Little Pink House On The Prairie: Nellie Oleson’s Dad Was Gay And Managed Liberace

nellie-liberaceHow much gay can you take first thing in the morning? In a great New York Times profile of cult gay icon Alison Arngrim, better known as sausage-curled super-bitch Nellie Oleson from Little House on the Prairie, we learn a lot is rainbow-colored in the erstwhile TV star’s life.

  • Arngrim will go anywhere gay as long as they don’t play porn.
  • Her one-woman show sounds amazing: Confessions of a Prairie Bitch. She performed an NC-17 version of it in NYC recently.
  • She’s a big hugger.
  • Nellie was like a “drag queen in training,” according to the Lady Bunny. Those petticoats must have made tucking unnecessary.
  • Arngrim met her husband of 20 years while working AIDS charities.
  • She’s the David Hasselhoff of France: “They don’t think Nellie is mean. They just think she’s French.” Shocking.

But perhaps the most startling — blindingly startling from the sheer amount of sequins bedazzled onto it — revelations was that Arngrim’s father was gay and managed Liberace. Cher, move over, this woman’s a goddamn gay saint. Her mother may have been a unicorn.

We also learn that Lady Bunny is everything:

“Unlike Melissa Gilbert, who appears to be going for an amphibian look, bless her heart, Alison Arngrim has not changed very much over the years. She still looks like Nellie.”

And suddenly we’ve stumbled into Logo’s production of Little Shade on the Prairie.