oh, great

Mystery Celebrity Scheduled to Come Out Next Week, as if That Makes Them Special or Something

Oh, stop the presses, everyone! You simply won’t believe the news: they’ve discovered a gay person working in showbiz!

According to The New York Post, which is always correct, some big celebrity is going to come out of the closet next week. (No, it’s not us. We checked.)

D Listed suggests it’s Anderson Cooper — do people still consider him in the closet? Or maybe Ryan Seacrest. Well, whoever it is, we’ll be yawning all through the hip hip hoorays.

Yes, yes, we know it’s very important for us to have visible role models, and for there to be attention on The Plight of the Gays, and for people to talk about how great being gay is. And the more out gay celebs we have, the better. But you’ll excuse us if we roll our eyes a bit when famous people finally work up the nerve to come out of the closet like they’ve just cured cancer.

Yes, well done, you told people you’re gay, just like millions of teenagers do all the time under much more hazardous circumstances. Gay teens risk being kicked out of the house with no money or family or resources to turn to, but you, a powerful rich person, are so terribly wonderfully admirably brave. Here’s a Nobel Prize. Toss it in your vault with your millions of dollars that don’t care.