Mike Jones Tells All!!

It’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for: the publication of activist hooker Mike Jonestell-all memoir, I Had to Say Something: The Art of Ted Haggard’s Fall.

The 240-page volume gets down and dirty on Jones’ first shameful encounters with the disgraced Evangelical leader, their three-year working relationship and Haggard’s inevitable, damned descent into sex, drugs and orgies…

Homo-journo John Ireland paraphrases:

After a year of monthly appointments, Haggard asked about crystal methamphetamines. Jones takes pains in the book to explain that he does not deal any type of drug. In a detailed passage that reads as if it has been cleared by an attorney, Jones describes the day Haggard showed up eagerly “waving a small packet of what I assumed was meth.”

Once meth became a regular part of Haggard’s appointments, he began to build his own collection of sex toys and videos, which he carried with him in a small black canvas bag. He would often begin the session with a dramatic reveal of his latest purchases and ask how to use them. Soon, he was asking Jones to arrange orgies.

No wonder James Dobson opted out of poor Teddy boy’s “successful” defagification.

The memoir – co-written with Sam Gallegos – isn’t all sinful filth. The reader also gets a look into Jones’ own evolution from flimsy skinny kid to hulking homo hooker. Although, it doesn’t sound like much of an evolution:

At 18 years old he was propositioned for sex almost immediately. His first “paid” experience yielded $200, and that quickly became his quote.

Talk about “holy fuck”! Jones went straight for it. He’s no corner working hussy. He’s a high class lady. Ireland continues:

He was randy, “ready to explore the world,” and was shocked that older men would pay him to do what he wanted to do anyway. He recalls bluntly, “My muscles seemed to be my biggest attraction. Until I took off my pants.”

Yep. Definitely a high class lady. And this book’s definitely next on our reading list – right after The Art of The Colonic.