million dollar baby

Nepotism baby bops: The good, the bad, and the floppiest songs released by kids of celebrities

With Madonna daughter Lourdes “Lolahol” Leon storming onto the music scene this week, now feels like a good time to revisit the nepotism baby music hall of fame (or infamy, for some).

Music makers who come from fame really run the full gamut. The range is so drastic that it’s hard to even compile a cohesive list. After all, how does one conflate Natalie Cole’s “This Will Be” with Chet Hanx’ “White Boy Summer” and still sleep at night?

Still, we would be remiss as a culture to act like all of these acts happened in a vacuum. So, let’s talk about it!

Here’s a list of some of many heirs who’ve tried their hand at music (to very varying degrees of success):

Lolahol

It’s too early to judge just how well Ms. Leon will endure, but “Lock&Key” is a perfectly fine introduction. It’s no wildfire single drop, but her mother’s debut single “Everybody” wasn’t exactly the pinnacle of her musical potential, so who knows what the next few years have in store? That said, the music industry landscape is a little different these days, so Lolahol may need to bank on a viral TikTok sound if she wants the charts to take notice.

Miley & Noah Cyrus

Billy Ray Cyrus’ shift from “Achy Breaky Heart singer” to “Hannah Montana’s dad” took a smooth 2.5 seconds after the show debuted. Miley is easily one of the most successful Disney-girl-to-popstar pipeline stories, and even with a hit-or-miss musical career, her peaks go high. Noah definitely plays Dannii to Miley’s Kylie, but her “July” duet with Leon Bridges is cute enough to earn her at least a little credibility. She’s at least better regarded since she stopped dating whatever “Lil Xan” is.

Kelly Osbourne

Kelly’s musical peak being a cover that’s inferior to the original is really all you need to know. Her father was an internationally known rockstar whose controversies included biting the head off a bat on-stage; Kelly’s biggest controversies have just been saying the dumbest possible things. Not quite in the same arena!

Brooke Hogan

Honestly, it’s surprising that “Hulk Hogan’s daughter” was a big enough claim to fame to warrant a spot in the Top 40. “About Us” dropped in ’06, right in the heat of the Paris Hilton craze where folks were seemingly ready to snap up any blonde heiress they could find. Every element of this song was something that had been done better elsewhere in the decade before it. She didn’t see a ton more success with her following show Brooke Knows Best, but it feels like the pivot to reality TV was at least a better fit.

Willow & Jaden Smith

Between being blown up by Karate Kid and “Whip My Hair” in 2010 (before either of them was in middle school), folks seemed ready to drag these two as the biggest examples of fame inheritance in years. Will Smith admitted in recent years that he had been pushing them towards the bigtime before they were ready. It apparently took Willow rebelliously shaving her head in the middle of touring “Whip My Hair” for their father to ease up. They both took a good few years out of the limelight, and even after coming back with their new, more defined artistic styles, neither Willow nor Jaden are commanding tabloid attention.

Whitney Houston

A controversial mention, but the facts must be reported! Cissy Houston was already an accomplished gospel singer before Whitney hit the scene singing background on her records. That said, it’s hard to consider Whitney a legacy act when her own legacy so strongly outshines most others. The difference was even stark as she rose; Whitney got a good five Grammys under her belt before Cissy won her first. Even her cousin Dionne Warwick can’t stand up to her record accolade-for-accolade. Would it be inappropriate to thank nepotism for this one?

Tiffany Trump

Yes, it’s a little cursed that Tiffany Trump dropped a single. It’s even more cursed that it features 2010s hit-maker rapper Logic. Most cursed of all is that it honestly gives Grimes’ Art Angels about half a decade ahead of its time. The track had a full TikTok resurgence last year solely off the comparison. If there absolutely had to be a Trump that the youths started ironically appreciating, Donald’s least favorite child was probably best case scenario here.

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