Yep, those reports of Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka entering daddyland are true: “So, get this: David and I are expecting twins this fall,” NPH tweets. “We’re super excited/nervous/thrilled. Hoping the press can respect our privacy.” We can all have hopes, Neil! They’re using a surrogate, obvs, and the babies are due in October. Maybe one day Neil and David will tell the kids how they met their father.
Jamie
Congratulations to the Daddies!
That said, you know the rightwingnutsÂ⢠will go batshit crazy over this, so a piece of totally unsolicited advice: sell the photos to the Enquirer and use the money to educate the American people about what being a gay parent means. As in, we’re just like them.
pete
Good for them! And yes, I’m sure Bill O’Reilly et al will have plenty to say on the matter. Even though I never wanted to have children I think it’s great that so many gays and lesbians are going ahead and starting families.
alan brickman
why can’t everybody doing surrogacy just adopt?….designer babies are so shallow….
Queer Supremacist
@Jamie: No we’re not. We’re better than them.
I’m sure they will make wonderful fathers.
Mich
Boring, like every other pregnant celebrity and rich celebrity hires surrogate momma story.
Dawson
AWE-some! NPH seems like a really great guy and should make a great father. The press will be all over the, “Who is the bio daddy?” angle.
Sam
Gag – so tired of actors hawking their personal lives – why do we care if they have kids. Bad enough when the straight actors did it, now we have B List gay actros doing it – sad.
Chris Robin
@Sam
A tweet isn’t exactly hawking.
D'oh, The Magnificent
@alan brickman: I agree to some extent with you. I am planning to adopt. But, at the same time, this is a deeply personal issue so I am not going to judge regarding the choice that they made. Not everyone is equipped for adoption.
There are a lot of legal hurdles with adoptions that may not be present with surrogates. Remember, in some states, they don’t even allow adoptions or make it difficult to adopt.
Likewise, there are pit falls of surrogates such as background of the mother or donor.
The point is – this isn’t an easy choice if one is considering the options. None of this is easy. Here are two interesting links
http://gaylife.about.com/od/gayparentingadoption/a/gayparent.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_adoption
D'oh, The Magnificent
@Sam: I believe this was a pre-emptive move like he did when he came out as a I remember.
Dan
Congrats to them.
“Hoping the press respects our privacy” is Hollywood-speak for “Don’t take a picture of our kids because we want to be the first to sell the pictures for lots of money to the tabloids.”
Having kids in celebrity Hollywood is now a way to not only make money, but also to keep your picture in the press when you are out with your kids (open People magazine these days if you have any doubt).
For gay celebs it is also a way to seem more acceptable to the heteros.
Alexander
Good for them! I wish them all the best, I just hope NPH keeps working, he’s a treat to watch.
(That being said, I’d call NPH or DB “daddy” any day of the week ;))
Straight Male
Most homosexuals are pedophiles, they shouldn’t be allowed to do this.
Jake the libertarian
@alan brickman: Why can’t self righteous bitches just let people live their own lives without having to be “globally correct” all the fucking time? Gays use surrogates for the same reason straight people have kids and don’t adopt… they want their own kids.
james_from_the_great_city_of_cambridge
@Straight Male: Shut up, Jason! Attention seeking whore. You’ve been exposed…give it up you fucking cunt!
D'oh, The Magnificent
@Jake the libertarian: The questions is whether we should understand better than straights what a) family means outside of biology considering our own experiences and b) whether we want to better than straights considering we understand what it means to be mistreated by society like an adopt kid would also have been subjected to by not having parents (in other words we understand better what the kids are going through). Those are my reasons at least for wanting to adopt outside of wanting to have kids as a parent.
Straight Male
@james_from_the_great_city_of_cambridge: No clue who Jason in. I just came across this site today.
Jake the libertarian
@D’oh, The Magnificent: My point is just that this “we” you refer to is a pretty diverse group… “we” are lesbians, gays, trans, bi, conservative, liberal, white, black, rich, and poor. NPH and his huband? (not sure what the right term is) should be able to have kids however is possible for them and in whatever way makes their family complete. Whiny little homos like the guy above annoy me because they poo poo a wonderful thing.
It’s like all the environmentalists who are pissed at the Prius drivers because it has a big battery… i mean seriously… there is just no winning with these fuckers.
Jake the libertarian
@Straight Male: Why are you on a gay site then? You just like to troll or do you think you like boys? Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.
D'oh, The Magnificent
@Jake the libertarian: Except a lot of wealthy gay men do seem to be choosing surrogacy over adoption, AND that diversity line you just spouted is often used only whenever someone calls the wealthy gay whites on their behavior.You certainly are not talking about people of color and low income gays with that statement. So hooka please. Spread that shit on someone else. Rather than lashing out as someone with your screen name tends to do in situations like this against any and every group that mentions something they don’t like about you, just realize not everyone has to agrees with your choices. That’s life. You get to do what you want. We get to say whether we like that or not.
Jake the libertarian
@D’oh, The Magnificent: I agree. And I get to call people who whine about shit like that shallow little whiny cunts and spend their lives getting pissed at people who they perceive have easier lives than them…
BTW, adoption is not a cheap alternative… especially if you’re gay. Actually if you have a friend who is willing to do it, surrogacy cheaper.
Straight Male
@Jake the libertarian: It’s a free country right ? I am free to express my views anywhere. I found this site through a link on Google, wasn’t specifically looking for a gay site.
Jake the libertarian
@Straight Male: Whatever you have to tell yourself… BTW, its not gay if you don’t cum… just keep telling yourself that.
Straight Male
@Jake the libertarian: Typical ad hominem by a gay male who can’t respond to facts.
Jake the libertarian
@Straight Male: Got me. You win! Now suck my cock đ
Straight Male
@Jake the libertarian: Sorry fag, dicks are for chicks.
Jake the libertarian
@Straight Male: lol… not mine :D:D
D'oh, The Magnificent
@Jake the libertarian: If you bothered to read my other post (which apparently in your zeal to look like an idiot you didn’t) you would note that I said that the issue is complicated. You get the right to whine as mucha s you want so long as we are both clear that’s what you are doing. And It’s not perceived regarding easier lives. This is again, one of those childish things, people with money say. There are quantitative and qualitative differences on the types of lives people can live. Only someone truly delusional and not living in the real world would ever pretend there aren’t improvements with the ability to live one’s life when one has money. Again, given your screen name, delusional is also par for the course.
Dan
Chicks are for farms.
Jake the libertarian
@D’oh, The Magnificent: Hey, my only point was that bitchy little super socially conscious fuckers like you are annoying. Frankly I’m feeling rather vindicated about now.
As for the “he has money, therefore I have some sort of worldly blue collar wisdom that he doesn’t” attitude, that crap just doesn’t fly with me. It sounds like petty jealousy.
If you want to agree with your friend up there and shit on two people in love who chose to have a child together in a way you wouldn’t have chosen, have at it. But I am not the asshole for calling you out on it.
Bill Perdue
QSkinhshead should not be commenting.
“”Author: Queer Supremacist
Comment:
Bill Perdue: I didn’t know Nazi Quislings were a race. But just keep wishing for your anti-semitic (sic, sick) fantasies to come true, and maybe someday they’ll happen.
Jadis, ron, L. Fuck Anyone who supports Palestinazis or Muslims is a racist, a Nazi, and, if they are Jewish and/or gay, an Uncle Tom. If you are pro-KKK, you cannot claim not to be racist. If you are pro Nazi or pro-Palestinazi (same fucking difference), you cannot claim not to be anti-semitic (sic, sick). If you are pro-Christian or pro-Muslim, you cannot claim not to be homophobic.
Christianity, Islam and Heterosexuality are the real Axis of Evil. And unless you are actively working to stop the Christo-Islamic Breeder menace, you are enablers.
No. 10 ⢠Queer Supremacist
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
There are no “Palestinians”. You’re nothing but an Arabist pig defending filthy genocidal homophobic Muslim camel fuckers, while perseverating (sic) (sick) discredited Stalinist tropes like a severely autistic parrot…
Take your pro-Muslim blood libel elsewhere or I will report your IP address to the FBI for treasonous activity.
The land of Israel belongs to the Jews, including the parts illegally occupied by goyische breeder terrorists. They have more of a right to exist than the United States…
(I consider all heterosexual sex acts rape)…
The only thing keeping Obama from becoming a dictator are the constitutional separation of powers…
On the other hand, Israel’s founding, in a location where there was a Jewish state before the convicted thief Jesus and the child rapist Muhammad were even born, was to protect Jews from further hate crimes from heretic goyim (all gentile religions are heretic… Israel needs … to do whatever it takes to protect innocent people from being brutally murdered by terrorist scum who worship convicted felons like Jesus and child molesters like Muhammad.
And the first equivocation of Zionism (that’s with a capital Z, for the rest of you Pan-Arabist scum) with racism by the United Nazis, I mean the United Nations…
Uganda has no right to sovereignty. Iran has no right to sovereignty. Iraq has no right to sovereignty. Afghanistan has no right to sovereignty. Jamaica has no right to sovereignty. Saudi Arabia has no right to sovereignty. Zimbabwe has no right to sovereignty. The Vatican has no right to sovereignty…. China has no right to sovereignty…
If the majority of the gays turn against Jews I will become celibate and actively homophobic.
2 for 10 against ” Posted: Jul 30, 2010 at 12:49 pm ⢠@Reply ⢠[Flag?]
To which other people replied: ”
No. 11 ⢠Bill Perdue
@Queer Supremacist: Who let you out of your sty, racist.
8 for 0 against
Posted: Jul 30, 2010 at 4:15 pm ⢠@Reply ⢠[Flag?]
No. 12 ⢠Jadis
@Queer Supremacist: You are everything that’s wrong with the world.
6 for 0 against
Posted: Jul 31, 2010 at 10:37 am ⢠@Reply ⢠[Flag?]
No. 13 ⢠ron
@Queer Supremacist: Holy shit! You must be as exhausted from that tirade as I am from reading it! You, sir, are full of shitâŚâŚ
6 for 1 against
Posted: Jul 31, 2010 at 10:46 am ⢠@Reply ⢠[Flag?]
No. 14 ⢠L.
@Queer Supremacist: You’re not getting paid by the word, I hope.
3 for 1 against
Posted: Jul 31, 2010 at 6:35 pm ⢠@Reply ⢠[Flag?]
No. 15 ⢠Queer Supremacist
By the way, your ad hominem attacks have done nothing to disprove everything I said.
Yes, I am a proud bigot. I am bigoted against the enemies of the Jews. I am bigoted against the enemies of the gay community. I am bigoted against people who hate me and want me dead for a “being crime.” I am bigoted against land robbers and genocidal maniacs. I am bigoted against people who worship thieves and child molesters.
Queerty is the Gay Stormfront. Heil Hitler and Heil Muhammad.
0 for 5 against”
Kyle412
If NPH wants the press to respect his privacy then why in the world did he twitter that he and his partner are expecting twins? Since he hired a surrogate I doubt she is going to be beside him on the red carpet. Nobody would have even known he was getting the twins until after they were home. Idiot.
David Ehrenstein
I expect this means they’ll get married next week.
Love’em both to teeny little bits.
Geoff
NPH isn’t getting any new acting jobs other than singing show tunes on glee or hosting award show so it has come to this.He should have been smart and kept his personal life personal.He’s so over rated anyway.He’ll jst fade to ensemble roles like other out actors.
I just don't know. . .
Congrats to Neil and David. That being said, and believe me I don’t want to start a fight, it kind of bothers me when, in the future, the child(ren) of donor eggs/sperm may want to meet their biological/surrogate parent(s). Isn’t it all confidential? We saw what happened in the past when adoption records were sealed shut – a lot of pain, heartache and unanswered questions such as medical issues and existing half-siblings. Is it fair to do the same to children born from donors and surrogates? Although a surrogate is currently considered to be just an incubator, future science may discover otherwise. It also brings the possibility of half-siblings unknowingly having sex/reproducing with each other, eighteen years (or less!) down the line. The baby donor/surrogacy thing sounds great now; the social and biological implications in the future may prove it differently.
D'oh, The Magnificent
@Jake the libertarian: If by vindication, you mean ignoring the various things I said, coming up with your own generalized view on people and then repeating that you are somehow right to do so- then yes, you are “vindicated.” Either that or more likely an asshole.
D'oh, The Magnificent
@Kyle412: The story was already out in the press, and gaining some steam on the gossip blogs. this was a pre-emptive move to ask people to stop intruding. It makes sense. SOmetimes the best defensive against press behavior is the offense.
D'oh, The Magnificent
@David Ehrenstein: Depends on the court ruling.
I should point out that I am happy whenever people become parents so this is good for them, and I wish them happiness.
D'oh, The Magnificent
@Geoff: He has several upcoming gigs so you have no idea what you are talking about. He has both a Harold and Kumar movie and the Smurf movie. He also is still on the show How I Met Your Mother. If that’s not working, then I think many actors would love to know your definition of it.
D'oh, The Magnificent
By the way, he’s also co-starring in a movie called Beastly that is set to be released next year.
Hannah
@Kyle412: E! was reporting the baby news before the twitter. The press vultures were lurking and I think Neil wanted them to back off without them harassing him for answers. It is the same reason some celebrities release baby photos on twitter or on personal websites. They are trying to reduce the amount of paparazzi harassing them as they walk down the street. It decreases the market value if the pictures or the scoop is not exclusive.
Jake the libertarian
@D’oh, The Magnificent: They aren’t mutually exclusive. I could be both… BTW, I read your posts. Most of what you said I didn’t think required a response. It was the same “wealthy white people are evil” crap I’ve heard my whole life.
Understand that the world fucking hates us. While some people are coming around, if it were up to most people in this country, you and I would swing right next to each other. Wealthy or not, I celebrate people expanding their family. I am glad when people find love and live their lives they way they see fit. I don’t judge the way people love or live… apparently you do. They have to do it your way. They have to adopt a kid as opposed to use a surrogate. They have to teach it to be an atheist rather than take it to church. It all has to be your way or they are wrong in your eyes. It’s annoying. It’s judgmental. It’s closed minded.
I assure you of one thing, if I ever have the opportunity to have a kid, I am going to do it however I see fit. The current politically correct method wont even be considered.
Swellster
@Geoff: Does it cause you pain to be so stupid? do you have to think about breathing all the time?
D'oh, The Magnificent
@Jake the libertarian: I stopped reading your post. Here’s the deal- you are just some idiot on line trying to pick a fight because yu don’t like that others take different views than you do. I am not interested in debating someone who selectively reads what I write, and then comments on the parts they don’t like when my actual thinking is more complicated than they credit me for doing. That means you are essentially not really interested in discusisng what I think so much as whining because I don’t think exactly like you. We are done.
Jake the libertarian
@D’oh, The Magnificent: I’m sorry I didn’t give you credit for your ever so complicated line of thinking. You are indeed an special flower and there are none like you at all.
I am the tolerant one here, not you. The only point I have made in the entire thread is that its annoying when self righteous asses like you blither on about how others live their lives. Now we are done.
Molly
They’re such a gorgeous couple, and I’m sure they’ll be fantastic fathers. Congrats, NPH.
rrr
@I just don’t know. . .: I watched the CNN special about a gay couple going through this process. None of it was confidential between the couple and the other parties. The egg donor didn’t want her name given when she appeared on the special, but the couple knew her information and had met her. Of course the couple also knew the surrogate and were in contact with her during the pregnancy.
We already know how babies are made. The surrogate does not contribute genetically to the baby.
Blake J
It is bad enough seeing all the negative comments on the websites that target straight visitors, but it is just unbelievable how many negative comments are on this site!
Of course they are not the same kind of negative comments, but it is (possibly) worse reading them here!
D'oh, The Magnificent
@Blake J: You think this site targets straight visitors? LOL.
Blake J
@D’oh, The Magnificent: Where did I say that? I was talking about eonline, etcetera. Learn to read before you respond.
RR
“The surrogate does not contribute genetically to the baby.”
Not true.
In most cases surrogate is also the biological mother, that procedure is simpler and costs less.
iDavid
NICE!!! Congrats!!!
axos
Hail to gay marriage, hail to gay parenthood, and hail to gay adoptions.
But, as a person who was lied to about my parents and suffered a great deal from it my entire life – a person’s birth mother can never be viewed at as just “the surrogate”. That’s degrading to both her and the child whose genes came from her, who is half her. Choose a mother who can stay in the child’s life (what’s wrong with three parents? Or four?)
The ones who raise and love you are your actual parents, there is no getting around that. But everyone has the right to know their biological origins, who they resemble in this way and that, who they (partly) ARE. It’s more important than you would think. Because of my history, I’ve been standing in front of the mirror so many times after I forced the truth out of someone, wondering who I am – and the one who could tell me is long dead.
Don’t muddle the waters. Get children, love them and cherish them, but don’t put as much distance as you can between your child and his/her biological other parent. The child does not only need the truth, they need to meet the person.
GaryG
@Blake J: Amen
Jeffree
There’s a rift in the “adoption” blogs about surrogacy and foreign adoption. I’ve taken a neutral stance, for the most part, because each potential parent/couple needs to make their own decision. Wealthy people obviously have more options than people less well off.
That said, I wish NPH and DB well & I personally hope the birth mom gets some role in the childrens’ lives,
@Axos :Interesting & sad story from you. I can partiially relate: I am adopted. That means that I do not know my actual birthdate nor which ethnicities I am — other than some genetic testing I had for a study on people diagnosed with “fetal alcohol syndrome” where I coaxed the doctor into telling me that I am at least part Alaskan (Aleutian)or indigenous Canadian “First People”.
There are so many that don’t get adopted from the “orphanages”. The ones who don’t almost invariably don’t do well: drugs, prison etc. I hope to adopt once I finish school, and settle down with my hunka Swiss cheese, but I won’t rule out surrogacy until we have several long conversations.
axos
@Jeffree: I symphatize with you. I think you have the right to find out more, and if you should set out to do so, I wish you the best of luck and hope you succeed.
People who do know both their parents and other biological family members, take the importance of this far to lightly. Many children, now grownups, who were born from insemination, did put a lot of time and effort into finding out who the sperm donors were and finding half siblings. So before you donate sperm, and before you create a new person on this planet: Please think it through thoroughly.
Syl
Aww, those kids are gonna have the greatest dads! I’m happy for Dougie and his partner!
KTP
Sad to see NPH slip into the publicity whore business.Guess that’s what happens…
Midge
Smurf and Komar, and an aging @D’oh, The Magnificent: I think your post says it all – he needs a new agent! Smurf, H&K, an aging ensemble series.
Black Pegasus
I’m not a Fan of Neil P Harris so I could care less.
You’ll may proceed to down rate me..
Meh…..
rrr
[quote] In most cases surrogate is also the biological mother, that procedure is simpler and costs less.
The message I was replying to identified the scenario as two women involved, egg donor and surrogate, and speculated medical science may find that the surrogate in that situation may be more than an incubator.
It is smarter from a legal stand point to have the egg provided by a different woman than the one who carries the kid. If it is the same woman who does both it will be ugly if she decides she doesn’t want to give over the baby after all for the couple to raise, whereas if the egg and womb are provided by different women the legal arrangements are easy so neither woman will have any legal claim on the resulting baby.
Bill Perdue
QSkinhshead should not be commenting.
“”Author: Queer Supremacist
Comment:
Bill Perdue: I didn’t know Nazi Quislings were a race. But just keep wishing for your anti-semitic (sic, sick) fantasies to come true, and maybe someday they’ll happen.
Jadis, ron, L. Fuck Anyone who supports Palestinazis or Muslims is a racist, a Nazi, and, if they are Jewish and/or gay, an Uncle Tom. If you are pro-KKK, you cannot claim not to be racist. If you are pro Nazi or pro-Palestinazi (same fucking difference), you cannot claim not to be anti-semitic (sic, sick). If you are pro-Christian or pro-Muslim, you cannot claim not to be homophobic.
Christianity, Islam and Heterosexuality are the real Axis of Evil. And unless you are actively working to stop the Christo-Islamic Breeder menace, you are enablers.
No. 10 ⢠Queer Supremacist
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
There are no “Palestinians”. You’re nothing but an Arabist pig defending filthy genocidal homophobic Muslim camel fuckers, while perseverating (sic) (sick) discredited Stalinist tropes like a severely autistic parrotâŚ
Take your pro-Muslim blood libel elsewhere or I will report your IP address to the FBI for treasonous activity.
The land of Israel belongs to the Jews, including the parts illegally occupied by goyische breeder terrorists. They have more of a right to exist than the United StatesâŚ
(I consider all heterosexual sex acts rape)âŚ
The only thing keeping Obama from becoming a dictator are the constitutional separation of powersâŚ
On the other hand, Israel’s founding, in a location where there was a Jewish state before the convicted thief Jesus and the child rapist Muhammad were even born, was to protect Jews from further hate crimes from heretic goyim (all gentile religions are heretic⌠Israel needs ⌠to do whatever it takes to protect innocent people from being brutally murdered by terrorist scum who worship convicted felons like Jesus and child molesters like Muhammad.
And the first equivocation of Zionism (that’s with a capital Z, for the rest of you Pan-Arabist scum) with racism by the United Nazis, I mean the United NationsâŚ
Uganda has no right to sovereignty. Iran has no right to sovereignty. Iraq has no right to sovereignty. Afghanistan has no right to sovereignty. Jamaica has no right to sovereignty. Saudi Arabia has no right to sovereignty. Zimbabwe has no right to sovereignty. The Vatican has no right to sovereigntyâŚ. China has no right to sovereigntyâŚ
If the majority of the gays turn against Jews I will become celibate and actively homophobic.
2 for 10 against ” Posted: Jul 30, 2010 at 12:49 pm ⢠@Reply ⢠[Flag?]
To which other people replied: ”
No. 11 ⢠Bill Perdue
@Queer Supremacist: Who let you out of your sty, racist.
8 for 0 against
Posted: Jul 30, 2010 at 4:15 pm ⢠@Reply ⢠[Flag?]
No. 12 ⢠Jadis
@Queer Supremacist: You are everything that’s wrong with the world.
6 for 0 against
Posted: Jul 31, 2010 at 10:37 am ⢠@Reply ⢠[Flag?]
No. 13 ⢠ron
@Queer Supremacist: Holy shit! You must be as exhausted from that tirade as I am from reading it! You, sir, are full of shitâŚâŚ
6 for 1 against
Posted: Jul 31, 2010 at 10:46 am ⢠@Reply ⢠[Flag?]
No. 14 ⢠L.
@Queer Supremacist: You’re not getting paid by the word, I hope.
3 for 1 against
Posted: Jul 31, 2010 at 6:35 pm ⢠@Reply ⢠[Flag?]
No. 15 ⢠Queer Supremacist
By the way, your ad hominem attacks have done nothing to disprove everything I said.
Yes, I am a proud bigot. I am bigoted against the enemies of the Jews. I am bigoted against the enemies of the gay community. I am bigoted against people who hate me and want me dead for a “being crime.” I am bigoted against land robbers and genocidal maniacs. I am bigoted against people who worship thieves and child molesters.
Queerty is the Gay Stormfront. Heil Hitler and Heil Muhammad.
0 for 5 against”
axos
@rrr:
“Hey, kid. We decided to have an egg from one woman and use the uterus of another, so that your Mom wouldn’t want you.”
D'oh, The Magnificent
@Midge: No matter what my post said, you would have posted the same comment.
D'oh, The Magnificent
@Jeffree: You will now be attacked for pointing out the debate over surogacy versus adoption is not new .
Daez
@Straight Male: I would attempt to educate your dumb ass, but truth is nothing I say matters. Maybe you should do some research of your own instead of being part of the hater crowd that just hates everything indiscriminately without having any facts or even a clue.
rrr
@axos: It’s going to be more trauma for a kid to be the focus of a custody battle than to find out two women were involved in his/her birth to help keep things more peaceable and guarantee that his/her loving parents would be able to keep him/her.
It is a matter of legal rights, not of the women not wanting the baby. The women may still form attachments but they will not be able to go back on the contractual arrangements and fight over custody the way one could if there is only one woman involved. That said, separating the DNA from the carrier is a way to relieve women of some of the emotional trauma which is good for everyone involved and not the same as a woman being indifferent or uncaring about the child.
Attachment is an issue in adoption too. Sometimes a couple puts a lot of emotional, financial and time investment into an arranged baby adoption from a pregnant women then after birth she decides she doesn’t want to give up the baby and that’s that. However, with adoption that will be crushing for the couple but they can and must just move on unlike the surrogacy situation which will be an ongoing complicated nightmare if there is custody issues with the woman who gave birth.
Jeffree
@Axos: thanks for your kind words. I don’t fully understand your situation, but I hope you get whatever info you need. Genetic testing is both very expensive and not terribly valid, statistically, but I hope to have it done one day.
The things from the unsealed records I know is that I was apparently well-fed, and in “no obvious withdrawal” from drugs or alcohol. I know nothing about my birth-father — no one does. I give great credit to her for realizing she couldn ‘t raise me and making sure I would be found. Things could have gone far worse.
My parents adopted 5 kids, including me. My youngest sister was an intrafamilal adoption, meaning that her birth mom is a cousin of mine who due to various reasons wasn’t able to raise her. Nothing has been kept secret from my sister but her mom is incarcerated and is basically unwilling to see her. That breaks my heart.
Needless to say, all of us who were raised by people other than our parents have lots of questions. Most of those questions will stay unanswered.
I hope that you get whatever info is available about you and can find some peace, too.
Be well.
axos
@Jeffree: Thank you! I’m glad you have siblings, that must be a great help to feel grounded, especially since they too are adopted.
For myself, I now have all info – very belated. I grew up (only child) with my mother and a “father”, and always felt something was wrong. He also disinherited me in favor of my “half sister” without explanation. (Nice.) After threatening to use DNA test, I finally got my mother to tell the truth (which my “father” knew, they married anyway). So suddenly I had several siblings and many first cousins – but it’s too late, the gap cannot be bridged. For most of them, I’m not wanted, they only met me once to see what I was like. I had hopes to obtain a family, but I didn’t.
Still, I don’t regret finding out the truth. I love my “other” relatives, but finally I found those who looked like me and chose professions similar to mine. The biological father is dead, and at the end of the day, the half-loving father who disinherited me, the one who never got me, is still my father.
@rrr: I wrote my harsh comment to translate your post into what it looks like from the child’s point of view. Because under your logical reasoning, which I understand, those are the physical facts. The fact that men cannot give birth has always struck me as unfair, and the fact that gay couples can’t have biological together is also unfair by nature. You just have to make the best choices in the situation, and the perspective of the children is the most important one.
Jeffree
@Axos: Well, you made me weepy eyed there with your story, but thanks for your honesty.
The sad fact of adulthood is that there’s no real way to compensate for what we missed out on or didn’t have early on. How you were treated by your “family” was of course very wrong,
You didn’t ask for advice, so please skip this next part if you don ‘t want it.
I have been part of –and now lead– a “support group” –an expression I’m not fond of– for adoptees. I’m still not sure, but I think we need to come to some assumption that our bio-parents did the best they knew how to do, even if they didn ‘t do well at all.
Logically, I would like to extend that same assumption to your siblings, but I know that’s a stretch.
If and when you become a parent, as I hope to do sometime, all this “stuff” will I believe make you a very good dad. But in the meanwhile, yes, what you’ve gone thru hurts. Just realize that nothing you did —or didn’t do— would have altered the outcome. I’m quite certain you’ll rise above all that.
Jeffree
axos
Thank you Jeffree, you’re warming my heart – and boy did I need that! Now I am all teary-eyed. You sound like a great, empathetic and sensible guy who will make a great Dad one day.
I am a parent. I’m much older than you, but you got it right: being an adult doesn’t mean you can change what happened in the past or even yourself, but what you CAN do is decide how to deal with yourself and your life. That’s what growing up is about, and though you are so young (as I perceive it), you already know that.
I think you are right about bio parents, especially mothers – most of the time, they do adopt away their child very reluctantly and never forget. I think your adoptive parents are very proud of you, and I am certain your bio parents would be too. All the best to you now and in the future!
Blaine Ward
@Straight Male: I don’t know where you get your “facts” from but statistics clearly show that at least 80% of molestation cases against children are committed by heterosexuals.
L.
@Blaine Ward: I would have thought the figure was even higher. But, yes, some people don’t seem to let real facts get into the way of their irrational hatreds.
Scotty
I don’t get why stars feel compelled to share details of their lives with us other than to be self promoting – disappointed in NPH on this.Actors should do their jobs and act, keep their personal lives personal,gay or straight.If they kept their private lives private,we would not have the blatant discrimination of gay actors – they would all just be actors, gay or straight playing roles gay or straight.
Jeffree
@Scotty: #74: Simple answer: the actors, be in Jennifer A or NPH/DB are stalked by the paparazzi & tabloids. If the “stars” release that info on their own, the gossip factor is reduced, and the market value of the photos declines. There’s no way that the actor/musician can just say nothing. I’m not sure why you’re so upset over this.
I’ll add that for many LGBs, having a “role model” become a parent is a huge boost.
Many of us want to be parents, whether through adoption or surrogacy. When a famous LGB person becomes a parent, it’s news. One day, I hope it won’t be so newsworthy.
@Axos. Thanks. I’m sure you’re a great parent. I apologize if I assumed anything wrong about your gender/ age/ sexual orientation.
I had to look this up online but my age is the one before “tjugo sju” but don’t tell anyone! Lol. I’m pretty old to still be in college but I only attend part time. Only one semester (term) left to go –and then onto grad school which I will be able to attend full time.
axos
Jeffree – not need to apologize! Let’s just say I’m a little older than tjugosju. đ I am so relieved you are a grownup. For a bit there, I was a little worried you might be femton since you were talking about “school”.
Wonder if Ellen and Portia will become parents?
Kim
I read this story on Eonline.com hrs before NPH tweeted.Eonline claim they are due in Oct so they kept it a secret for 8 months.I’m glad the National Enquirer didn’t out the secret like they did w/ SJP twins with pics of the sorrugate
Jack E. Jett
@Straight Male: Dude, the only way you can find the site through Google is if you looking for a gay site. Don’t take it in a offensive way. You ARE gay and searching. Searching for someone who has the same equipment that you have. You love Dick and Dick loves you. May the Dick bless you and keep you.
Jeffree
I’m still not understanding the negativity here on line. Two kids who are very much wanted will be born and raised by loving parents. That is something to celebrate, not to deride!
@Axos: I had to look up “femton” on line because if I didn’t know you I could easily have assumed it was an an insult (think about the first 3 letters pronounced in English!)
!Lol. I googled the word & I know now what number you mean. The site I picked also teaches names of things found in the home, & barn-yard animals. Har du en hund? that was all I learned! Not very useful, eh what?
My first language was Italian due to my first foster-care family. My better half is Swiss and speaks French, Italian & German. I speak Italian and French fluently, but no German at all. In linguistics we call this “code-switching” but the pair of us speak French mostly, then English, and some Italian.
I’m very tired, at work so I shall close now
axos
@Jeffree: Oh, sorry! I didn’t know fifteen in Swedish could be an insult in English. But “Har du en hund” – very good! Literally it means Have you a dog, because we don’t use “do” the way you do in English.
I’m in awe of all your linguistic skills. TrĂŠs bien! (Or should it be très?)
axos
@Jack E. Jett: Without getting involved in your argument â I don’t think that’s true. Anyone, gay or straight, can google any number of words, names and subject matters and end up here. For instance “Dr Laura and the n-word”, or “Ellen quits American Idol” or “Jake Gyllenhaal” (note the Swedish name). It’s not like there is a fence around this site and you have to show your credentials to enter.