What began as an awkward conversation at a wedding (we’ve all been there) set off a life-altering chain of events that left one woman alone in the rubble of her shattered marriage to a closeted gay man.
Sharing her story on Reddit, 25-year-old Holly writes that she was with her husband, a fitness trainer, at a friend’s wedding reception when the couple was approached by a man she’d never seen before. The man greeted her husband.
“They met like they hadn’t seen each other in a long time. My husband even said to him, ‘Wow you look good,’ and he was smiling a lot. His friend even said, ‘I love your beard, wish you had grown it out a bit earlier when I told you to,’ and then turned slightly in my direction and I smiled, and then my husband introduced us quite hesitantly saying ‘this is my wife.'”
She didn’t think much of the encounter. That is, not until the man came up to her a few hours later as they were beginning to say their goodbyes.
“The friend comes up to me while my husband was saying goodbye to the groom. He said, ‘I don’t know whether I should be telling you this or not, but your husband is gay, take my word for it, I am too,’ and then he said ‘sorry’ and left, speed walking away.”
Holly suppressed the shock as best she could, and waited until the next morning to confront her husband. When she told him what had happened, he became instantly angry, swearing at the man and storming out of the house.
Readers expressed compassion for her situation, suggesting she wait to find out the full picture — maybe he’s bi, or perhaps there’s an explanation.
In a follow-up post, she shares what happened next:
I was thinking about filing a missing persons report like some of you said but by that time it was 7 and he called me saying he was home and literally hung up the phone. I got there as fast as I could.
I get in the house and most his shit is packed, so I assume he came in before. I started crying and he just sat on the couch while I yelled at him. He said absolutely nothing . just when I started feeling bad, the friend we saw at the wedding comes out my bedroom holding boxes.
…
I asked him if he was gay and he said he is but didn’t know how to deal with it. Apparently, he married me because I was in love with him and he “felt bad”. When I asked if he cheated on me, he said yes, with the same friend. They met at a bar and slept together. The friend didn’t know he was married and wanted a relationship. My husband said he fell in love with him and wanted to be with him but couldn’t so they drifted apart a year later. The wedding was the time they met after all that time and That’s when he realized my husband was married.
He told me he initially left to give his friend (Matthew) a piece of his mind for telling me, but I’m assuming he went there , fucked him, and then they took a shower and slept together because he was dressed in someone else’s clothes and clearly looked well slept and fine. Better than before actually. While I looked like an absolute mess with bags under my eyes and my face was fucking breaking out.
I have never been so infuriated and sad in my entire life I have absolutely no energy left in me. I told him to take his stuff and we’re getting divorced. And all he said was “I’m sorry it has to be this way but at least be a little nicer to Matthew for forcing me to come out so we can each be happier.”
So he clearly cares more about him than he ever did about me and I’m apparently a pity case. He left with his new boyfriend and I’m certain theyre moving in together now. I have been sitting on my bed crying my eyes out and having a massive headache since then. I really don’t know how to live without him, I love him and despite all of that, hes done so many amazing things and I honestly can’t let go. I don’t live at our place anymore even though he said I could have the house. I’ve been staying at my mom’s place because everything reminds me of him.
Before he left he told me he did love me, just in a “different way.” I don’t know what to do anymore…
Thanks for all the kind words and advice, it was comforting to read.
tl;dr: husband is gay, were getting a divorce
Brian
If he was the man’s boyfriend BEFORE the man got married to the woman, he has NO right to impose himself on their wedded bliss. Absolutely none.
I get so angry with former boyfriends who impose themselves on a married man and his wife. Go away. You have NO right to impose yourself on them.
I also think it’s shocking that the wife seems to be so intolerant of his former escapades. It’s none of your business, sweetheart. He did it before he met you.
Phillip Bernal
What a total Scumbag! not his place to out this man, let alone on his wedding day. Karma is a bitch….
jhudgins
The BEST way to get over a man is to get under another one.
DCguy
@Brian:
What a surprise, Brian angry that somebody told the poor woman that her husband was a liar who was cheating on her.
The woman is lucky, she’s only 25 years old, better she found out now then 20 years from now.
Dimitrious Davis
ShaMika Waiters
Rickilt Wilhem Beman
Hmm.
“If anyone present has any … or forever hold their peace.”
This is a reason for that line in a traditional wedding, (along with they both have the same father, or she’s already married and first husband isn’t dead.)
So it wasn’t there wedding, but the boyfriend had met him as a married man who lied to the boyfriend. Also was lying to the wife.
Married guy was a coward, that couldn’t face himself, his boyfriend, or his wife about the situation.
Boyfriend believed she deserved to know.
When HIV is a real possibility, she had a right to know.
Dealing with the knowledge sucks, but oh well.
JerseyMike
HOT GRITS!!!
Oona Gorman
It looks bad but it’s good. This idiot is happy so he’ll leave her alone. He thinks he’s won! She can move on to better and brighter secure in the knowledge his new love is about to see what a conniving parasite he’s invited into his life.
Philip Epstein
Not on their wedding a friend’s wedding and yes he had no right to do that.
Foster Billingsley
Although I don’t agree or approve of the man marrying the woman knowing he is gay. The other guy was in the total wrong outing the married man and at a social event. It was not his place. Obviously he was hoping the married guy would leave his wife for him. The guy was a coward to tell the wife and then run away.
stranded
Every story on reddit seems fake
ingyaom
I’m with DCguy – assuming this story isn’t fake, the boyfriend did her a favor so she could get out of a disastrous marriage early, not decades later with kids and all that. Hubby’s right – be a little nicer to Matthew. He’s your friend, not your enemy just because you don’t like what he said. Your husband ruined your marriage (by entering into it), not his boyfriend.
Joe Eugene
Hmmm. I had a near-romance with a college friend who may have been bi but opted to stick with women (a good choice around 1970). He became terminally ill and I went to his last-chance wedding. After the service we sat in the back of the tiny chapel and held hands and kissed and cried together while they took pictures of the bride and bridesmaids.
Brian
Looks like the bully boys of the gay community are showing their usual intolerance for men who have both heterosexual and homosexual feelings in them. Typical.
The arrogance and hypocrisy of intolerant gay men is evident to the world. You’re angry that the man has chosen a woman over a man.
JerseyMike
If the boyfriend had not done it for selfish reasons I would agree with him telling her. The husband is a POS.. If the boyfriend think the husband is going to be any better to him.. GTFOOH!! Karma has no expiration date..
Brian
The ex-boyfriend appears to be angry that his ex-male lover chose a woman over a man to spend his life with.
Paco
He was lying, cheating and had the nerve to bring the home wrecking POS to help him move out and told her to be nicer to the home wrecker? Hope she gets tested since she has no idea about his condom usage and sexual history while they were married.
The silver lining in it is that she deserves better and can hopefully find herself a man with enough balls to treat her with respect while she is still young. At least her youth wasn’t wasted on the coward.
martinbakman
@stranded: I agree. Something is missing from her story. Just seems peculiar that the secret gay boyfriend from the past ended up at the same wedding ceremony as the married couple. Do they live in a small town or what….?
David Wickham
So much for letting someone down easy
JerseyMike
@Brian: Sorry Brian but no one is hating on Bisexual men.. Most of us just don’t like cheating/lying a$$holes. If you don’t want to be with someone (man or woman) don’t string them along and lie. Bisexuality is as real as homosexuality or heterosexuality. The husband is a lying POS. I know lots of gay men who are lying POS as well. The boyfriend is no better because he had ulterior motives when he told the wife. You are right, the BF should have left it alone and went on his way..
Ian
This was funny.
Brian
All men are able to show homosexual desire. However, most men keep such desire hidden out of fear of offending women. Women can be very nasty and homophobic when male homosexual desire interferes with their competitive advantage as women.
Don’t underestimate the anger that women feel towards male homosexual desire.
KM201
To @Brian: and the other whiny queens on here bitching that the ex-boyfriend outed him to his wife. A quote from the Reddit thread that Queerty conveniently left out:
“I had my suspicions something was up a year after we got married and he was getting too close to his male clients ( I used to see him getting really close to some of them while I was at the gym too, when he got pissed that I didn’t want to go to last year’s pride parade, the fact that he doesnt want kids and keeps saying “not now”, the fact that he jerks off WAY more than we have sex and will do it right after he says he’s not in the mood), but then I brushed it off thinking that it was normal for him.”
The ex-boyfriend did the woman a favor, whether you’ll acknowledge it or not. 😉
Morris Spinetti
Become a lesbian and get over it
hamoboy
Fuck this guy and fuck the ex-boyfriend. First of all, the husband is a cowardly piece of shit. It’s 2016, there’s no excuse for this bullshit in a first world nation. Too terrified to come out of the closet, but not too terrified to come inside strange men? Yeah fuck that. There’s no excuse for the constant cheating
And this “Matthew”, what a piece of work. You don’t go to the house to help pack up when you’re the “other woman”. That’s pure trash. But this guy’s gonna pump and dump Matthew too, I’d bet good money on it. So he’ll get his.
Justin Wadsworth
Sad reality even in these great days. The psychological harm these selfish closet cases inflict on their unsuspecting wives would be immense:(
Evji108
This story does not ring true at all, it doesn’t feel authentic. I think it’s totes made up.
Damon Robbins
Holly should be thankful that she is only 25 and they did not have any kids.It’s a tragedy but life will go on and wounds will heal. I know because I was that guy once upon a time.
Brian
Oh, get over it, sweethearts. The man is entitled to choose a woman for a life partner. You have no right to judge a man’s choice, you judgmental people.
Many of you are even more judgmental than Ted Cruz, sheesh……
dustashed
Everyone seems to be viewing this through the lens of their own bias. Any story can be spun differently depending on how it is told.
She is telling it from her perspective, which is fair. But we also don’t know how or what the other 2 guys were experiencing. There are many facets to this story.. as with all stories.
It is still a shitty situation overall.. but that’s just life sometimes
Brian
If the married man once had a boyfriend, that’s not anybody’s business, not even his wife’s. He’s entitled to privacy of the past.
Of course, if the married man is cheating, that’s wrong. I’m not condoning cheating in any way, shape or form. From my reading of this article, it appears the ex-boyfriend is bitter at losing his former lover to another person. He’s the archetypal angry gay guy who’s pissed off at the fact that his former flame chose somebody else.
The boyfriend appears to be playing the “he’s gay” card to try to convince the woman to reject her husband, thus exploiting the fear that many women have of male homosexual desire.
DCguy
@Brian:
I love it when people like you who support Kim Davis, defend the anti-gay politicians who attack LGBT people and who always defends the closet tries to pretend that not agreeing to be second class citizens makes gays bullies.
I understand, you hate women and hate yourself, therefore anybody who hates you, like bigots, like Kim Davis, must be right.
As for this story, she is well rid of him.
bottom250
Honey you don’t need that needy woman. Once you go man there is no other plan.
Brian
@DCguy: I consider your comment to be ridiculous and not particularly gay-friendly.
DCguy
@Brian:
And yet you couldn’t point out any parts of it that were not gay friendly. You are just hoping that by saying that you could make it so.
Sorry, but I don’t consider you defending Kim Davis, defending anti-gay policies, defending the closet, and attacking gays for asking to be treated like people gay friendly.
Again, I get it, you are self hating so support those who hate you, because in your mind, they are right.
John A Bell
No winner in this situation or similar events.
Vikrant Lal
The friend outed the guy because he knew the guy was never going to have the balls to end the marriage. So he basically sabotaged the marriage and forced the guy’s hand. – the “friend” got what he wanted
Josh447
In all cases, honesty is the best policy. This one doesn’t get a free pass for the sake of pure pain and lies, which some out of integrity people here support. Obviously this three way train wreck was a huge mistake. Bravo for the bf to turn up the heat. Tough love is a bitch.
Good luck to the newly outed lovers and may the wife recover asap and find the man that is compatible. And regarding the silly non-truth “he had no right!” (to bring honest action to three lies), that reminds me of the old addage, “all is fair in love and war.” In this case, “the truth will (did) set you (them) free”.
Black Pegasus
Do people actually believe these stories on reddit?
GayEGO
It is unfortunate for her to have to go through this but fortunately she found out soon enough. Life is what it is and hopefully, in the future, it will not be an embarrassment to be gay and we won’t have to come out of the closet which can cause painful breakups.
RJPinUSN
Married guy lied to both the wife and the boyfriend, essentially cheating on them both. They both deserved to know the truth. It is better she found out at age 25 and can still find a good man and have kids with him if she wants that. Imagine finding out at 35?
Joey Torrealba
I usually think that honesty is the best thing for a couple. Is what makes people come together now it was fucked up for that other guy to say that to her. He could of been a little more sensitive about it. But he choose not too he chose to be an asshole and said it bluntly. It should of been the husband that should of told his wife. But they husband was a fucken coward and didn’t man up to his secret affair. I feel bad for that poor inoccent girl who was cheated and deceive by the closet husband. If he knew he was Gay why play with someone’s feelings it’s just wrong. It’s wrong and Fucked up that’s why alot of people hate us or called us hores because of these situations. Men are not honest of what the like or feel instead they lie and make things worse. I am sorry sweetie about your man cheating on you their are more Men in the world don’t worry.
Mack
@Phillip Bernal: It wasn’t his wedding day it was someone else’s that they were attending. But I agree with you that the guy shouldn’t have outed him, it was none of his business. But more than likely he wanted him back in his life and that was the reason.
Having said what I said, I’ve been there and done that with my ex-wife. Now 31 years later we’re best friends.
David Bolton
Real things don’t happen on Reddit. Or Whisper. Or Dear Abby.
dean089
This article leaves me with two thoughts:
a) if you’re going to have a ‘secret’ affair go outside your social circle;
b) “Maybe he’s bi?” Seriously? This is the part that I don’t get about this whole “bi” thing. I have now problem with “I used to be in a relationship with a man and now I’m in a relationship with a woman.” Easy peasy. But when I hear “bi” in the context of a non-monogamous relationship, that’s something else. You just want to fuck around whenever and with whomever you want. OK, fine, just as long as your partner knows they are in that kind of relationship. This thing of “Hey, I’m bi, I fuck around, deal with it…” No, sorry, you’ll get no support from me.
Chris
This reminds me of the saying that before you can cook an omelette, you have to break some eggs. And for things to get set aright, that sham marriage needed to end.
aldanzion
Disloyalty is the greatest of Crimes, and Deserves the Cruelest Of Punishments.
She can be glad of one thing, her shit lying gay husband will get his. The boyfriend will do to him… what he did to her. Gay men who marry a woman to hide their unresolved sexual feelings are the lowest of the low. They re not Gay.. they’re just Assholes.
aldanzion
oh, did anyone see the British Film..Sunday Bloody Sunday…. this episode gives me memories of that.
Jason Whaling
The guy that told the wife was a coward and had ulterior motives it seems…aspecially since she didn’t bring the topic up to him. But…perhaps he was in essence trying to protect her. But it wasn’t his place. I’m sure he’s remorseful. Terrible so many lives damaged because someone feels they can’t be who they are.
mokuhulu
Isn’t that the plot of Brokeback Mountain?
John
Isn’t “Reddit” similar to a Penthouse forum but without sexual details?
jimmycurry01
@Phillip Bernal: You didn’t actually bother to read the story, did you?
KiwiJello
This is unfortunate, but probably more common than not. Society wants us to hide. They tell us we make a choice. This is what happens when we pretend they are right. We hurt other people.
kelly_rosenfeld
@Brian: the problem is the guy did not chose the woman over a man,he lied to her to hide his sexuality,while he was in love with that guy.he went to tell his mind to him,then he had sex with him and decided to leave his wife for the very same guy,it is not seems like he chose a woman as a life partner over a man,right?he just used her as a cover.he cheated on his wife with that guy,he was in love with that guy and he left his wife for that guy,so where it come from your idea, that he chosen a woman over a man?I had a husband like this guy,and i was very grateful to his boyfriend when he told me the truth,everyone has right to know the truth,and i don’t want to live with someone who is in love with someone else,and more, i don’t want make other people unhappy.my husband was unhappy and his boyfriend was ready to commit suicide…So if it is on wedding day, or on my birthday,i want know the truth