Matt Gaetz’s friends have all ditched him, won’t answer texts, joke about how he’s totally screwed

The sinking island Matt Gaetz lives on appears to be getting lonelier and lonelier with each passing day.

A new report from Business Insider claims the few friends he has left in the world are all paranoid about texting him because they assume the FBI is monitoring his communications.

We know what you’re probably thinking: Matt Gaetz has friends??? And, believe it or not, he does! Or, he did until he became ensnared in that whole teen sex trafficking scandal earlier this year.

Now, they’re all abandoning ship.

How about we take this to the next level?

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Related: The latest turn in Matt Gaetz’s teen sex trafficking case probably has him wetting the bed

“They know that there’s a massive investigation going on,” one friend of Gaetz tells Insider. “That makes people hesitant to reach out.”

Another friend adds, “It’s a natural sort of reaction. No one wants to inject themselves into anything while there’s 16 dozen people looking into everything that comes into that phone.”

Gaetz has denied all of the allegations against him and has not been charged with any crimes, but that hasn’t stopped those within his orbit from speculating.

Business Insider reports:

Gaetz’s former classmates at William & Mary Law School recently received a save the date for their 15-year reunion next April. Some joked that Gaetz might attend with federal agents. His former law school classmates are “anticipating his indictment,” said one of his ex-classmates.

For now, Florida politicos, Washington Republicans, and others who know Gaetz say they’re waiting to see what’s next in the legal drama, even though the headlines have died down. “Everybody’s kind of sitting back with popcorn,” said one Republican source who worked with Gaetz in Florida.

Last month, multiple media outlets reported that the antigay lawmaker was preparing for a “scorched earth” trial and had hired several well-known New York City litigators to represent him.

Among his legal team are Donald Trump‘s former lawyer, Marc Mukasey, plus Isabelle Kirshner, who represented former New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman after he was accused of assaulting multiple women, and Marc Fernich, perhaps best known for representing child sex offender Jeffrey Epstein and convicted sex trafficker Keith Raniere, leader of the NXIVM cult.