Matt Gaetz talks “sexual missteps” and sharing nudes and we just threw up in our mouths a little

This just in: Rep. Matt Gaetz has a new book out… though we hesitate to use the word “book” since it reads more 244 pages of emails and text messages about his dating life (or lack there of).

In Firebrand: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the MAGA Revolution, the antigay Representative from Florida talks about how he “arrived in D.C. as a single man after a couple of long-term relationships that didn’t work out” and has had to be extra careful about who dates since people are awful and nobody can be trusted.

Though he would like to settle down eventually, Gaetz says Donald Trump makes being a single man in Washington, D.C. easier than ever because he has normalized being a womanizer and a philanderer.

“I have an active social life,” writes Gaetz, “and it’s probably easier in the era of Trump.”

“We’ve had ‘perfect family man’ presidents before, after all, and many of those men sold out our country, even if their wives were happy the whole time,” he continues. “If politicians’ family lives aren’t what really matter to the voters, maybe that’s a good thing. I’m a representative, not a monk.”

Related: That time everyone thought Matt Gaetz killed his college roommate during a “gay sex game gone wrong”

The 38-year-old also writes about how he’s had to establish boundaries when it comes to dating so as to avoid any potential career-ending “sexual missteps.”

“I knew going in how many people had been brought down by sexual missteps in this town, so I set some rules to help me err on the safe side,” he writes. “In Washington, safe sex means in part: no dating lobbyists, no dating your staff members, and I should have added no dating reporters, but I didn’t at first.”

(We feel compelled to add that safe sex also means taking PrEP, using condoms, and getting regularly tested for STDs and STIs.)

Without naming any names, Gaetz goes on to talk about a male colleague from the House of Representatives who’s been dating his scheduler.

“They’re happy. Blissfully in love, he says. I told him, keep in mind she’s no longer working for you—you’re working for her, not the public you swore on oath to serve,” he writes. “She’ll be hailed as a hero the moment she decides to call it off and publicly complain about it.”

Gaetz adds that “it’s risky to date in a town where there’s potentially a thin line between love and blackmail, or at least love and bad PR.”

(Of course, one could always conduct oneself in manner that doesn’t open themselves up to blackmail, but maybe that’s expecting too much from the guy who allegedly used his father’s influence as a state senator to try and weasel his way out of drunk driving charges and lied about having a 19-year-old son.)

Gaetz also writes about how “boomer Congress” is so easily scandalized, especially by millennials like him.

“We’ve all made mistakes—the pictures are everywhere—and we don’t get too worked up about it,” he writes. “My mug shot from an arrest twelve years ago is online. So what? Some people share nudes. Big deal. Do we really care?”

He continues, “As millennials, we were handed phones with video cameras at the most hormonal stage of life and we document every transgression.”

Anyone else feel like they need to shower off now?

Related: Antigay Rep. Matt Gaetz caught partying with a convicted felon and an accused pedophile