Matt Bomer may be on top of the world now, showing it’s possible to be out and thriving in Hollywood, but his road to success wasn’t smooth. Now he’s opening up about a particularly rough patch — coming out to his homophobic parents.
Bomer grew up in a Christian conservative home in Texas. Needless to say, being gay was not part of his parents’ plan.
“Telling your family is a huge, huge deal,” the Magic Mike actor confessed in an interview with Out.
“I really view my life as divided between the time before I told my parents, and the time after.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
“And the decisions I made, and the life I lived, before and after, are vastly different. It’s night and day.”
“There was radio silence for a long, long time, at least six months,” he revealed.
“And then I came home and we had the blowup that I’d always feared.
“But we got that out of the way, and we got down to the business of figuring out how to love each other.”
Bomer has since married publicist Simon Halls, with whom he has three children. And while he finally found resolution with his parents, he recognizes how painful it was to get where he is.
“It was a struggle. It’s a struggle for anybody to take their paradigms and set of beliefs and understandings and completely flip the script.
“So I’m empathetic toward everyone.”
In the end it came down to exposure — Bomer’s parents likely lived their whole lives without a positive relationship with a gay person, insulated in a community that shared this prejudice. And that’s not easy ship to turn.
But turn it he did.
“My mom just asked me, [my husband] Simon, and the boys to go down and speak to her women’s group in Houston so, you know, I’m here to tell people it can get better. Because I had so many people in my life saying, ‘You need to get rid of all expectations — you need to cut them out.’ But I was like, ‘They’re my family.'”
Jere
I’m sure the memory of that time is painful, but I wish Bomer would have gone into more detail about what was involved in the “blow up.” What was was said on both sides, how it affected him, how long it took the family to come around and how that happened, etc. He sort of “yadda yadda yaddas” the most important part of his story here.
baal61
It takes courage and conviction to risk losing your family’ over being true to who you really are and who you love. But at the end of the day’ It is your choice your life; they don’t live it for you’ that is a part you play as long as you live. Xo
Celtic
So very true. Now in my mid-seventies (Yeah! Some of us make it this far!), I never came out to my parents. My first partner and I were together 8 years, and close friends until he passed. My parents “knew”. It was simpler in the 1960s and ’70s to “let them figure it out.” My mother absolutely adored my partner. And, our families gathered together for picnics, etc. My partner “officially” came to his parents a year after we split up. At the time there was a men’s clothing line, “Ah Men”. My partners mother, ever the sweet and innocent, said, “Ah, men. I always wondered why they spelled it like that!”
Too much energy is wasted on people’s sexual orientation. The U.S. likes to think we are so “advanced”. We are not. Bomer hails from a state notorious for being anti-gay, anti-black and anti-women. I think a lot of the good ole Lone Star boys are a bit mixed up in their heads.
Sluggo2007
@Celtic – Texas boys mixed up in their heads? That’s the understatement of the century. I lived in Austin for several years in the eighties. Traveled around the entire state. I had more “straight” guys than gay guys. It’s the world’s biggest closet!
He BGB
If Christians only had evidence that Jesus said being gay was wrong and give examples but it seems Jesus just preached love and inclusion. Here we go with bigotry wrapped in religion is still bigotry. Any excuse to hate something we we feel uncomfortable with, fear and ignorance. I read a the New Guy us going to try to pass an executive order tomorrow for “religious freedom”. We are getting closer and closer to being one of those theocratic countries where discrimination rules.
Celtic
The fact is, In The Gospel of Matthew, Chapter 19, Jesus mentions those men “who are not called to marry” and those men “who are born as eunuchs from their mothers’ wombs”. Scholars have written that this was Jesus’ awareness and acknowledgement of man-man love. The term “homosexual” was unheard of at that time. When Jesus went to heal the Centurion’s servant, based on how the Centurion referred to his “servant”, Jesus would have known the servant was the Centurion’s lover. Christians, too many, use religion to hate, a total contradiction to the Teachings.
batesmotel
I’d wait to see what this alleged ruling will say before going into a panic and fearing the worst.
Tombear
Your mother always knows.
BriBri
Very true! Verbalizing it takes away the doubt and of course the sad reaction of his parents. 🙁
winemaker
Amen to that, again Amen!
Pneumatikon
How about GIVING HIS PARENTS CREDIT FOR RAISING A GOOD KID?!! So many bitchy comments about Christians out of you people. The really sad part is you think you’re so cool. You’d think Southern Christians are the only people in the world who can be obnoxious if we only got word from people like you.
Try making fun of black people sometimes. Or Jews. See how fast your asses get tossed out of a job.
GayEGO
I was 50 when I came out in 1991 and my father had already passed away in 1975 and probably would not have liked my coming out. My mother was originally from Alabama and when I told her in 1991 she said I am not the abomination, the bigots are. My family met my lifetime partner of 55 years in 1962 when I was in the Navy stationed in Boston. We drove out to Boise, Idaho for Christmas and my family met “my roommate” and thought he was very nice. We have been married for 13 years in Massachusetts and are both retired and living the American dream.
Matt Bomer’s parents may have taught him some good principles but they failed in recognizing who their son is. Although my sister married a Texan and moved down there from Idaho, she still loved me when I came out, but her Texas friends and religion tried to sway her thinking into – I chose to be gay. I told her why would I choose to be someone that gets a lot of discrimination? The fact is I would not, but I did choose to live my life as who I am, a gay man who was born gay.
sylvialucas444
dfdfdfdfdfdfdfdfdfStart making more money weekly… This is a valuable part time work for everyone… The best part ,work from comfort of your house and get paid from $100-$2k each week …•••••••??
???USA~JOB-START
DMRX
Ugh… Queerty editors:
How did you not notice that one of your writers had already reported on this 2 days before?!
Good grief!
Marvellis1
Matt, you are a hero to me and thousands of people who are gay and have homophobic family members. Although my family long ago alienated me, my family became supportive gay and straight friends. Thank you for keeping your integrity and being an example for us all.