In a new interview with BBC Sport, Matthew Mitcham, 32, opens up about the long road to accepting himself as a gay man, and the awful toll it took on his performance and his body. As he began to realize his attraction to men as a teenager, Mitcham tried desperately to deny his feelings.
“I was so scared of it that I would actually tie a rubber band around my wrist and every time I had a gay thought I would snap it, to try and associate pain and suffering with the gay thought. To try and train myself out of being gay,” said the diver who won gold at the 2008 Bejing Olympics. “I felt stuck not being able to be authentically me. I didn’t want to admit I’d deceived people and lied for so long, which left me feeling alienated.”
For Mitcham that meant consuming large amounts of drugs and alcohol to forget the truth.
“I would literally block my nose and drink, drink, drink because the aim wasn’t to get drunk, it was to throw up and pass out quicker than I did the week before,” he said. “It was relief, escapism and a way of shutting my brain off for a few hours, but it kept escalating.”
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Related: Matthew Mitcham Says He Was As Surprised As Everyone When Tom Daley Came Out
Mitcham’s depression got so bad, he actually quit diving for a time. His redemption took place 15 months prior to the 2008 Olympics. When a second chance to compete presented itself, Mitcham quit drinking and staged an athletic comeback, eventually winning gold.
He then came out as gay, which proved stressful if liberating.
“I was scared about the response, but going into the Olympics I didn’t want the Australian public to think of me one way – as straight – and then have to come out afterward, feeling like I’d lied to them,” he admits. “I thought it might mean I had no supporters, but the response was fantastic and I gained this enormous colorful worldwide community. It’s honestly the best decision I’ve ever made.”
In the same interview, Mitcham went on to detail a brief relapse following his Olympic win when “come down” from success pushed him back into depression. He became addicted to crystal meth and contemplated suicide before admitting himself to rehab.
These days Mitcham is much happier–and clean of drugs and alcohol. He married his husband Luke Rutherford in February 2020 and discovered newfound pride in his coming out, which has opened the door to other gay athletes competing in the Olympics.
“I’m really happy with how my life is, not least because I got married last year, so I’ve got a husband and he’s really good looking,” says Mitcham. “I’ve been hard on myself throughout my life, but I look back with kinder eyes now, and I’m proud of not only what I won but being able to do it all as an openly gay man, because of the oppression that is still felt in so many countries around the world.”
Monkey1
Good for him, but I’ll never understand why so many younger gay men are attracted to crystal meth?
Cam
And the right wing troll account, that always excuses ALL behavior by Republican bigots, turns this inspirational article about an openly gay athlete who won gold and publicly was out into an attack on young LGBTQ people.
As I’ve said to you under many of your screenames, your troll game is old, boring and obvious Troll.
Monkey1
Uh oh, looks like I struck a chord with you, Cam. But not to worry I don’t care if you smoke crystal meth, so keep it up!
Cam
@Monkey1
LOL! The troll account got called out on trying to always attack LGBTQ people and desperately tries to deflect again.
Please tell your manager at the troll farm to give you some more trolling lessons. You’re just not good enough at it to try it on this website. The Mormon trolls from a few years back were much better at it than you are.
TMBisAOK
Don’t worry Cam. He exposes his ignorance right there for the world to see. I mean my god, who makes a statement like that about crystal meth, one of the most well known high inducing drugs out there !? Its like saying, “I dont understand people being attracted to cocaine or alcohol or heroin.” REALLY!? You don’t understand it!? WOW! SMFH
dhmonarch89
he had a different boyfriend at the 2008 Games- I remember NBC refusing to ID him in the stands…I think they got married… did they divorce and this is Matt’s second? I’ve always like Matt and wish him well- just curious about the status of husband #1.
Cam
In Wikipedia, this is the only marriage they mention.
Kit McCollum
I don’t think they were ever “married,” and most likely the relapse into crystal meth probably killed that relationship.
TMBisAOK
Hey Cam! You need to google what wikipedia’s even is and how it works. It’s not exactly a great source for full “facts” on someone.
Cam
@TMBisAOK
Wikipedia is rated as accurate as other online sources. If it’s wrong and he was married before post a link, I’m not overly inv3ested. But this seems to be his first marriage.
Openminded
Very proud for him living his true self and even prouder than he could overcome addiction.
It would be nice if we lived in a world where “coming out” wasn’t even necessary. It’s not like straight people have to come out as straight.
Cam
Because laws aren’t passed against people being straight.
Hi Roy Ajax, Monkey1, TheREALTruth, etc. You’ve changed your tactic with this screename recently. You used to be full o right wing troll under ut, but now try to present a softer face.
But even with that, you’re still trying to throw out the idea that LGBTQ people coming out isn’t something we should be doing.
Your troll game is slightly better with this screename recently, but it’s still old and tired.
nunya
The is no reason to come out. Live your life as you see fit with no excuses or apologies. Unless they are paying your way in life, you owe no one any explanations.
Vince
Meth abuse and not accepting yourself lines up perfectly. No better escape.
nunya
Meth/drug abuse and weak minds line up perfectly.