New Paraguay President Apologizes For Comparing Gay People To Monkeys

horacio-cartes-210413He’s evolved! Horacio Cartes, Paraguay’s new president-elect, who compared gay people to monkeys and said he’d shoot himself in the balls if he learned his son were gay, has issued a public apology.

“Everyone should live within the rules,” Cartes stated during his campaign, before dramatically adding. “If not, we’d be like the monkeys that swing in the trees.”

Under pressure from gay activists, the tobacco magnate, who was elected president  on Sunday, now sorta says he’s sorry. “I have no shame in apologizing to those who felt offended for an expression of mine with respect to same-sex marriage,” he offered.