Mitt Romney Kicks Off Campaign To See If America Wants Elect Gray Temples

Bragging about his small business creds, Mormon king Mitt Romeny today declared he officially bought a ticket to America’s political sweepstakes, the winner of which will be announced more than a year from now by a woman holding balloons outside his front door. If only Mitt had decided to drop this boring bomb on us sooner, we could’ve had our first Republican presidential debate in May.