GOP Death Watch

Michele Bachmann is Nutty. Which is Why She’s a Serious GOP Presidential Candidate.

Rep. Michele Bachmann, whose biggest nightmare is being trapped in the ladies’ room by renegade lesbians, formally announced that she’s running for the Republican presidential nomination. In any other universe, a candidate who has hidden in the bushes at a gay rights rally to see if people were talking about her, claims to have been personally directed by God to introduce antigay marriage legislation, and locked George W. Bush in a death grip until he kissed her would be laughed off the political stage. Needless to say, in our present-day Republican universe, she’s a serious contender.

“We can win in 2012 and we will,” Bachmann said at her kickoff event in Waterloo, Iowa. “Our voice has been growing louder and stronger. And it is made up of Americans from all walks of life like a three-legged stool. It’s the peace through strength Republicans, and I’m one of them, it’s fiscal conservatives, and I’m one of them, and it’s social conservatives, and I’m one of them. It’s the Tea Party movement and I’m one of them.” (We never knew that Americans were a three-legged stool. Although, when we counted them up, Bachmann mentioned four legs for that particular three-legged stool.)

Bachmann’s announcement came just a day after she spoke out of both sides of her mouth about marriage equality. In an interview with Fox News’ Chris Wallace, Bachmann said that “under the 10th amendment, the states have the right to set the laws that they want to set,” including laws allowing gay marriage. But Bachmann also said it’s “best” if the law was subjected to a popular vote. And she also said that she would push for a Constitutional amendment to prohibit marriage equality, to deal with that pesky Constitutional amendment that allowed it in the first place. (This is the same interview where Chris Wallace asked Bachmann, “Are you a flake?” Who says there’s no serious journalism at Fox?)

Oh, and just in keeping with Bachmann’s unrivalled reputation for gaffes, she produced another for her first official day as a candidate. As Queerty reported, she hailed Waterloo, her home town, for also being the home of John Wayne. Turns out, that’s only two-thirds of a three-legged stool true. Waterloo was the home of John Wayne Gacy, the serial murderer known as the Killer Clown who strangled to death 33 teenaged boys and young men. As the GOP presidential race reminds us, he wasn’t the only clown to come from Waterloo.

Photo Credit: Gage Skidmore

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  • Roman

    Folks need to pay attention to the dangers of Bachmann. Her ambitions on promoting a theocracy are real and within the realm of possible. Her hostilities targeting the GLBT community are extreme and dangerous. Sure, she’s a flake but anything is possible when American’s go and vote.

  • hf2hvit

    She’s the Phyllis Schlafly of 2011 with the voice of Rocky J. Squirrel

  • Rainfish

    The last three presidents have reminded me recently of The Wizard of Oz.

    * Bill Clinton (the Tin Man, big smile but no heart)
    * George W. Bush (the Scarecrow — that’s a no brainer)
    * Barrack H. Obama (the cowardly lyin’)

    Hmmmm…so what’s next, President Michele Bachmann (the Wicked Witch of Waterloo)?

    Oh, and I agree with “Roman”, don’t underestimate her flying monkeys in the Teabagger Party.

    [Bachmann’s acceptance speech at the GOP convention next year might read…]
    “I’ll get you my pretties, and your little (anthony) wieners too!”

  • christopher di spirito

    Watching Michelle Bachmann is like watching a car crash in slow motion. You fight the urge to look away but you can’t bring yourself to turn your head. So you stare, knowing the awful reality is about to happen.

    She’s slowly but decisively on a crash and burn course.

    Her final nail in the political coffin will include some variation of, “life on earth began 6,000 years ago.” Which will lead to a reporter asking to confirm if she believes humans and dinosaurs co-existed. She will cite the Bible and her campaign will come to a fiery end.

  • Caliban

    To paraphrase Dan Savage, don’t tell ME how “not all Christians are like that,” tell it to the Religious Right. When it comes to Islam people always ask why liberal and progressive Muslims don’t speak out against the extremists in their religion. Pot, meet Kettle. If the rabid Christian homophobes dominate the conversation it’s because they’ve been allowed to in the absence of dissenting voices.

  • robert in NYC

    Her husband’s clinic for “christian people” (curing the gays) received $137,000 in big government medicaid benefits which she claimed didn’t benefit the business at all. What a total fraud and liar. Her husband feather’s his own next while turning their backs on the poor and people who really need help. Classic republicans! Who paid for the maintenance of those 23 foster kids I’d like to know. Don’t tell me she also received subsidies for them too.

    To digress, how are any of these republicans that include tea partybagger scum and civil libertarians running for the presidency going to cover almost 50 million uninsured people through private health insurance? Don’t tell me the taxpayers have to pay, we can’t have that now can we? Where will they find the money to pay for it, especially for those who can’t even afford to buy insurance? The Koch Brothers? Maybe the GOP will chip in and fund it personally out of the goodness of their hearts and their huge portfolios, since they claim to be for the people.

  • Joetx

    I wouldn’t dismiss Bachmann’s chances. Never underestimate the stupidity of the American people. Isn’t she in the lead for the GOP nomination? See!

  • Daez

    @Caliban: You are talking about a peace based religion that at its very core is live and let live. Why would anyone that ascribes to such a religious faith decide to go head to head in a war of negativity against someone else who claims to ascribe to the same faith. Dan Savage is more exploitative of the gay community than Bachman and uses it constantly to keep living out his 15 minutes of fame while doing absolutely nothing. We have gained more ground because people have wanted to separate themselves from people like Bachman than we ever have from the “gay rights movement.”

  • Daez

    @robert in NYC: I hate to break this to you, but

    There are plenty of jobs out there, most of them are relatively easy to get. The medical industry (especially nursing and nursing assistant positions) has had openings this entire time and the entry fees for a nursing assistant position is around $500 in education and a four week class.

    Such positions are often full time with decent pay and amazing benefits. Yet, do you see people getting off their asses to get such positions? No, they would rather sit on their ass and collect unemployment while buying their new iPhone or whatever the new gadget is simply because such positions require actual work.

  • Daez

    @Joetx: No, shes not even a serious contender for the GOP nomination. Sarah Palin has more support than Bachman. I think that Mitt Romney is currently in the lead.

  • Spike

    Can’t wait for MB to be the teapublican candidate and then watch all the angry bitter gays and lesbians who have their panties in a bunch over the Obama Administration come up with excuses for whom they are voting for and why.

    What fun that will be !!!!

  • Ted C.

    When she says “three-legged stool”, she’s referring to the Republican Party. Republicans have often observed that their party consists of three different groups who otherwise have nothing in common (war hawks, fiscal conservatives, and social conservatives). Some Republicans see this division as a weakness, because it leads to internal conflict over certain issues.

    By likening it to a three-legged stool, Bachmann is saying that this division is a strength. (A three-legged stool is considered a good stool because it’s always stable, unlike a typical four-legged stool.) Her target market (Republicans) would have instantly known what she meant.

    But yeah, then she throws in the Tea Party as a fourth leg…

  • Jeffree

    I just read the tea leaves at the bottom of my mug o’ chai, & they’re predicting Perry & Bachmann on the Republican ticket.

    Never argue with your chai. At least not in public!

  • AFruit4Thought

    @Daez: Have you ever met these people that won’t help themselves? I’m sure you and I both could spew anecdotal evidence from experiences that we have each had. Look at the numbers in this recession, though. There are not enough jobs per unemployed person. The amount of applicants for every available job has soared.

    As for nursing, not everyone has $500 to throw around. And unemployment and welfare? The social science research from the recession have shown an overwhelming majority of people who are unemployed are experiencing depression and anxiety. The US shames people who need government support and praises those who have a job. These people are actively searching for new positions but they are unavailable.

    The stereotypes of the “welfare queen” and “those” people just sitting and siphoning unemployment just aren’t supported by any reputable research source. It just makes people feel better to believe that everyone who has government support is lazy – that way people can selfishly hoard their money by fighting taxes and social programs without feeling guilty every time they see a homeless person on the street. It’s a defense mechanism that has no place in politics.

  • gregger

    @Daez: Nitwit Romney and and Michele “Bachfail” Bachmann are statistically tied he 23% she 22% with a 3% margin of error according to Today show and Rachel Maddow 6/29/11.

  • robert in NYC

    No. 14, ask a right winger if he or she lost their jobs, couldn’t find another for months on end, lost their homes, all their money, investments, health insurance how they would get access to health care without any assistance from friends, family and unemployment benefits? Oh, I suppose republicans decline unemployment and those of them who have no health insurance, emergency rooms, silly of me to bring it up. What about all those teaparty-bagger scum on medicare and social security? Why aren’t they refusing both? Why aren’t all of the GOP in the House refusing federally funded health insurance and other benefits they enjoy thanks to the taxpayers? Why did the Bachmann’s “christian people’s” business accept $137,000 from medicaid, you know, big government handouts that they don’t want the poor and low income people to receive?

    Instead, they throw in canards to avoid really answering truthfully.

  • Jaroslaw

    As a person working for the dept. of human services, there are a lot of people who would be considered ‘undeserving’ under any definition you care to come up with. This however, does not mean their children should be punished for the parents stupidity nor does it invalidate the presumably deserving majority. However, that is another discussion.

    I would point out that Medicaid often grossly underpays for services provided relative to actual cost so Michelle, however nutty, may be telling the truth when she says it didn’t help the business.

    With regard to her ‘constitutional amendment’ to ban same sex marriage, one – is this really the most pressing “problem” we have to deal with and (two) can an amendment stand, long term, that is in conflict with the main principles of the document, i.e. equality?

  • robert in NYC

    Jaroslaw, the thing is, she rails against medicare, medicaid, social security, wants to wipe them out. She’s against big government and cutting entitlements. She and her husband chose to accept government assistance. Why can’t you admit they’re hypocrites and frauds. has already disproved what she said on almost everything she says.

  • gregger

    @Ted C.: actually she’s just a stool, riding the system to waste management.

  • Jaroslaw

    Robert – If she is railing against entitlements, and wants them eliminated; then she is a fraud. Happy? I thought the gist of the comment was her husband took money “to get rich” off Medicaid. Hence, the comment I originally submitted would be logical.

  • Jaroslaw

    #22 Rob – what is up? I went to the link. I’m not a cheerleader for Michele Bachmann. I said she is a nut and a hypocrite. Even if I hadn’t, you’ve read enough of my posts to know where I stand. But let’s be accurate in our criticisms if we are going to fault her for being inaccurate. That is all I meant about the Medicaid post I made in #18. As to welfare inefficiencies and cheaters – that is a big part of what goes on in welfare. Crazy backwards policies too that both reward and punish inappropriately.

  • robert in NYC

    Jaroslaw, agreed. I merely posted the link as a useful tool when extremist views posed by Bachmann et al are taken as fact by a lot of people. I use it all the time to verify the truth of statements made by our representatives in government, including democrats. I’m a Green by the way.

  • tjr101

    @AFruit4Thought: Very well said! Daez sounds like those “fiscal conservatives” living in a bubble and not knowing what the hell they’re talking about.

  • Jeffree

    Bachmann & her husband got their home certifed as a “treatment” center rather than just as a foster home. Their getting cert’d to deal with “emotional issues*” bumped up the daily amount that the family received. So they weren’t just doing all that out of the goodness of their heart….

    *which means the family has to have training / expertise. Husband, of course is a psýchologist. Michelle, of course, has emotional issues.

  • Shannon1981

    I usually don’t hate people. But, good grief, I loathe this bitch. with a passion. She, Maggie, Brian, Bill O’Really? , Sean Insanity…all of them! I want them to disappear. The world would be a much better place.

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