McCain’s 2013? We Doubt It.

John McCain released a new ad campaign today depicting the year 2013, four years into his potential, admittedly presumptuous presidency.

We have to tell you, the commercial plays a trailer for a utopian 24. The narrator sounds an awful lot like Dennis Haysbert, who played David Palmer, America’s first black president. Smart move, McCain! But, unfortunately for you, we’re not convinced.

We admit that the McCain-ruled 2013 definitely looks like a pretty great place: we’re growing more energy independent (with windmills!), the terrorist threat has been “reduced,” the Middle East has been Stabilized and everyone loves the economy. Oh, and Bin Laden’s dead.

So basically all is perfect. But, alas, there are some essential problems. First, we don’t believe it. We’ve included video from the press conference below to illustrate our point, but listening to John McCain, we couldn’t help but notice that he’s a little – what’s a polite word? “Creaky.” Not only do we have serious doubts about his longevity, but there’s a severe lack of conviction in his voice. Plus, it’s just weird to hear him talking about this alternate dimension.

Believability aside, there’s another nagging problem: McCain’s love of a good conservative judge. Remember his Sam Alito adoration? Well, it gets more girth in 2013. From the press release:

After four years of a McCain administration, new judges have been confirmed who understand they are not there to write laws, the border is secure and more Americans are called to serve. In 2013:

Scores of judges have been confirmed to the federal bench who understand they were sent there to enforce our laws and make sure they are consistent with the Constitution.

Border state governors have certified and the American people recognize that after tremendous improvements, our southern border is now secure. Illegal immigration is under control, and the American people accept the practical necessity to institute a temporary worker program and deal humanely with illegal immigrants.

Voluntary national service has grown in popularity. [Emphasis McCain’s.]

Really?! People are going to want to be in the army after this debacle? We know you’re prepared to fight for Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, which bans open gays from serving in the military, so under what rock are you going to find these new conscripts? More convicts and killers? Super. Can’t wait to see how that turns out. And besides, if the Middle East has been stabilized, why will we need a bigger army?

See why we’re not buying it, Mac?

Here’s the aforementioned press conference:

Get Queerty Daily

Subscribe to Queerty for a daily dose of #politics #johnmccain #news stories and more


  • underbear1

    McCain 2013,
    Looking in my magic mirror, I see a blonde, (the best money can buy) taunt skinned, rich, 2nd wife pouring gruel in one end, and changing depends on the other end.
    MANY episodes of “murder she wrote” and daily crossword puzzles to keep your razor sharp wit in tact.

  • M Shane

    Problem is that despite a push by the party to get distance from Bush, he has left a legacy which is so pervasive and fucked up as an imperialist state with radically reduced human rights, that whatever Mcanin does he’ll looklike a democrate relativew to that spin that was so torqued up as to be a permanent fixture of their party.
    He can’t win no matter what he does. Only if the American people were so mentally , beyond comprehension fucked, could they put him in and then good luck.

  • abelincoln

    Was I the only one who heard McCain say we caught Osama?

    He seems to have his own version of current events and history.

    I’m glad he can pronounce nukuler.

  • MsSwin

    “And I believe that the success will be fairly easy” and “There’s no doubt in my mind that… we will be welcomed as liberators.”  [CNN, Larry King Live, 9/24/02. MSNBC, Hardball, 3/24/03]
    “I think we could go in with much smaller numbers than we had to do in the past… I don’t believe it’s going to be nearly the size and scope that it was in 1991.”  [Face the Nation, 9/15/02]
    “There’s not a history of clashes that are violent between Sunnis and Shias. So I think they can probably get along.” [MSNBC Hardball, 4/23/03]
    When McCain was asked “at what point will America be able to say the war was won?” He responded, “…it’s clear that the end is, is, is very much in sight.” [ABC, “Good Morning America,” 4/9/03]
    “Overall, I think a year from now, we will have made a fair amount of progress if we stay the course.”  [The Hill, 12/8/05 (Exactly one year before violence in Iraq peaked)]

  • MsSwin

    “The Change You Deserve”


    The new and improved Republican Platform Prescription XR for America produces side effects including but not limited to generalized
    anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, panic disorder, nervousness, yawning, and/or sweating.

    Studies have shown a propensity for abnormal vision, impotence, nausea (31%) and constipation (10%).

    Also revealed were increased instances of depression, decreased libido, agitation, nightmares, delirium, blurred vision and difficulty focusing.

    Known to cause loss of appetite, cold feet, postural hypotension and hemorrhoids (see Bend Over For Bush Syndrome).

    Most common side effect is flatulence and political irritability.

    Less common side effects include acne and/or pustular rash.

    Not a controlled substance and has not been studied in clinical trials regarding potential for abuse.

    For further information see Effexor XR for additional warnings.

    Consult your family doctor if symptoms persist for more than four years.

  • underbear1

    The ugliest part of McSame’s speech was his speaking about strict constructionist Judeges/Justices, then he WINKS at the audience.

    That means batsh*t crazies like Hagee, Tony Perkins, and Phyliss Schafely will be picking the Supreme Court …oh HELL NO!


    “That means batsh*t crazies like Hagee, Tony Perkins, and Phyliss Schafely will be picking the Supreme Court …oh HELL NO!”

    Or it could well be Obamas, Rev. James Meeks-

    Leah Daughtry, Donnie McClurkin, Donna Brazile -Miss reject Shay amendment wich includes GLBT people as delegates on the DNC and the other herd of ANTI-GAY homophobes that support Obama.
    Do your research people.

  • underbear1

    Hillary has her unsavory pastors too, one who spoke at Tony Perkin’s gatherings and was a faith based leader for Bush.

  • underbear1

    btw churchlady

    Donna Brazile is NOT in the League of sub-human a$$wipes like Tony Perkins, Phyliss Schafely and Hagee.

    do YOUR motherf*cking research!

  • underbear1

    as far as I’ve heard Donna Brazile is an uncommitted super delegate, so how do you stick her with Obama? color?

  • underbear1

    Donnie McClurkin is ONLY a sad closeted gospel singer…so HOW did this NOTHING get elevated to selecting Judges?


    Scary and nasty Bear ^^
    “Donna Brazile is an uncommitted super delegate”-
    you really are delusional.

    Donnie McClurkin- is a fine example of Obamas many poor choices and his refusal to kick him out of his campaingn in South Carolina shows exactly how he would deal with homophobes in his presidential campaing and cabinet.

    As for the rest of “the League of sub-human a$$wipes” you know who the rest are. Add your name.:-)


  • underbear1

    “Donna Brazile is an uncommitted super delegate”-
    you really are delusional.

    PROVE Donna Brazile supports Obama…with documented links supporting your statements…or shut your G*D DAMN BREEDER trap.

  • underbear1


    “As for the rest of “the League of sub-human a$$wipes” you know who the rest are. Add your name.:-)”

    EVERY LGBT person knows the sub human a$$wipes I listed, and WE know who’s dangerous, and who’s not.
    I have no fear of other posters here not recognising me as queer, your statement “These people” on the Edwards thread gave you away as NOT being in my community.


    Scary and angry bear^^

    keep looking the other way and putting whatever
    grey matter you have left into being a mouth piece for Obama.
    As for eveyone else look those people up and you will see their stances and more importantly their behavior.
    “NOT being in my community.”- I know what community you are talking about. And there is nothing I could do about that.


  • underbear1

    “Donna Brazile is an uncommitted super delegate”-
    you really are delusional.

    PROVE Donna Brazile supports Obama…with documented links supporting your statements…or shut your G*D DAMN BREEDER trap.

  • underbear1

    No. 16 · CHURCHILL-Y
    Scary and angry bear^^

    You haven’t the LEAST clue about the depth of my anger, or much of a clue about anything don’t push your luck…I’m way out of your league.

  • Mr C


    WOOF Baby,
    Please pay Churchill no mind. She is a DUMB TWINK that if she saw you in person she probably would call the police.

    Pay her no mind. ggrrr…..

    James Meeks and the rest of them will have no say in anything if Obama won. With Churchill not realizing Hillary and the religious group “The Family” where she prays alongside Sen Sam Brownback a KNOWN HOMOHATER! Go Figure.

    This BITCH is so far up her ass with Hillary Clinton she’s about to go Ballistic.

    Calm down girl Kentucky is coming and she will win there. SO BREATHE Churchill It’s going to be okay until June 3!

    And girl your ANGER is minimal at best!


  • todd

    Warmonger McInsane is a nutjob. Now he can see the future? Too bad he can’t forget the past – hugging and kissing on Bush after he attacked his family and pissed on his war record. McSlimey-Insane will say anything to get elected.


    Typical angry bear^^ :-)

    After reading your posts I realized that you are probably incapable of finding out something for yourself-probably not your fault and so I decided to help a poor creature like you ,here you go:

    Glad to see you and latrine mouth Mr c are such
    good girlfriends, like the saying goes birds of a feather….Or perhaps you are the same life form,
    you both seem to lack any good manners.. then again its so typical amongst your type that maybe you aren’t the same person.
    Enjoy Hun!


  • Charley

    Big balls John. And in 2013 McCain will be 76 and announce the birth of his fifth child by Cindy.

Comments are closed.