Melania’s got a new gig, guys.
The former first lady can now be booked for wedding speeches, graduation ceremonies, baby showers, etc., etc. She’s also mailing out personalized birthday and condolence cards, as well as new baby and military retirement congratulations, and more.
This week, the Trumps launched a new website that allows anyone to invite them to special events and other public engagements. You can also request personalized messages from the couple, or simply extend your own thoughts and prayers.
The “About” section of 45office.com contains an 850-word synopsis of Trump’s time in office, highlighting his “greatest achievements” while making absolutely no mention of his countless scandals, corruption investigations, two impeachments, or the insurrection on the U.S. Capitol that bookended his presidency.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Meanwhile, over on the “Contact” page, people are given the option to send their thoughts to either Donald or Melania or both, as well as make a scheduling request or ask for a personalized greeting.
“Please allow up to 6 weeks for processing of your request,” the website reads. “Due to the volume of greeting requests President and Mrs. Trump receive, we will not provide status updates.”
If they handle requests anything like Trump handled building that stupid wall that never got built, people can probably expect to wait significantly longer than six weeks to hear back from the Florida couple.
In other Melania news, relationship expert and life coach John Kenny recently spoke with Express to try and decode her body language amid rumors she and Donald may be heading for divorce.
According to Kenny, Melania’s true feelings can be read “in her body language and behavior.”
“She may realize that she has chosen to be with someone that isn’t good for her, as her actions dictate, that even in public she finds it hard not to show her emotions,” he pontificates. “This comes out in her body language and behavior.”
Kenny also commented on a recent statement made by the former first lady’s office about the current state of her marriage, in which she accused the media of having an “unhealthy obsession” with her.
Mrs.Trump is no longer First Lady. She is a private citizen, mother, & wife. Sources in this article are not affiliated w her nor have insight into her thoughts or daily life. CNN’s FLOTUS Correspondent choosing to publish false gossip illustrates the media’s unhealthy obsession. https://t.co/Z61kDaESdY
— Office of Melania Trump (@OfficeofMelania) February 13, 2021
“Her comment about an unhealthy obsession about her relationship is likely because of the emphasis she is placing on it herself,” he says. “She might be defending her relationship, as now he is no longer president it is ok for her to speak out.”
“But maybe she is struggling with people highlighting her real emotions. The truth can be hard to face, especially if you are being constantly reminded of it.”
Graham Gremore is the Features Editor and a Staff Writer at Queerty. Follow him on Twitter @grahamgremore.
Cam
Just like Mark Cuban said.
If someone was really a billionaire they wouldn’t be doing cheap crap like Trump steaks and Trump water. Things must be really bad if he’s having to put Melania out on the stroll to squeeze out a few dollars.
AtlGuy67
Please stop covering this whore.
Heywood Jablowme
Some of those QAnon incels will “invite” her to events she wasn’t expecting. But hey, she needs the money…
tjay7
After Trump is locked up I want Malaria sentenced to weekly conjugal visits.
jcwaldeck2
Useless Eastern European Trash!
Fahd
Slovenia is not in Eastern Europe, but in any case your ignorant generalization is as bad as any racist or homophobic generalization, and should be MODERATED.
Cam
@Fahd
You’ll have to point me to the countries where Slovenians were enslaved, not allowed to vote, not allowed to marry or were jailed just for being Slovenian.
Just as bad? I’m sure many LGBTQ people would rather be called trash but not jailed and killed in their home countries. Not quite the same.
Fahd
With all the languages Melania has mastered, this communication gig is a natural for her.
Hdtex
Fahd, she barely speaks ONE language. How do you type with her sphincter in your mouth?
Fahd
@HDtex Do you not get sarcasm? You should take your vulgar comment back. What is wrong with people?
Den
The misunderstanding is not at all unexpected as you seem to defend her in your previous post. And though in central Europe, Slovenia was (as part of Yugoslavia) certainly allied philosophically and politically with the Eastern European soviet countries for a generation.
Sarcasm is not necessarily obvious in posts, thus the use of the “/s” symbol, and there are folks here who would post as you did in complete sincerity.
mailliw110
Not a very good joke if you have to explain it.
Hdtex
Considering her former “jobs” include low rent whoring, this is a step up.
scotty
all she has to do is make an “X.”
Evji108
She’s gotta sing for her supper again. Too old to go back to soft-core porn modeling.
missvamp
Right? She has no actual skills & magnets will pay through the nose for this stupid crap.
Essie
So, we’re talking about a former president and former first lady setting up a website to get people to invite them to speak at events for money. Can these people get more tacky? What happened to getting an agent to do all of this for you? That’s what EVERY former president that I can remember has done. The Obamas will probably earn well over $100M with their books, appearances and podcasts. The Clintons and Chelsea are both earning millions. I mean, Bill Clinton is writing best-selling novels. Has no one in the entertainment/publishing industry asked the Dumps to sign on with them? I’m shocked . . . really shocked. And, yes, Dumpty needs money. He is not now, nor has he ever been, a billionaire. He has built his “empire” on credit, which he never pays back and when they come for him he files bankruptcy. I wonder if enough of his idiot followers will pay to hear him or buy the junk he’s selling. I know they are all stupid but are they THAT stupid?
P.S.: Melania isn’t going anywhere. There is no place for her to go because there is no money. She can’t get her prenup money from him because he doesn’t have any. She’s staying right where she is, miserable or not. At least she has her son.
Den
“The Obamas will probably earn well over $100M with their books, appearances and podcasts. The Clintons and Chelsea are both earning millions.”
The Clintons and Obamas are articulate and intellectual and have valuable things to say.
Poor, dull Donald and Melania hold no appeal at all for those who would pay to hear lectures, can communicate nothing not based on their extreme self absorption, and have no appeal to the small (and shrinking) Republican intellectual community.
Evji108
Flump doesn’t have an agent because he would have to pay them a commission. That’s just how desperately cheap he is right now. His Hotels and golf courses are hemorrhaging money and the legal bills must be skyrocketing.
alex1435
This is an absolute joke ! No doubt there will be those ardent followers that will blow their money on these grifters, and their ridiculous thoughts.
stormydragon
Baby showers? Condolence cards? I’ve never heard of anything so stupid from a former 1st tramp/first lady! They have NO SHAME!!
Mr. Stadnick
Your husband is dead that makes you sad
People are married now (sigh)
Your wife was best
You have good prenup and now married.
Some samples of her heartfelt greetings available for you to buy.
HenryHawke
Here’s my five word message to the Trumps and their closest friends. “Go away! Far, far away!”
Boston495
So she gets paid to write cards now, but when she left the White House, she had employees write the “going away thank you” notes? I guess it proves that she doesn’t do anything unless she gets paid for it.
Winsocki
I thought reporting on Melania Trump now on Cameo App.
radiooutmike
Anything for a buck, I guess?!
Forget any written stuff, like she is going to personally handwrite small missives? She’ll have an assistant do it.