The masc4masc debate rages on…
A new video, which is obviously designed to be triggering, has been making the rounds on social media. It asks a group of six gay men to what extent they agree or disagree with the statement, “I prefer masculine men.” And the internalized homophobia and coded misogyny is so thick it’s almost palpable.
Three of the men strongly agree, two somewhat agree, and only one somewhat disagrees with the statement.
Gays on Twitter: masc guys are overrated.
Gays in real life: pic.twitter.com/x2secINqh8— rick (@ricktrbl) October 21, 2019
“Personally, I’m a really feminine, flamboyant person,” says Josh, one of the three who strongly agreed with the statement. “So having that same energy with another person doesn’t really seem attractive to me.”
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He adds that he desires men who are “different, unique, and that I could learn from.”
Related: This guy’s epic read of another dude asking if he’s “masculine” is going viral
“I’m on this line because I want someone who is my equal,” Charlie, who also strongly agreed, adds. “I identify as a masculine man, therefore I think the reason I strongly agree is just because I want that equality in my relationship, as a masculine man.”
Bill, who somewhat agreed to the statement, notes that gay men’s attractions towards masculine men could stem from a deep-seated hated for themselves.
“I was always drawn to people who were masculine,” he says. “I don’t know if it was because if they were feminine, that reminded me of parts of myself I didn’t like. I think there was an aspect of that.”
Related: Gay guys sound off on pressure to act masculine
The only man who somewhat disagreed with the statement is Ellis, who says he thinks social pressure plays a big part in why some gay men desire masculine guys.
“Yes, there’s a lot of innate attraction of what you like, but I think there’s a lot of social pressure that you don’t even realize is happening subconsciously that you’re trained to like,” he explains.
“I do like masculine men as well then I was kind of taking a step back, [I asked myself] why is that? Why do I like that? Am I being kind of force-fed that?”
Watch the full video below…
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Here’s the right one…
dhmonarch89
You really don’t choose what you’re attracted to in a guy- like your sexuality, it is what it is, but today- we all have to be into everything or we’re bigots. And- this recaptcha BS is getting to the point where I don’t want to even come to this site!
JaredMacBride
So Graham is now a psychoanalyst?
GlobeTrotter
Oh god, can we please get over this forced-inclusion identity politics? One of the guys in the video began his statement by saying “I identify as masculine” – what does this even mean??? How can you “identify” as something? You are what you are, end of argument. Saying “I identify” infers a conscious choice, which it is not!
Years ago one of my dancer friends introduced me to one of his good friends while we were out at a gay bar one night. To say his friend was STUNNING would be the understatement of the century! He was perhaps the most gorgeous man I’d ever seen, and as a ballet dancer, he was buffed and toned in all the right places. Those cheekbones, those sensuous lips, that ass! I started salivating immediately and when he asked my name, I had to think twice to try and remember. I could hardly believe he was interested in me, but as we got to talking, my interest quickly faded like a deflated balloon. He was soooo effeminate, and bitchy, and shallow. And that high, whiny, effeminate voice. For me, that was an immediate turn off, and I spent the rest of the night trying to avoid him. Just checked on google – he’s now a major ballet star in Europe.
The moral of the story, you can’t help who you’re attracted to. And all the beauty in the world won’t help if you’re not attracted to the personality. It has nothing to do with discrimination or gender identity, but simply who you are as a person and what fulfills you as an individual.
DarkZephyr
LOL Dude, I thought you were busting out with some great wisdom, I was nodding my head at what you were saying, getting all revved up and and then boom:
“He was soooo effeminate, and bitchy, and shallow. And that high, whiny, effeminate voice.” LOL
Its true that we can’t really choose what we are attracted to but we CAN choose whether or not we act like wretched c*nts about it. Do you even see the irony in your words about “bitchy” and “shallow” people? I hate that I’m reminded of a bible verse of all things, but I am. And it goes “You ARE that man” (2 Samuel 12:7). Look in the mirror, guy (just don’t expect to find the same good looks as the ballet hunk you disparaged).
GlobeTrotter
Way to judge a situation you were not a part of!
Truth be told, I’ve wondered many times if I over-reacted, but every time I think back to that situation, I know that I made the right decision. Yes, Mr. Ballet Dancer was drop dead gorgeous and very masculine looking on the outside. When he opened his mouth however, I was not impressed by what I saw on the inside. And by this I mean bitchy comments about other people in the bar (their looks, what they were wearing, etc), his overly bitchy demeanor (acted like an arrogant prima donna all night) and that irritating voice of his (very effeminate, “valley girl” mannerisms).
Now this is not to say that some other guy couldn’t find value and fulfillment with this type of personality. I, however, do not belong to this group. This neither makes me a hypocrite nor a c*nt. Maybe he’s a different person now, but I remember being very surprised back then that someone with his looks and accomplishments could lack so much self-confidence.
DarkZephyr
Your predictable and narrow attractions might make you come across as boring, but they don’t make you a c*nt, but how you express them might. You didn’t just complain about his attitude, you complained about his “effeminate and high pitched whiny voice” and you described his whole person as “effeminate”. That’s the c*nty part that makes you come across as the spitting image of how you describe him.
BTW, would someone that was into “masc” guys be into you? Are you like this awesome powerhouse of manly butchness that all the boys just swoon over as you flex your magnificent biceps and speak in deep baritone?
lauraspencer
hahhaaa. This is funny irony. It seems many gay men want “masculine” but nobody knows what that means. Most of the men featured in this video are interested in “masculine” guys and I have an inkling if you asked them they would consider themselves “masculine”. Yet most people watching this video would not. The guy in the leather jacket and tweezed eyebrows is not most gay guys idea of “masculine” yet he identifies that way. If you want to be happy just find a good, smart, cute guy. If you keep looking for an unrealistic label, you will always be alone.
frankcar1965
Almost every gay I know thinks they are “masculine” when they are big ole Queens.
Rock-N-RollHS
“Trigger”? Wtf does trigger even mean in this context? Um, provocative?
Poor author: majored in gender studies with a suitcase full of useless rhetoric and all he could find was this lousy-paying job.
auburnalum01
Right?! Just another Queerty bait and switch. The video is interesting enough on its on without trying to make it something it’s not.
Paco
The guy that said he identifies as a masculine man was anything but masculine.
Masculinity really is subjective.
auburnalum01
I thought the same thing! He opened his mouth and. Purse fell out.
SELA Rising
LOL @ everyone thinking their attraction or tastes are not informed by society … and its standards of beauty and masculinity.
Also, what is feminine and masculine? I am as talented with the many power tools in my shed as I am with the sewing machine in my closet. I go to baseball games and I go to musicals. Aren’t people just a collection of their experiences? Why are people still stuck on these labels?
As the kids say, Do you Boo, do you.
domen8r
Is Torrey single?
Cam
IF somebody is hot and nice that’s it. Half the time the guys who parrot “Masculinity” will run from a gay basher and the one dressed up in drag will kick the basher’s ass.
jjose712
This policyng on preferences is disgusting.
I don’t doubt some people have inner issues, but having preference for masculine man doesn’t men you have any problem with femenine guys
wellinmysoul
ive said this before on here…. you dont suck a di*ck, you suck the man. I’ve never and will never suck a queen or some sissy man-wanta-be aspiration. I know there are men on here that know exactly what I’m saying….
Dymension
Oh, whatever. People should seek whatever they like. I know plenty of people don’t like me, aren’t attracted to me. That’s OK! I have my fans too!
johnnymcmxxx
Why should anyone care who someone else is or is not attracted to. If it’s based on bigotry, it’s their shame and not ours. Stay the hell out of other’s privacy and choices. Only your business is your business. God damn!
djmcgamester
I prefer masculine men. I also have preferences on race, level of hairiness, circumcision status, fitness and other factors. They’re not necessarily deal breakers but there it is. I was in a LTR with a guy considerably less masculine that me but that was more the exception than the rule. I don’t give a damn what those people think. If you’re the kind of person who demands equality of outcome we’re never going to be compatible even if you fit all of my otherwise “perfect” criteria. IOW, why would either of us actually want to date each other? We’re clearly not a match.
gymmuscleboy
We need to try harder to be attracted to femininity, people! In fact, we ought to try harder to be attracted to actual females! Oh wait, we tried that? It didn’t work? Right.
Josh447
I don’t think guys act or look “feminine”. I think it’s more about who looks masculine and who looks and/or acts gay/queenie.
I’d probably leave women out of the equation seeing as though they act neither gay nor queenie.
I like masculine men. If I reject a guy for dating I never think he’s like a girl feminine or a woman. I think about the purse in mouth the flailing hands the look of gay face, being turned off by. Women or fem don’t enter my mind bc they don’t exhibit those traits.
It’s insulting to women to pin it on them inaccurately. It’s a total non fit. These are guys that have an accentuated gay gene, not female gene.
davidf73
I will also add, that when it comes to attraction, like many said here, why do you want to be dictating what they should like? Are fem guys so without self esteem they need an appeal for a pity f***? Sounds like one. If you are fem, be proud of yourself, same if you are masc or in between. Just realise sometimes if your characteristics aren’t the flavor ATM, you can’t socially engineer it to change. Try something different, maybe more fems says more fems? Just leave some for me. Oh and I don’t need to define which one I am, you will work it out. Also ‘straight acting’ is a hilarious description, it really is.
Politically_incorrect
Gay media is dying out, the ‘gay community’ is divided and it’s all because of identity politics. The concept of promoting inclusion is highly commended, however the inevitable diatribes expressed through articles such as this only re-enforce negative stereotypes, not diminish them. If an article which purports to champion real inclusion, then it would include unbiased non-judgemental input as to why men who want Masc4Masc are actually seeking. Unfortunately, this like every other ‘woke’ campaign embarked upon by the radical queer left is about reversing the hierarchy not dismantling it. I am a Sociologist by training and a an out gay man. I don’t judge effeminate men and it’s others who decide to label me masculine. I am not attracted to Masculine but I defend the right of others to do so without guilt or judgement. My analysis of articles such as this, is that those who seek to shame Gay men for their sexual preferences are merely projecting their own insecurities and it needs to stop.