'NY York' Looks Inside Hubby's Secret Life

Married Gays and Their Closeted Ways

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We bet a more than a few of you out there fantasize about snogging a married man. Give David Amsden’s new piece in New York a read, however, and your fantasy may go limp.

Amsden recently went on a mission looking for closet cases who leave wifey at home for homo encounters. The result’s anything but sexy. One man, who Amsden calls William, gives us his depressing take on trolling craigslist for secret trysts:

Look, it’s not that I don’t understand that what I’m doing is wrong. Obviously, this isn’t what I signed up for when I got married. Every day I’m lying to my wife. But at this point… I think I need this in order to be—maybe not a good husband, but to function in the marriage the way I do. I know that if we didn’t have a kid that my other life would have just taken over. Lying would have been too much, especially if there was something missing in our marriage. But we were happy when she got pregnant. And we’re happy now. I’m not always happy—I’m rarely happy, to be honest—but we’re happy.

Wiliam’s secret life hardly started at marriage, of course. The New York native tells Amsden he had his first gay encounter during college. No, he didn’t grow up in a religious household. And, no, he doesn’t think homos burn in hell. He’s just stuck in his married ways:

I used to think I was bi, but now I really believe that I am gay and just was not in the right situation. I think I like a particular kind of guy and when I went out looking I never found him, so I gravitated toward women. I found what I liked on the Internet, but I was already married.

William did once consider coming out – right after he fell in love with another man – but neither situation worked as he planned. He tells Amsden,

I wanted to have a kind of hip and arty life, but I was just a white-collar working stiff. I was really considering moving to California. I just liked the idea of a totally different life. At one point I made up my mind to come out—to tell my friends and family and then just move, let it blow over.

Unfortunately, William put the coming out off for so long, that he’s found himself married with children and stuck in the closet. So, will William come out in the future? He’s not sure, but he does know that if he does, he “won’t be marching in any parades”.