ONE IS PLENTY

New “Tolerant” St. Patrick’s Day Parade Invokes ‘One Gay Group Per Year’ Rule

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A sober parade-goer obviously very concerned about the parade’s “Catholic heritage”

Turns out one group of openly gay humans polluting the sanctity of New York City’s annual St. Patrick’s Day parade is way more than enough.

After allegedly lifting the centuries-old ban on LGBTs marching in the parade, organizers have confirmed that the one group they’ve approved to march in the 2015 parade is the only group that is eligible, mostly because that group represents the national broadcasting corporation that will bring the parade to America’s living rooms.

Last week, organizers of the historically homophobic event announced that they would allow “[email protected]”, the LGBT group within corporate NBC, to march in next year’s parade. Despite his surrender to homosexuals, Grand Marshall Cardinal Dolan assured the drunk masses that the parade would still remain “close to its Catholic heritage.”

But according to BuzzFeed, the parade’s ban on LGBTs still remains intact for those who do not work directly for NBC. In the week since the ban had been “lifted,” parade organizers have advised three Irish LGBT groups to apply for inclusion in the 2016 parade because, well, there is already a group of LGBTs marching in 2015.

And as expected, they have failed to explain why these LGBT groups are not eligible to march in 2015, even though registration for heterosexual groups is open until mid-December.

The groups — Irish Queers, Lavender and Green Alliance, and St. Pat’s for All — are now accusing the parade of being homophobic. Quelle surprise.

“The one LGBT group that’s allowed to march in next year’s parade has nothing to do with the Irish community,” Emmaia Gelman, a member of all three groups, told BuzzFeed. “NBC is using its LGBT employee group to solve its problem, which is that it was embarrassed to continue sponsoring the event when the parade continues its exclusion of LGBT groups. This was a corporate decision.”

But are we really surprised? It was pretty much understood that the parade’s new “tolerance” policy was a desperate attempt to save the beer sponsorships it lost last year, not decency.

Photo: Ed Yourdon, Flickr