burn in hell fuckers!!!!!

  • james_from_the_great_city_of_cambridge

    @merkin: @Baxter: Would you feel the same way if this was a cute, 18 year old white twink that was shot dead you jackasses?? You wonder why a lot of Black men don’t feel welcome in the gay community!!

  • opinionated

    actually, i believe that black men and women should feel very welcome in the gay community, i mean gays fighting for our right is just like the history of black america and their supporters during the civil rights movement. being a black gay man does not have much to do with this story, it’s being a gay man that is enraging. so please do not bring in needless “free radicals” to this tragic story

  • Dame Helga von Hornstein

    @Dan: Not only do I remember that incident in NYC a disgusting fact of those arrest was the arresting officers, all in their 20’s, claim the OLDER gay men wanted the 20 something officers to pay THEM (the older gay men) for sex.

    The arrests were all based on prostitution charges. One of the gay men charge came to the US from overseas on business. It seems VERY hard to believe that he checked into the Waldorf-Astoria hotel but went to 8th ave video arcade booth stores to turn $30 tricks. Oh and by the way, the man I am speaking of was in his 50’s.

    A gay police officer told me that a lot of the officers who are placed in gay undercover sting operations are put there because they are disciplinary cases or pissed off the wrong asshole sargent and he (the sergeant) is getting even with them. You are dealing with a person who is not only pissed off because they have no other choice but they also have the power of life and death in their hands. With no camera to back up this dead man’s story (and you know those who saw it are not going to come forward) whose to say it was not murder.

    This guy no doubt panicked and tried to run but I find it hard to believe he could not have been over powered. It seems even harder to believe a man of his position would threaten to kill a police officer knowing that he was caught and what a statement like that would cause the officer to do. Panicked or not.

    This officer is going to get away with murder, like it or not. Beware when you cruise in public. I still say only a fool would cruise Central Park in NYC or what’s left of the video booth scene,Port Authority,Druid Hill park in Baltimore and Piedmont Park in Atlanta but people are still doing it. You might not necessarily be killed by a trick or drug addict. The police is clearly doing it for them.

  • James

    @WildwoodGuy: Not to mention this: “Mr. Gaymon reached into his pocket and lunged at the officer in an attempt to disarm the officer”

    Reaching into a pocket while lunging to disarm doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. It sounds like the officer just added the pocket thing to make it plausible that he thought there was a weapon or something but just threw it roughshod into his story. Aren’t police officers supposed to be trained to deal with physical aggressors and not fear for their lives from some skinny banker lunging at them? Sounds like a lot of bs to me.

  • MGangemi

    What is pathetic is that a trained police officer couldn’t fend off a civilian without having to resort to using his gun. Cops ought to be spending as much time learning judo and techniques to disable attackers as they spend learning to aim a gun. This is absolutely ridiculous that he felt the need to fire on Gaymon. No matter what else the officer ought to be fired for incompetence!

  • Chargers

    James-Cambridge : You’re out of line. As is anyone who automatically assumes anything about this case with such scant information. When will gays finally learn their lessons (with all their mistakes with past cases) that it’s best to wait and see.

  • Michael

    The cops story simply makes no sense. Even if true, his account affords zero justification for use of deadly force. The “mission,” of this homophobic waste of taxpayer’s money, was to curtail misdemeanor sex offendors, not take out the Jack the Ripper. Much sympathy to the family. As an aside, 200 arrests in 18 months? Hello guys – get a room.

  • Chargers

    Oh I agree with sympathy for the family. They’re probably going through the double-whammy of Gaymon getting killed as well as learning of his secret gay life. (I say “probably”, because again I don’t conclude anything).

  • shanelle

    “Not Everybody Loves Gaymon”

    RIP, and safe passing, our brother & friend.

    May justice be served.

    No man should be kilt for loving another man.

  • The cops story doesn't pass the bullshit test

    So the cop bent down to get his handcuffs…How long does that take?
    2 seconds?

    In two seconds Mr. Gaymon appeared out of nowhere, stood close enough to be able to “shove the officer to the ground” and performed a sexual act all at the same time, and the cop didn’t see him or feel him approach?

    No footsteps, no crackling of dried up leaves and such?

    Mr. Gaymon was performing a sexual act and the cop engaged in a conversation with him? Isn’t that “sexual act” enough proof to arrest him?

    Why would the cop lose his handcuffs? was there a scuffle with the other guy they arrested?

    If that were the case, would Mr. Gaymon not hear the commotion and or see them arrest the other guy?

    Why would he be at the same spot where minutes before another guy was arrested?

    “Then, he said, Mr. Gaymon shoved the officer to the ground and ran, ignored the officer’s demands to stop, and repeatedly threatened to kill the officer if he approached.”

    That is pure BS. If someone is running away from someone who is pursuing them, the last thing they will say is something like, ” If you approach, I will kill you.” He would be too busy trying to run for his life. It would make more sense for him to scream.

    “The officer cornered Mr. Gaymon beside a pond and tried to handcuff him, Mr. Laurino said, but again Mr. Gaymon resisted. ”

    Being cornered by a pond implies he was not within reaching distance and presumably the cop had his gun out and was giving him orders such as, get on your knees, or the ground, etc.

    “Mr. Gaymon reached into his pocket and lunged at the officer in an attempt to disarm the officer,”

    Why would a banker who is unarmed and standing before a cop who is pointing a gun at him reach into his pocket, and why do cops always use this same line and the one below?

    ‘Mr. Laurino said. The officer, “fearing for his life,” the prosecutor said, shot Mr. Gaymon once,..’

    They use those lines because that justifies them killing a man under the law, that’s why.

    I don’t buy this bullshit story for a second. It is more likely Mr. Gaymon and the man arrested were together or in the same area and the cops rushed them and tried to arrest them. The men run and this cop killed him so he wouldn’t get away.

  • Martin Murray

    Are the police STILL allowed to engage in entrapment to arrest people?

    F*** the police. Operations by plainclothes policemen to entrap gay people are wrong.

    No-one is arguing that sex in public is acceptable but unless there are equally strict entrapment operations to catch straight people having sex in public, then it’s clear that the New Jersey police are homophobic scum!

  • Action Jackson


    I agree with your points and with most of the points made by others concerning this story. Something is a little off with the cop’s version. However, in fairness, could the “sexual act” have been Mr. Gaymon playing with himself? If so, it is certainly plausible that Mr. Gaymon could have walked in the cops direction and make some kind of verbal play towards him. Trust me, I hate cops. But, I wanted to consider the possibilities of the story. It is not clear what “sexual act” Mr. Gaymon was engaged in, and the article doesn’t say that Mr. Gaymon was involved in a sexual act with someone else. The sexual act was probably Mr. Gaymon playing with himself.

  • jason

    While I think cruising a park is ghastly, you have to wonder whether police are targeting man-on-man sex specifically. What about all the hetero’s with their disgusting lovers’ lanes and what-have-you? Have the police been making arrests here too?

    The Newark police need to understand that we in the GLBT community won’t tolerate selectivity in the way public sex is treated by law enforcement officers.

  • condenasty

    This is so sad for sure and we shall see the fallout in the coming months. No one deserves to die over something like this but I have to agree with Merkin. We need to stop with the sex in public parks, it is pathetic and dangerous on so many levels. It reminds me when George Michael was busted by paps in Hampstead Heath emerging from a sexual encounter and his response was “Are you gay? No? Then f*** off! This is my culture!” It is a nauseating defense at best. It is a sad holdover from when we had no bars, LGBT centers or online means to meet each other. It is just bad news all around. Stings like this have been going on forever and while we need to defend our civil rights, public sex is not a civil right.

    (Here is a link to historical busts of this nature from the Beckford papers at the Bodelan Library. )

  • Gosszip

    I’d post more links but don’t really care to. Just some more recent headline stories with a quick Google search of hets getting arrested for having sex in public.

    Though this story is sad and sounds suspicious, all you people saying ‘HETS NEVER GET ARRESTED FOR HAVING SEX IN PUBLIC!” are wrong. The only reason you never hear about it is because you have Queerty as your homepage with Just Jared next in queue.

  • Chitown Kev

    Hell, i’ve actually seen heteros get it on in gay cruising spots and it is true, you never see heteros get pulled over or stopped for the possble sex acts that they do…

    No one difference maybe that heteros really do it wide out in the open (with a blanket, of course) and many of us gays are all up in the bushes.

    And…yes James, I would love to see both gay and black groups touch this although…

    and this is coming from the son of a mother who worked on the police force…you do what a cop tells you to do.

  • ousslander

    @james_from_the_great_city_of_cambridge: So it’s the white community’s fault for driving this black man into the closet, marrying a woman and have children then forced him to seek sex in a public park. thanks for clearing thaT up.

    and yes people can jack off and walk at the same time, that is what he was accussed of doing.

    and maybe, just, maybe he reacted like the cop said to protect his closet. Until for evidence I back the cop.

    who cares if straights have public sex? does that make it right? no, illegal,stupid and bad beahaviour has consequences. Unfortunate he lost his life but he did have alrge part in it.

  • Cam

    One thing doesn’t ring true. he stuck his hand in his pocket and lunged at the officer? That would throw somebody off balance. Sounds like the cop is trying to excuse the use of a firearm by claiming that the victim appeared to be reaching for a gun. My problem with that explanation is…

    1. If he really had a gun in his pocket he wouldn’t have lunged at the officer, he would have pulled it out.

    2. If he didn’t have a gun in his pocket, he wouldn’t have stuck his hand in his pocket while “Lunging” at an officer. You don’t throw yourself off balance, and take your arm out of action if you are trying to attack somebody.

  • Ogre Magi

    What a sad sad story!

  • DR

    This is ugly all around.

    Is it possible that Gaymon was so concerned that he’d be outed after being busted that he got suicidal/homicidal/aggressive? Yeah, it is. The family can say he wasn’t predisposed to violence, but they also didn’t know he was gay/bi.

    It is possible that the officer didn’t need to shoot? Yeah, it is. Officers have tasers, pepper spray and other tools they could use.

    Ultimately, would I like to hear more facts before passing judgment against either party? YES.


    Public sex needs to stop. It’s illegal, and the whining about sexual liberty or unfair enforcement is tired. It’s ILLEGAL! You can’t break the law and cry “discrimination” because you got busted. Or cry “entrapment”. If you offer yourself to a hot guy in the park who happens to be an officer, it’s not entrapment.

  • Enron

    Sad story indeed, in the closet, married and fear of being exposed. To top it off, his surname, talk about life imitating art. RIP DeFarra – its such a cruel death when you think about it. The mixture of fear, embarrassment and being shot. God where are you in all this? Is the BP Oil Spill that important?

  • horus

    bring back the bath-houses. we need private secure venues, the straights will use gay public sex for a pretext to do anything.

    to ALL u guys on the downlow; start acting like a HUMAN and have some self respect. if u think ur family and friends won’t love u anymore,(fuck ’em) maybe but there are many more who will love u, and in a more genuine way if u just be honest with yourselves and others.

  • horus

    bring back the bath-houses. we need private secure venues, the straights will use gay public sex for a pretext to do anything.

    to ALL u guys on the downlow; start acting like a HUMAN and have some self respect. if u think ur family and friends won’t love u anymore,(f**k ’em) maybe but there are many more who will love u, and in a more genuine way if u just be honest with yourselves and others.

  • Action Jackson

    I find it very hard to believe that no one back in Atlanta, or his former hometown in New Jersey, suspected that Mr. Gaymon had some homosexual tendencies. A lot of people who knew him are sending praises out about his fine character, personality, etc. That’s all great. However, those same people are probably gossiping among themselves about his life choices, and I would love to be privy to those conversations. Mr. Gaymon did not deserve to be killed. The cop needs to be investigated. Having said that, it would be irresponsible not to acknowledge some of the poor choices Mr. Gaymon made. 1) This MARRIED father of four was cruising for sex in a public park. 2) He was cruising for sex in his old home town area. Was he not concerned about being seen by people who knew him from long ago? Not really a closeted thing to do. 3) He went trolling for sex right before his class reunion. Did he want to take the edge off? Not a smart move. 4) Why did this Credit Union CEO drive all the way to New Jersey from Georgia? He has money. Why not fly? My guess is that he hit several parks on the drive up.

    Something went terribly wrong that evening, but gay men have to stop and think. We know that cops are out to arrest us. We know it isn’t fair, in that they target gays. So, we have to adjust the behavior or suffer the consequences. Public cruising is illegal. No amount of protesting is going to change that

  • ragdo

    sad. he should have been smarter and the cop’s story seems a little fishy. just sad all around, i guess we’ll never know the details…

  • True Words

    Gay men are so stupid to think that this police officer wanted to kill this man; it does not add up like that…it reminds me of when other minority groups such as blacks and hispanics cry foul when it is their community that needs and requires the most monitoring…

    Let’s be honest most of the gay clubs and scenes are VERY unsafe…drugs are being sold and used…the domestic violence in the gay community goes unreported as well as other behaviors. It is all in an effort to keep the pretty shine on a dull and tarnished community…it is a facade!

    Look at the countless murders from hooking up; the fantasy of straight men that a gay man can seduce for sex has ended pretty badly…also the number of HIV cases that are on the rise due to the acceptance of bareback sex as a fetish. Also the fact that the gay community with all of it’s love and tolerance has done an excellent job of shunning HIV+ men. Let’s not forget the racism that is rampant…

    Even on this website that only shows a black man in the following ways: he has hurt/killed a white; he is killed for being gay or he is half naked and it is time to pronounce how sexually free we are my stating…we would hit that…if you don’t believe me find three article that does not fit into one of these categories.

    So where is this list of places that straight people have sex?

    Using such antiquated terms as “make out point or lovers lane” is just plain stupid and it reeks of a weak argument.

    I mean come on produce the list…the gay community has NUMEROUS websites just for this activity… for example

    Gay men whether closeted or out and proud need to keep their mouths and asses out of public places walking around at all hours of the day looking for sex…

    Police have a job to do and public sex is against the law…

    Is it a judgement: yep and it is a good one…

    Last thought: I hope he had a damn good insurance policy so the people who he left behind because of his cowardly behavior can live a decent life.

  • OusslanDer

    @horus: There are safe places for sex, it’s called your home. Then there r hings called motels.

    Nyc does have bath houses but that doesn’t stop people from public sex.

  • Shade

    @True Words: hon… you seem a little divorced from reality. Straight people go to places like lovers lanes to get it on because they live with their parents or want to do something a little risky. Gay men hook up in places like this often because they feel society won’t accept them as they are and they have to hide who they are and what they want.

    That is the culture of fear and hate that created the “down low” and I feel men living in that mode deserve our sympathy not our derision.

    Having illegal public sex is risky, but those risks should not include being shot to death by police officers. Police officers cannot be above the law.

    The cop’s excuse sounds flimsy, but in California we decided that when a cop shoots and kills a man while that man is held on the ground by other officers… and the cop says “I thought I had pulled a taser” that the cop is only guilty of manslaughter.

    I hope this officer loses his job.

  • Randys Johnson

    I assume most of the comments on this story are coming from a gay male prespective. Here is my prespective, being a non gay male.

    The first thing that is weird and almost comical is the part about bending over to pick up his handcuffs. It’s kinda like the don’t drop the soap or don’t bend over to pick up the soap cliche. So the exact moment he is bending over to pick up his handcuffs this guy appears with his d*!k in his hand.

    The other thing that sounds like BS is the reaching in his pocket while lunging at the officer. It seems the cop was combining two causes for use of deadly force. the first lunging at the officer and the second reaching into his pocket. It’s one or the other not both atthe same time.

    I wonder what really did happen?

  • Cam

    @True Words: Said…

    “”No. 38 · True Words
    Gay men are so stupid to think that this police officer wanted to kill this man; it does not add up like that…it reminds me of when other minority groups such as blacks and hispanics cry foul when it is their community that needs and requires the most monitoring…

    Let’s be honest most of the gay clubs and scenes are VERY unsafe…drugs are being sold and used…the domestic violence in the gay community goes unreported as well as other behaviors. It is all in an effort to keep the pretty shine on a dull and tarnished community…it is a facade!”

    I love it when all of these anti-gay and racist bigots come in here and start quoting “Facts” without any stats to back them up.

    Sweetie, you said that MOST gay clubs are VERY unsafe. That is funny, in Boston, in the 90’s Avalon had a VERY popular gay night on Sundays, there would be thousands of people there. The club normally had a high number of staff security for their regular nigths, yet on gay nights, even though the crowd was double, the security was cut in half. A person I know who’s bar changed from straight to gay stopped hiring a bouncer, he didn’t need one anymore. There used to be fights almost everynight, now there aren’t any. So I’m just curious as to where you are getting your facts.

    As for the cops never doing anything to minority groups, including gays…well then why do police departments around the country have to keep paying out huge sums to people wrongly attacked, prosecuted, and why do they have to keep, as part of the court ordered settlements, have to keep instituting sensitivity programs?

  • True Words

    Shade: you are a little stupid…I can understand an 18 year old using “lover’s lane” but you are telling me that countless straight men in their 30s, 40s and 50s are cruising “lover’s lane”…no it is just gay men in their 30s, 40s and 50s because the gay community has made a SEXUAL FETISH about anonymous sex in risky dangerous place…

  • Shade

    @True Words: Now hon, where did I say straight people in their 30’s are all running to lover’s lane? I do believe that when you learn to read you will see that my point is that the reason straight people DON’T need to use places like that is that they aren’t worried that they will be cut off by their friends and family when their heterosexual relationship is discovered.

  • True Words

    I call bullshit a man that lives in a MAJOR U.S. city and can not find the resources to come out but can come home for a reunion and cruise the parks…the energy that he used to conceal is the SAME energy he could have used to reveal…

  • Baxter

    @True Words: When it comes to dealing with any minority group, the cops are damned if they do and damned if they don’t. If somebody gets gay bashed, all you hear is how the cops should have been there and that they obviously don’t care about our community. But the second a gay person gets shot or arrested by the cops, it’s all about how the cops need to leave us alone and let us do our own thing.

  • True Words

    @Baxter: very TRUE words

  • shanelle

    I thought cops used Tasers in situations like this, where a nonlethal force is required. (not that I ever been tased or nothin like it.) No need for bullets has been shown in the linked articals.

  • ForeverGay

    THE SEX FALLBACK. The cop is using haterosexual prejudices to get out of punishment for intentionally killing a gay man. The fact is he can simply say this gay man propositioned him for sex with no evidence and the haterosexual jury will believe everything he says because in their minds gay people plus sex always equals bad and it’s not worth punishing him over a “worthless” gay person’s life. It should be expected from every gay person that this haterosexual cop would use implied sex as an excuse to kill a gay man. A couple months ago in New Jersey a haterosexual group got a gay book banned from the school library because it had a picture of two football players which they promoted as gay men having sex together.

    Gay activists and those with platforms to speak like Michelangelo Signorile won’t say anything about haterosexuals’ use of implied sex as a fallback excuse for the most heinous crimes against gay people. Instead they will talk about this murder the way haterosexuals want it to be talked about it like it’s a totally random event. This murder is apart of the larger oppression of gay people by haterosexuals.

  • mk

    @Baxter: It’s not “damned if they do damned if they don’t”. It’s a simple case of “protect us from crime and don’t unjustly persecute or kill us”, which shouldn’t be so hard for them since it is just the essence of their job.

  • Phasi

    Baxter and Merkin…you’re two idiots in bliss. Having virtually my entire family tree in law enforcement (in every branch of it) I can tell you with GREAT certainty that 99.999999999999999999% of cops don’t hate gays, they loathe us. They have plenty of times defended a gay basher over a gay victim (with false witness claims)…they target gays in these stings SIMPLY because they are gay. Why don’t they take a hot female cop to a pier/boardwalk/beach and have her hit on unsuspecting straight men then arrest them when she (wearing next to nothing, and overtly flirtacious) shows interest. Because cops aren’t the gay communities friend, and the sooner you realize that fact of life, the sooner you can take your hands out of your ears like a little child pretending that you are loved by all. Not cops. Trust me, if anyone would know it would be I.

  • Jackson

    For those of you defending these cops targeting gay sex in public….

    …Why don’t you wonder why don’t do sting operations on hetros? (and they don’t!)

    I’d really, really, really love a logical response from one of you self haters. You’ve been brain washed to believe gay men have more sex than hetros in public, when in reality, hetros have sex in public left, right and in the movie theatre. A girl friend of mine always brags about having sex with her fiance at every concert she goes to, and having seen them get it on at one, I can tell you other than a “cut it out folks!” not one arrest was made, much less them being thrown out. Now you go to a concert and try even making out with your partner then come talk to me about fairness.

    Gay men cruise more often than straight because there is no such thing as a ‘closeted’ straight person. Society has dictated that straight people can show affection, and PDA and love more often than gays. If the gay community, who have partners, would be brazen enough to hold their partners hands, kiss in public and show that we don’t have to hide our love behind closed doors (just as straights don’t) maybe cops and the general public would get a clue. But if you really think homophobia is not motivating these national stings targetting gay men: you need a clue!

  • jack

    @WildwoodGuy: not defending the cop in any way here, but I guess it was a one-handed sex act

  • Blake

    @True Words: COP!!!!!!!!!!

    Why don’t you list all the DISGUSTING vile behavior of you hetros? Ever watch Jersey Shore? yeah, that show perfectly sums up you vile hetros…all of you. Horny, scum, violent, alcoholic, always getting into fights, hateful, bigoted. Not to mention, most hetros are far dumber than gays and realize this, hence their hate which is truly envy that we are more cultured, have more money, more style, more mental capacity. You hetros are all alike. You pop out babies, cheat on your spouse, end it in a hairy divorce where you fly accusations at each other than go vote on OUR rights. For hetros who complain of bitchy gay men…GOOOOD. There’s plenty more where that came from and I hope gays stop playing “Mister Nice guy” and start giving these bigoted hetros a taste of their own medicine. they act far more reckless than we do (wanna know how many hetro drunk drivers there are out there? how many hetros rape? how many hetros start fights at sporting events and bars? how many hetros kill gays because they are miserable being a hetro)

    You are a cop (obvious by knowing that cruising site. Who would refrence that site other than someone who is for cruising or a cop looking for where to plant stings) and 2 people who should not be trusted in this world are hetros and you know who.

  • InfallibleArt


    LoL I was just about to say that wreeks of a Jersey cop and your Jersey Shore refrence was so poignant. While we’re reading blanket statements on -closeted- men, why don’t we call to attention the many undesirable behaviour traits of our hetrosexual friends? Every dating show I watch, sex in public is not only a fetish for every single hetrosexual but on their life bucket list. Ever heard of ‘roofies’? That’s essentially the drug of choice for most all straight club hopping folks. The divorce rate amongst them is laughable, but more so the idea of hetrosexuals schooling us on how to properly conduct ourselves. LGBT is very well adjusted, thank you very much. Go work on your much needed relationships.
    As for the few gay men, with internalized issues, making blanket statements about our community. Please seek help. Please seek some professional help, ideally at an LGBT center where they can resolve whatever you’ve been spoon fed to believe about your identity. Hating who you are and those who share that identity all while glorifying this perfect hetro fantasy life you’ve concocted in your head of how hetrosexuals lead their lives will only result in a long, exhausting miserable life full of hame and blanket statements on all gay men. It’s sad.

  • jack

    Coming across someone in the middle of the woods who was not wearing a police uniform, who flashes a badge and claims they are a police office: wouldn’t you get the heck away as well. Cruising for sex in public is fraught with danger, and it not a good idea, but I imagine this guy’s nerves were on high alert. You never know what sort of creep you could come across.

    The classic “reaching into his pocket,” his word against the word of a man who cannot speak for himself.

    To have spent your life in the closet, this has to be the worst way to be outed. Tragedy in all directions.

  • j.c

    @Baxter: @Phasi: Baxter almost always defends the hetro in these homophobic stories. across the chart. me thinks someone is an “EX gay” trolling our site. baxter, keep praying that gay away dear. gonna go have some hot sex with my hot steamy, buff boyfriend now. but you just keep on praying dear.

  • Shi

    It’s pretty pathetic when a trained cop feels the need to shoot and kill an unarmed man. The cop’s story is confusing and it doesn’t really sound like the banker was a threat, unless he has some bizarre hidden past of rape or something (I’d assume he wouldn’t get to be a CEO then). The lack of witnesses is unfortunate.

    I’m a young woman and I’ve seen (presumably heterosexual) men masturbating in front of me in public, where are the undercover cops rushing forward to protect my poor defiled eyes? Why don’t they ever ‘accidentally’ shoot annoying men who catcall and proposition me in the street?

  • j.c

    @True Words: Homophobic much? that sounds like something a psycho Xtian, conservative blogger would type. Who are you fooling in to believing you’re gay? and if you are you sound bitter that you don’t have any gay men as friends, lovers or acquintances and that says more about you and your hostile, ignorant personality than ours. go back in the closet where you belong little one. You are the classic textbook example of closet case with ISSUES.

  • Max Verhel

    @True Words: “Let’s be honest most of the gay clubs and scenes are VERY unsafe…”


    So I live in Los Angeles, where there is an even mixture of gay and straight clubs. 3 shootings at 3 different prominent straight clubs in perfectly decent neighborhoods in the past 4 weeks, one which was fatal. All started from a fight in the clubt, which reminds me, every single time I went out to a straight club in L.A with my roomie there was a petty soon turned violent fight. Never seen someone pull out a knife, gun, or gang bang attack someone at a gay club. You clearly A.) Never been to a gay club. B.) Never met a gay person. C.) As many posters pointed out above, have much homophobic tendencies to overcome before commenting on our community, considering it’s safe to say hetros are born with a violent gene as this site illustrates every other day.

    Read more:

  • Baxter

    @j.c: I just don’t have a victim complex like most posters here seem to have. I don’t think that all heterosexuals are out to get me.

  • Kyle412

    The many’s last name was “Gaymon” and he has gay face. Sad that he is dead, but how in the world could his wife not have known?

  • J

    I really need someone to clarify this for me:

    So you can’t make a pass at someone in public?

    It’s illegal to ask someone if they want to have sex with you in public? NOT HAVE SEX IN PUBLIC but ask them in public if they want to have sex in private?


    I’m really confused here. Say I’m walking my dogs in the park and see a hot guy who also see’s me, and we’re both interested. I obviously would NOT have sex with him in that park or anywhere in public, but I can’t so much approach him to take it somewhere private and have sex?

  • Randys Johnson

    “The many’s last name was “Gaymon” and he has gay face. Sad that he is dead, but how in the world could his wife not have known?”

    Well if he and his wife went on holiday to Jamaica then his cover would have been blown, as long as he stayed away from there he was proably able to pull it off without too much trouble.

  • Ogre Magi

    @Kyle412: Never underestimate the human capacity for self deception.

  • Max Verhel

    @Baxter: Lol yeah that’s lovely. Homos like you make me smile. Ya know, the ones that were beat up and called fags in the playground but thought if they laughed it off, they could pretend to be in on the joke. You can adopt your ignorance is bliss mentality all you want, but attempting to suggest we the gay community are hyper sensitive toward gay oriented issues and have no reason to be is a bold faced lie. Ever heard of DADT? How about DOMA? How about a large majority of states in the union have mandated laws that make it perfectly alright to fire someone simply based on their sexuality? Never heard of a gay bashing case (there’s a gay related hate crime every 12 hours in our country, accroding to crime report data-base, most of which go unreported) were you in the country during Prop 8? Did you know there are multimillion dollar orginization commited to curing us all while screaming we’ll burn in hell? Did you know gay youth have the highest rate of suicide, homelessness, depression and bullying cases compared to that of any other demographic? Nah. You’re too busy surrounding yourself with your token hetro friends, and putting your rose colored spin on reality to be concerned with tangible matters that do exist on a daily basis. Calling attention to them is not calling victim, it’s taking steps to attain results and rights. Results and rights in which you will sadly benefit from, but have absolutely no time nor sense of realism to contribute to. You’d rather be a bystandard who preaches falsehood that everyone loves us just to sleep better at night tonight, rather than face the truth (even if it stings) and make concrete change for the future. If we had more Baxter’s in our community, homosexuality would still be classified as a mental disorder. I applaud the outspoken advocates amongst us who call out the truth, don’t settle for being second class citizen and even get uncomfortable if need be. That’s how you see change…not by kicking rocks and saying ‘oh well, gee shucks’

    Also, while we’re making observations on your posting style. I’d disagree with the poster who said you always side with the hetrosexual argument, you tend to side with any argument that isn’t the majority accepted on the comments section. You’re the poster child ‘devil’s advocate’ who relishes going against the grain in your commentary for nothing other than arguments sake. The post could be about ‘gay bashing is wrong’ and it would not be far fetched to say most comments would be favorable toward that notion, yet you would somehow find a way to disagree, or a hybrid of disagreement followed by a devil’s spawn comment. Have seen you do it so many times that I don’t really believe you even believe what you write on here.

    Good luck with that.

  • observer

    @Max Verhel:
    AMEN brother! Amen! thank you for pinpointing what I’ve been thinking for ages now.
    you’re not a superior gay for trying to put other gays in their place with self indulgent comments like ‘well, I choose not to be a victim’ well, your ass may not be a victim, but accroding to many rules in the book which you may or may not blindly follow, you’re not treated as an equal, which you may be fine with but dont come on here requesting for us to. wrong blog. try drudge.

  • Sexy Rexy

    @james_from_the_great_city_of_cambridge: Then there would be a movie of some sort, james, and everyone would be obsessing if James Franco or Jake Gyllenhaal would portray him.

  • RomanHans

    #64 J: According to the unnamed policeman’s report, Mr. Gaymon had his penis out and was masturbating. By himself. While he approached a stranger who was PICKING UP THE HANDCUFFS HE LOST. And, as if this wasn’t enough, while he was masturbating he specifically ASKED the policeman if he wanted to have sex. Because, you know, otherwise the cop might have thought Mr. Gaymon didn’t want him to join in.

    Bullshit. Plain and simple. They’ve allegedly launched an investigation, so we’ll see what happens.

  • Baxter

    @Max Verhel: I see a bright future ahead of you as the gay Al Sharpton.

  • T.L Miley

    @Baxter: If you don’t care about gay issues and just want to blow the hetro whistle- why are you on here wasting your and our time? It makes absolutely no sense to come to a venue that you know operates in a certain way and demand they change for you, and your irrelevant cause of not speaking on relevant gay issues. don’t want to hear about gay news stories, injustices and outcries, here’s a hint Sherlock, get off this f8cking site! as posters above mentioned, you won’t be missed, and neither will your fascination with eating dog meat (which makes your future as a serial killer, probably the kind that stakes out gay dudes at gay bars all while being a self hating gay, very very bright)

  • Jack E. Jett

    this will be a story to follow.

  • Avi

    Very sad story.

  • Jasminee Susiee Truthh

    Well let me just say this, I dont buy any of this at all..! This could have been avoided very easily. This is just another unnecessary death!!! Clearly the policeman shot Mr. Gaymon, didnt have a good reason at all, and needed a story. So since Branch Brook Park has a reputation for having homosexuals, he made up the whole thing. I mean it isnt but obvious. The story doesnt make sense at all and doesnt match up!!! But this is just my opinion and I only tell it like I see it..!!!

    R.I.P Mr. Gaymon

  • hephaestion

    That cop shot him to kill him. There is no way a trained cop accidentally killed someone. He was not trying to wound him. I sure wish someone had filmed this so we could see what REALLY happened.

    This kind of anti-cruising bullshit has to end.

  • gilber

    he certainly didn’t deserve to be shot,this was a blatant abuse,but i wonder why such a rich and educated man like him decided to look for sex in the middle of no where,he was actually pretty bold.he should have paid an escort.but anyway,this is another case of putrid heterosexual supremacy.this is why homosexuals must break their bubble and expose heterosexuality(pseudohomosexuality) for what it really is,a decadent and immoral mental putrefaction, a deviant version of homosexuality.and yes, the heterosexuals have sex everywhere, any one living in miami can tell you that after 12am you can’t go to key biscayne because at that time you always find sexually inverted couples getting laid inside the water, under the palm trees or inside their cars.two weeks ago i was with my partner there and we had to get the hell out of there because a freaking heterosexual “couple” was having sex in the water,and the bitch was moaning as if he were killing her, a very disgusting situation,indeed.but patience my brothers …patience.

  • Baxter

    @hephaestion: Umm…yeah he shot to kill. That’s what cops are trained to do. I don’t think there’s a police force in the world that trains cops to shoot to wound, because it’s a really stupid idea. Besides the fact that it’s probably illegal, it’s just not practical because arms and legs are much smaller targets than the torso and usually moving to boot. Only in fantasy worlds do cops shoot people in the arms or legs, or shoot weapons out of people’s hands.

  • Brit

    This story is tragic and I guess it’s a case that shows how ill-advised it is to tussle with and try to run away from an armed cop.

    Fortunately, the British police are not armed. I got caught by the British cops engaging in sex in a dark, quiet, empty park at 3:00am in London many years ago. As they approach me and the other chap an officer said “Right you two: you’re under arrest”. I had an instant fight or flight reaction and decided to run. I ran with the policeman and his alsatian right behind me. My heart was pounding at 100mph. I eventually saw one of the park’s high perimeter walls looming ahead in the dark and just jumped, held on to the wall and hauled myself over with the policeman and the dog snapping at my heels. I was lucky…

    A few weeks later, I bumped into the guy I’d been with in a gay bar and he told me the cops had arrested him even though 50% of the evidence was missing. In response to their questions at the police station, he kept just responding “I was not having sex”. Eventually, a kindly policewoman gave him a cup of tea and drove him home and apologised for the inconvenience!

  • ewe

    Why was the cop trying to frame him by bending over? Peekaboo.

  • ewe

    I never hear stories of tax paid female detectives grabbing their pussies to lure straight men into an arrest. Why?

  • ewe

    Clean up the parks you say??? Newark public buildings just banned toilet paper.

  • Robert Pinter

    I would like to extend my deepest sympathies to the family and friends of DeFarra Gaymon.

    “(and police have made 200 arrests in the last 18 months, all without incident they say)” …..

    200 arrests in 18 months!!! 200 lives disrupted and destroyed. This in itself is an outrage!

    Shut down these corrupt, discriminatory sting operations that destroy innocent lives! They target those perceived to be gay, under the guise of “responding to complaints”. They entrap innocent men and then count on the shame and humiliation of being nabbed in embarrassing circumstances to keep quiet, ensuring success for the police.

    These ant-gay, homophobic corrupt operations are as old as the hills and have been used to send an intimidating chill through the LGBT community for years and years. Now an innocent man is gunned down and the lies spew forth from the police officials. Sadly, this is nothing new.

    I am all for marriage equality and the end of “don’t ask, don’t tell”. But what do they matter if we are still being targeted, intimidated and arrested and now gunned down for doing nothing illegal, just as we were in the 1950’s and 1960’s?

    It’s time for the LGBT community to wake up, look beyond the embarrassing circumstances surrounding these corrupt police stings and organize and speak up – “NO MORE!!”

    Robert Pinter
    Campaign to Stop the False Arrests
    New York, New York

  • ewe

    @Robert Pinter: I agree with you and do not think anyone should be embarassed. I regularly see straight people sucking face and other parts in many of the public places i go. I recently saw a man and woman fornicating on a picnic table underneath a flagpole. It was dark. I also saw another man and woman in between two cars off Christopher street in ny on weehawken street. His pants down around his ankles and her white dress hiked up over her head. Not a peep from the passersby and certainly no cops around making sting arrests. This is an outrage. you got that right.

  • dick masters

    The story is as old as the assholes that agree with this mess. Gay people are a “CASH_COW!” From the churches to the police departments. For all the guys that want to cruise in the parks or even in the police stations,… I HAVE THE ANSWER!. I will show you, finally how to be gay and get away with it. MAKE THIS A PRESS RELEASE. Email me at [email protected] and I will stop all of this crapp.

  • Daddy Grace Fish Sandwich


  • kae

    i have never seen 2 guys getting it on but i saw a couple of teenagers having a bonk in the field the other week when i was out walking. they acted as if they were entitled to do it and when the farmer turned up to have words with them, they didn’t seem remotely concerned. gay men are definitely targetted whereas with straights, its viewed as “having a bit of fun”, for the obvious reason that straight men are quite happy to see a woman getting poked but 2 men, well, its the eww factor.

  • Cj Maciejeski

    @Shade: Yeah, well, then maybe a friggin motel might be a better solution to the need to get off than risking the embarrassment of an arrest for public lewdness ON TOP of the rejection of friends etc. Your argument implies public sex is somehow less risky than just having a cragslist hookup at home.

  • Jeff

    What a crazy story, I am feeling very sorry for this guys’s family.. That your life can be ended just like that for the most innocent cause.

  • Ms. Suki

    @Cam: That’s exactly what I thought. There are so many things that don’t quite ad up. Could Mr. Gaymon have been reaching for his fly? Even if he was closing his pnaga back up, which given the whole account of taking off running, would’ve made sense to do once you’re stopped & cornered, you wouldn’t do it while lunging at someone to disarm them. And who the he’ll yells ‘don’t come near me, or I’ll kill you!’ while running for their life, let alone repeatedly? Even if Mr. Gaymon did react violently (come on, a shove? That’s not even violence on the playground in grade 2), the officer is setting himself up to ensure he is exonerated from any & all culpability for firing with deadly force by saying he was assaulted, his life was threatened, he thought the ‘suspect’ was reaching for a weapon, & he was at risk of being disarmed & rendered neutral. I doubt without witnesses that the truth of this case will ever come out.
    It bothers me that in chasing a suspect minutes before in the same spot, his cuffs were lost. That’s hard to do. Maybe his partner hauled Mr. Gaymon’s lover away & Esposito was left to deal with Gaymon, who said or did something to piss Jim off enough that he pulled his gun. Maybe that’s why he was running?
    All around, just really sad & totally unnecessary & avoidable.

Comments are closed.