Introducing Flamy. A new hookup app for “bears and chasers” that aims to defy all labels.
“Whether you are a Twink, a Jock type or a Bear, with FLAMY you can be yourself,” the app promises. “We offer an open platform and live by the motto ‘NO LABELS’.”
But, wait… Aren’t “twink,” “jock,” and “bear” all labels?
“Gay people are some of the most discriminatory people on the planet,” CEO Casper X says in a press release, “and it’s no secret that dating in the gay world is hard if you don’t have a perfect body or a certain look.”
The allegedly non-discriminatory 18+ app is for males only. (Sorry, ladies… and non-binaries… and queers… and anyone who is not cisgender.)
Related: Shocking PSA shows just what it’s like to be on Grindr if you have HIV
Despite having only launched a few days ago, Flamy already claims to be the “#1 gay dating app for bears and bear chasers.”
Creators say they have tried to take “the best elements of Grindr, Scruff and other gay dating apps while leaving the discrimination and the labels those apps tend to generate.”
Some of the features include a filter that allows you to block guys you’re not interested in, and a “Spark & Search” option that allows you to “swipe left to dislike and pass” on anyone who doesn’t appeal to you for any reason.
“We started the Flamy dating app to get rid of the barriers that some people face in our community,” Casper X says. “We’re not Grindr; we’re not Jackd. We love all of our gay brothers.”
Related: Finally! An app that connects gay men with wealthy sugar daddies
sounds like a fairly elaborate parody
This hypersensitive criticism of apps has really gotten quite absurd. This app is no more discriminatory than Bigger City or any other app/site that caters to a specific demographic (usually a commonly overlooked or rejected demographic) within the gay community. Blocking and rating are common parts of any social media site. And if we’re going to be this sensitive, gay and queer are labels too, QUEERty.
See now. There I agree with you.
Preferences are not discrimination
As an older white make bearish type, I get that many 22 yo’s have no interest in me (that is there loss).
Same goes for black guys looking for other black guys, or muscle looking for other muscle.
Why waste time cruising someone who you are not their type. There are plenty of 22 yo’s that want guys twice their age that can find us on Daddy Hunt, Silver Fox etc.
I LOVE Men’s “Family Jewels” sorry to my trans friends that I do not want to go to bed with you. Hang out at a ball game, a bar, movies; I am there. just not into romance with them
I have to disagree.
As an African-American gay male, I have to question those of us, including African-Americans, who hide behind the word “preference”.
Preference means that they would prefer one over the other but won’t exclude someone if they are not that preference. In fact, Webster states that preference is a thing preferred not omitted completely.
If you exclude an individual because he or she is Asian, Caucasian, Black, Femme, that’s discrimination. You never know where you’ll find your soulmate. It’s about their character and how they treat you more than their ethnicity or the color of their skin.
I “prefer” Latino men, but it doesn’t mean that I won’t date an Asian or Caucasian or Black guy because I don’t discriminate; because I have dated across the rainbow.
The only people I will discriminate against, because I’m a gay man, are women. I don’t date women, have sex with women or are attracted to them in any romantic sense. I will, however, be friends and platonic companions with women. Oh and some Republicans.
Totally agree JAW, and I have to reject Mawbinatl’s response. Preference is exactly that – preference. It’s not a shield to hide behind, it is a literal thing. Removing search filters isn’t going to make someone engage in intercourse or a relationship with someone they wouldn’t have otherwise. It just means it’ll slow them down in finding what they’re actually after.
This question of when preference becomes discrimination is always such a weird conversation in our community.
I’ve always considered a large part of the issue a matter of brevity. These apps do not allow you to express what has gone into your preferences and so many people are looking to just hook up and not have a whole conversation. So we come up with quick and dirty labels or way to identify our particular turn ons and turn offs.
Utterly agree with you on that, Kieru. I forget who, but the smartest thing I’ve ever heard said about our “app culture” is: Nothing worth saying can be posted in 140 characters or less.
Far as I’m concerned, very little can be said in an electronic forum without the risk of losing meaning, losing the context, or just plain misinterpretation. Complicating this is the venue’s limitations, forcing you to write in blurbs, abbreviations and online-slang to fit the limited character set. This would be bad enough, but then the “emojis” change every 5 minutes and, yes, there really are illiterate ding-a-lings out there making a mess of things.
While I agree somewhat, but when you start specifying what you don’t want in terms of skin color and ethnicity, it becomes discrimination.
One can easily say that, for example, “looking to hook up with a hot guy tonight” without the caveat of no Asians, blacks, etc. I know it’s all a little subjective, but we did it even in the bars before apps were around and it was discriminatory then and it still is now. I had a man say to my face, and I think I had mentioned this in another thread, I don’t date blacks. After we had gone on a date, had great conversation and, I thought, chemistry only to be denied because of my skin tone.
It’s just easier now for people to justify their prejudices behind the word “preference”. But that’s my opinion.
By the way, if skin color or ethnicity is a “turn off” then it’s discrimination.
I’m 22 and I won’t use a hookup app. Not today and not in 10 years or in 20 years. “Twinks” and “bears”? The whole thing is like a cartoon. Those labels are OK to classify porn genres, but you don’t sort live human beings that way. Well, you don’t unless your dating life is essentially an extension of porn – using strangers for sex and then forgetting about them when it’s over. It’s really sad and pathetic.
Gay-identifying men are very discriminatory. When you build your life on sexual fetishes – as many gay men do – you tend to become highly evasive of men who don’t fit into your fetish.
The dating app illustrates the grip that labels have on the mindsets of those men who identify with the bear fetish.
Yeah, like you aren’t discriminatory towards women and “gay-identifying” men while living in your own fantasy world where there is no sexual orientation and women and “gay-identifying” men are the biggest social issues and in that fantasy world you probably have a fetish for every type of guy who doesn’t say they’re gay. I thought it was impossible to fill up such a small post with so much hypocrisy.
Does this FLAMY app (not?) know about Scruff? They might want to careful about claiming they’re #1 so quickly.
Ha – good point. Bears are quite common on Scruff. Unless Scruff varies a lot from city to city (?) which I guess is possible.
There is a way of letting your preferences known without it being discriminatory. And when it does cross that line it deserves to be called out. But expecting open-mindedness from a shallow hook-up app? Why is this still anyone’s concern?
The gay community is the most bigoted within the LGBT. All of the comments above proves it. Y’all will do the most mental gymnastics to rationalize your bigotry, too.
Most the straight people I know also have preferences when it comes to race, body type, personality, etc. I know black and Latino men of all orientations that only want to date within their race or only outside their race. Ratio-wise, there are far more interracial gay couples than straight couples. So, such a blanket statement has some truth but is also a tad insincere and doesn’t look at any type of nuance.
Just like a woman’s face or body may not sexually turn you on, a particular race’s face may not turn you on. Doesn’t mean you hate or are disgusted by that race. I’m a bi-racial person married to a white man and I never cared about race in the dating world. However, it’s time for people to actually have conversation rather than simply cry racism, bigotry, etc in a short sentence and think they’ve actually done something about it.
But as I said, the biggest issue here are people using hook-up apps as the main base of any real-world conversation.
Also, a great percentage of men who regularly use these apps live straight lives or identify as bi, fluid, queer, etc. So, claiming it’s a specific issue for men who identify as gay is incredibly disingenuous. If anything, it’s slightly less of an issue.
I’ve met trans people who are so obsessed with their own masculinity and femininity and sense of gender that they look down on effeminate men and masculine women. I’ve met a trans man who only wants to date guys who see themselves as 100% gay. We already know that many trans women only want to date guys who see themselves as straight. I’ve met bi/queer/fluid identifying men who are clearly swimming in a sea of internalized homophobia and who are also specific about the races they’re into.
Whatever you are or whatever you see yourself as none of it dissuades preferences and it doesn’t dissuade ignorance, prejudice or self-hate. If anything, I’ve noticed that people who say things like “gay men are more closed-minded than anyone else” are typically the ones who are dealing with the most sh*t and do the most mental gymnastics to shield it.
And this is where I feel a disconnect with LGBTQ-ness and the gay media. The willingness to virtually ignore things that actually plague the “community” (like internalized homophobia, self-destructive behaviors, abuse, secrecy, how segmented the “community” is) while staying hyper focused on sh*t that doesn’t matter, the constant indulgence of each other’s egos and narcissistic tendencies, the constant need to hold each other’s hands. Instead, there’s relentless arguing about hook-up apps. Really?
Uh, look around people: men, straight or gay, are pretty much the same when it comes to sex: they are visual and objectify. I don’t go home and cry in my pillow about that. That’s life. Grow up and stop looking in the damn mirror.
The straight men I know judge women in more severe and limiting ways than most gay men I have met. I much rather be a gay man than a straight woman. The range of objectified body types and ages is much greater within the gay community and I’ve encountered way more interracial and class differential dating within the gay world than in the straight one.
Sorry folks, no outrage here.
Here are the two main things that people who constantly complain about these apps and say gay men are so racist don’t see or won’t admit:
Not that all bi and queer “identifying” men fit into these categories, but if you’re someone who is only attracted to a gender’s body parts or is a narcissist who is obsessed with feeling different things and different people’s “energy” you’re less likely to be direct with your preferences or actually have preferences.
These hook-up apps are designed for quick sexual fixes. They’re basically like a menu at a fast food restaurant. Expecting sensitivity from them is naive and actually undermines the point of their existence. Does it mean that a good percentage of these men aren’t closed-minded asshole? Of course not. But it is what it is.
“’Gay people are some of the most discriminatory people on the planet,’ CEO Casper X says in a press release….” As other posters have noted above, what tedious, self-loathing nonsense from Mr. X.
Btw, is Casper X any relation to Malcolm X? Or is it maybe like a regal or papal name: he’s the tenth Casper? Of course, I realize I’m hardly in a position to make fun of someone’s surname (lol) but I was just wondering.
…”and it’s no secret that dating in the gay world is hard if you don’t have a perfect body or a certain look.”
Dating? Relax, Mr. X, you haven’t created a “dating” site. It’s merely a casual hookup site. Nothing wrong with that, but don’t start thinking you’ve created a “dating” site when there are serious dating sites out there.
Look who took an intro to sociology course! But seriously, GTFO if you are going to police people’s self-identities. Identifying as a twink, bear, otter, queer, whatever – it does not hurt you, it has no impact on you, and there is nothing wrong with an app including those words. It is not “discriminatory.” And creating spaces for sectors of LGBTQ culture is not discriminatory either, considering the different sectors have different cultural components. This article is complete BS.
Remember when people used to talk, find common interests, and go on dates? No? Ok.
I was going to try Flamy, but it’s not yet at Google Play. Rejected again.
Comments are closed.