firebrand

Matt Gaetz just released hourlong video denying teen sex allegations and talking about online dating

Here’s something we didn’t know we didn’t need until right now…

Matt Gaetz just released an hourlong video on YouTube defending himself against those teen sex allegations, tearing into Fox News for blacklisting him, and offering his personal opinions about online dating.

The video was the premiere episode of his crappy new podcast “Firebrand”, which promises audiences a “behind-the-scenes look into the Swamp of Washington without the spin of Fake News and Deep State influence.”

“Fox News isn’t what it used to be,” the heavily-Botoxed congressman lamented in the video. “And it probably has something to do with their corporate board member Paul Ryan.”

Related: That time everyone thought Matt Gaetz killed his college roommate during a “gay sex game gone wrong”

From there, he descended into some nonsense about 75-year-old Lou Dobbs being unfairly ousted as a host on Fox Business back in February.

“Now that Ryan has concentrated power at Fox News, Lou Dobbs is no longer on air,” he said.

(For the record: Dobbs’ show was canceled earlier this year after he spread one too many conspiracy theories about the 2020 presidential election.)

As for that pesky teen sex scandal, Gaetz spent almost half the episode talking about how “there is much more to this story” than has been reported, but then he didn’t actually offer any new information or insight and instead just repeated what he’s already said about it 10,000 times before.

He once again accused the Justice Department of leaking the story to the New York Times, which he called “verifiably false” and “printed with malice.”

Related: Matt Gaetz talks “sexual missteps” and sharing nudes and we just threw up in our mouths a little

Of course, as terrible as all this has been, none of it has been surprising because, according to Gaetz, it’s just the cost of being a Republican martyr these days.

“This wasn’t the first time I was learning of false allegations against me,” he whined.

Even though nobody asked, Gaetz also responded to reports that he had a profile on the sugar daddy website Seeking Arrangement, denying ever having an account because meeting people online is “just not my thing.”

“I’ve always been more of an IRL kind of guy,” he boasted.

Then he spent 30 nauseating minutes interviewing Marjorie Taylor Greene before signing off until next week.

Watch the episode below. Or don’t.