Mission Impossible: Picking Out The Gays In The New Year’s Eve Trailer

Behold, the trailer for New Year’s Eve, the latest from fillmaker Garry Marshall, the man behind 2010’s Valentine’s Day.

You remember Valentine’s Day, right? It was that star-studded holiday rom-com where Eric Dane and Bradley Cooper are revealed to be (zoinks!) homosexuals.  Ones who don’t kiss, apparently, even after Cooper comes home from a long business trip and a plane ride spent chatting with Julia Roberts. Cooper’s character, however, is a savvy, inventive lover and gently caresses Dane’s face with flowers. If you don’t devote 36 seconds of your life to this clip of them keeping a safe distance from one another, you’ll have missed the funniest, stupidest gay moment in movies in the past several years. (It even trumps the dipshit homo wedding from Sex and the City 2.)

Back to New Year’s Eve: It’s totally different from Valentine’s Day because it’s set in New York City instead of Los Angeles and it’s about a completely different romantic  holiday. It stars (deep breath) Ashton Kutcher, Robert De Niro, Josh Duhamel, Carla Gugino, Zac Efron, Abigail Breslin, Jessica Biel, Sofia Vergara, Alyssa Milano, Lea Michele, Michelle Pfeiffer, Hilary Swank, Sarah Jessica Parker, Halle Berry, Sara Paxton, Sienna Miller, Julie Andrews, John Lithgow, Frankie Muniz, Ice Cube, John Stamos, Ludacris, Jon Bon Jovi, Ryan Seacrest, Greg Kinnear, Seth Meyers, Marshall mainstay Hector Elizondo and serial rom-com offender Katherine Heigl. Whew!

Who will be the surprise gays in NYE—and will they be allowed to kiss at midnight? Or will there be some new item employed for a tender but chaste face rub? Oh, and can the movie be in 3D?

Find out the answers when the film hits theaters on December 9!