Also, Gives Shitty Massages

Mikes Jones Not Interested In Sex

Mikes Jones just can’t shake that whole reformed hooker thing. No surprise, then, Willamette Week journo Byron Beck asked Jones, who took down former Evangelical demigod Ted Haggard, for a massage-cum-interview.

A real trooper, Jones agreed. He even took his shirt off for old time’s sake. Despite his strong man body, however, Jones insists broken boy. Beck recalls their intimate encounter:

As he pawed at my back, I felt he was trying to pick a scab. “I’m 50 years old and lost. I’d love to get massaged for a change instead of massaging everyone else. But, for the most part, sex bores me.” This from a man who continued to touch my ass every time I asked a hard question. “My body’s been my calling card, but it’s also been a curse because people just use you and throw you away when they’re done playing with you. There’s more to Mike Jones than just that part.”

Well, to be fair, you were selling your body. If they had tried to take your heart, you’d be dead. And then Ted Haggard never would have experienced true love.

So, how does Beck describe the massage? “It really sucked.” Another potential post-scandal career down the drain…