having the talk

Neil Patrick Harris Did Not Take Any Lesbian Parenting Advice From Sara Gilbert

It seems Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka asked every famous celebrity parent for advice on raising kids, whether it’s The Talk‘s Sara Gilbert or How I Met Your Mother co-star Alyson Hannigan. But the best part of Neil stopping by the CBS daytime talk show — dedicated to kids and parenting — is that the actor being the most famous gay parent (next to Ricky Martin?) was barely part of the conversation.

Speaking publicly for the first, or at least for most amount of time, Neil says his role is mostly as caretaker for he and David’s six-week-old twins — and that instant connection everyone said he’d feel was … lacking. “Everyone said, ‘When you see them, you’re going to look into their eyes, and you’ll never feel love burst forth like you feel …,’ and I’m like, ‘Not so much.’”

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  • SpiffyShindigs

    Neil was on Craig Ferguson a while back and at the end he was showing off “silly bandz” saying why he loved each (bunny cuz he’s a magician, etc) he ended with a rooster “because [he] loves..” and then Craig cut him off (in a joking way).

    That struck me as “Oh yeah. Gay celebrities don’t just have the label of ‘gay’, they really are just as gay as the rest of us.” Made me appreciate gay celebrities so much more.

    You go Neil, you’re totally awesome.

  • Greg

    Sorry Neil. That’s what happens when you have kids just because the other popular gays do it.

  • Daez

    @Greg: I tend to have to agree. These aren’t fashion items we are talking about. These aren’t dogs that you can “donate” to a shelter in a couple years. Its almost cruel that the new gay accessory is a bouncing baby.

    Leave the baby having to the lesbians. Gay men having children through insemination is nothing more than a desperate way to conform to the preset heterosexual culture. If you are that set on conforming you might as well marry a chick, have kids and be done with it.

    I do support gay adoption based on the fact that these are children that need homes and any will do.

  • merkin


    Wow, its like you know Neil personally or have ever had a conversation with him about why he had kids! You guys are pathetic–making broad judgments about why ALL gay men want kids. Yes, some do it as some kind of statement, just like some straight couples do it to save their marriage or keep up with the Joneses. There’s no monolithic reason why gay male couple want kids. Though I agree using kids as accessories or to prove we’re valid is a bad idea.

    I have two different friends, one male and one female, both straight, who echoed Neil’s sentiment about being ambivalent about their children in the beginning. Our culture creates this baby cult where we’re supposed to be attached to them from the moment the cord is cut, and its not always the way. In most cases, spending time together, helping to feed and change the child, etc. builds a bond over time. Life isnt a movie.

    Having said that, I kind of wish NPH would keep his private moments to himself. Not only because he is setting himself up as a role model and Poster Child for gay dads, but because his kids may watch this years from now. Who wants to hear Daddy didnt adore them when they were born. I know new parents want to share every detail, but keep it to yourself Neil!

  • Kel

    Wow – disappointed. NPH now like the rest of celebs constantly seeking PR related to kids. Move over Suri…

  • pc

    Stop the NPH bashing, this is pretty typical. I felt the same way when my daughter came home from the hospital – it’s not always an instant bond. Weeks, months, whatever, eventually it happens and your kids become your all that you ever think about.

  • Evan


    One of the most common experiences new mothers have is that same guilt/disappointment over not forming that initial magic love bond. It’s normal, it’s not a guy thing, it’s not a gay thing, it’s a new parent thing and it’s common and it’s a good thing for celebs/public figures to talk about it to counterbalance all the messages that say it’s wrong to feel that way. Lots of parents take some time to bond with their infants. Truth is newborns really aren’t inherently all that interesting.

  • Jeff

    I’m getting a bit tire of NPH also. I think its over exposure. Which is funny since he had to be pushed out of the closet way back then.

  • Polyboy

    So many bitter mary’s in this posting.

  • Kim

    Dang I though the self hatred in the black community(my community) was bad.Jeff I guess everyone than “come out” as a teen like you.As for not bonding with a newborn I felt the same way, fortunately my husband did and was supportive of me.

  • Danny

    Here’s one area where there is definite equality. It is BORING listening to heteros talk about their kids (unless they are related to you). AND it is EQUALLY boring to listen to gays talk about their kids (unless they are related to you).

    Hurray for EQUALITY… though, in this case, it’s still BORING.

  • Jeff


    Theres gay and theres GHEY and niels just media whoring it now. I care not about his adoptive children. But congrats to him. just don;t need to hear about every little thing in his life because he’s gay.

  • SteveC

    Congrats to NPH on becoming a daddy.

    Personally speaking I cannot ever imagine having kids.

    Not being pressured to spawn is quite a nice aspect of being gay in my book. Then again I’m not fond of children.

    Although it does seem increasingly popular.

  • DavyJones

    Well folks, if it’s a show “dedicated to kids and parenting,” what did you expect him to talk about? Media Whoring? I think not.

  • Bev

    Isn’t this the second set of twins his partner has with someone?

  • Kenny

    Clearly from these comments there are some gay people who should never be allowed around kids. It’s for that reason that I won’t allow my kids to visit the Castro. I’ve received way more criticism from the gay community than I have from the straight community regarding my decision to be a parent.

    And the notion that lesbians can parent, but not gay men is the dumbest bit of gender bias that I’ve heard in awhile.

    I have four kids and being a parent is the most rewarding experience I know. Frankly, Id much rather hear about other people’s kids than about the drivel that most gay men have to say. I don’t give a snowflake about Lady Gaga. I don’t give a snowflake about what you did or who you did last weekend. I truly don’t give a fuck if you’re a bottom or a top. And, yes, I’m a Daddy, but I’m not yours so it’s just creepy when you call me that. I don’t care about what happened on Glee. I’m not into chicks, straight guys, or underage boys so what exactly about that show people find to be so damn entertaining is beyond me.

    By the way, you want marriage rights? Then read the Prop 8 study. It’s those of us with kids who can have the biggest impact on changing people’s minds. We are your link to winning over straight people Yet, gay parents are often marginalized by the community.

  • Danny

    See, Kenny proves the point… BORING… nothing wrong with being boring… just keep it to yourself… unless you are a relative, but then it wouldn’t be boring in that case. Celebrate your “boring-ness”… just do it over there…

    Accept that being a gay parent talking about their kids is equally as boring as a straight parent talking about their kids. Embrace your “ordinary-ness”. It’s okay. You’re just plain old boring, everyday normal. And that’s alright. There’s nothing special about being a gay parent; you’re just a run-of-the-mill parent and that’s fine. Gay or straight, makes no difference.

  • GimmeaBreak

    And, Danny, demonstrates why the gay community will never win the right to marry on a large scale. Straight people can’t identify with you. That’s why the straight parents changed their votes on Prop 8 at the last moment (which is why the Prop passed). If we are ever able to win marriage equality it will be because of gay parents like myself who are out there every day talking to straight parents. They identify with us and can see that we are very much like them. But, of course, the folks and groups who’ve never bothered to let their brain or imagination venture out of the Castro mindset will take the credit.

    When I read the ridiculous comments to this story and see the stories about groups such as GOProud – I’m so thankful I moved out into the suburbs. The hate & loathing that permeates throughout the gay community is shockingly similar to that espoused by the Tony Perkins of the world.

  • Casey

    No 16: Kenny: you say: “I have four kids and being a parent is the most rewarding experience I know. Frankly, Id much rather hear about other people’s kids than about the drivel that most gay men have to say. I don’t give a snowflake about Lady Gaga. I don’t give a snowflake about what you did or who you did last weekend. I truly don’t give a fuck if you’re a bottom or a top. And, yes, I’m a Daddy, but I’m not yours so it’s just creepy when you call me that.”

    Good for you.

    Just for the record I don’t give a fuck about how your children are doing in school. I don’t give a snowflake about your son getting on the basketball team. I don’t give a crap about your daughter’s shitty diapers.

    Your decision to be a parent is perfectly fine. But you can fuck right off if you think your decision to spawn is somehow more noble than someone who doesn’t.

    Are you prepared for the possibility that you will be ignored by your children when they become adults? That seems to happen to LOTS of parents.

    Oh and as for your comment that gay parents are going to overturn Prop 8. Well the bigots use the arguement that gay parents are reproducing for ‘recruitment’ purposes.

    Man you sound so boring, smug and self satisfied.

    Fair enough. But stay alert to the fact that spawning is no insurance against being ignored in your old age.

  • Casey

    No 18: Gimmeabreak: you say: “If we are ever able to win marriage equality it will be because of gay parents like myself who are out there every day talking to straight parents.”

    More self-satisfied, smug, unproveable bullshit.

    If we are to gain full equality then it will be because the older generation will die.

    You know – the John McCain generation who believes that you have spawned to recruit your children into the homosexual lifestyle.

    Did you miss the recent report about how young people (and not parents) are very much in favour of marriage equality (even though they no longer trust marriage as an institution).

    However if it gives meaning to your life to believe that your reproductive choices have some sort of benefit to anyone other than your own family, then go right ahead.

  • SteveC

    I find it VERY strange when I hear the arguement that gay parents are the ones who are doing most to gain LGBT equal rights.

    In Western Europe in countries like Belgium, Spain, Portugal, The Netherlands, Sweden, Norway, Iceland(and even in the UK), they not only have full marriage rights, but also full adoption rights and full access to reproductive services.

    Yet there is no real tradition of openly gay parenting, and no mass movement of gay people rushing to the sperm back or surrogacy clinic like there seems in the US. They have achieved full (or almost full) legal equality.

    Why is that? Is it that the US is culturally more conservative and that according to the rightwing nature of US society that the only valid family involves parents and children?

    Screw that I say. Abortions for everyone!

  • B*tches are back (John From England)

    Casey the b*tch!


  • B*tches are back (John From England)

    @Kenny: @GimmeaBreak:

    You really can’t expect to find reasonable gay guys on Queerty….come on-good for you for trying to get some intelligent discourse and as an adult expecting the same back without someone insulting you to death but seriously, this aint the place.

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