New Year’s Resolutions for Gay Celebs

Happy 2009! Rather than making our own New Year’s resolutions, we’ve decided to make up the resolutions of gay and lesbian celebrities and personalities on their behalf. It’s a Queerty public service! Of course, we forgot to include everyone, and that’s where you come in.

Andrew Sullivan, blogger extraordinaire and onetime conservative should resolve to let Sarah Palin’s medical records go. He’s still talking about them despite the fact that nobody alive actually cares. And why should they? Now that Tripp’s on the scene, who cares who the mommy of Trig is? Also, “know hope”? Nope.

Joe Solomese, president of the Human Rights Campaign, should make 2009 the year the HRC gets up off its knees and use its mouth for something other than pleasuring the DNC. We’re tired of hearing how HRC fails to work with other gay organizations and we’re tired of the group’s “we know best” attitude. Eat a little humble pie and reengage with the wider gay community.

Clay Aiken should to spend 2009 away from the limelight with his baby. It’s not just that we have Claymate fatigue, but after finally coming out a semi-normal life for Aiken is within his grasp, if only he can fight off his famewhoring impulses.And insatiable Claymates.

Bravo, Lifetime and the the Weinstein brothers need to resolve to make Project Runway about sewing, not suing, again. By squabbling over bruised egos, you’re forcing Runway‘s devoted fan base to say auf widersehen to what is basically the best reality show ever. Bring it back!

Anderson Cooper should make 2009 the year he briefly discloses his sexuality and moves on. The whole “I’m a journalist! I’m not the story!” thing is ridiculously disingenuous considering the fact that his denials, coupled with coy walks in the park with handsome young Latin boys, only draw attention to himself. You’re hot Andy, but are you really going to put us through another year of your gay geisha routine?

Candis Cayne ought to resolving to get herself back on television as soon as possible. Her performance as Carmelita in Dirty Sexy Money wasn’t just groundbreaking, it was excellent! With the show canceled, we’d like to see Cayne as a series regular somewhere in primetime, be it on Wisteria Lane or a mysterious island.

Regent Media President Paul Colichman has done The Advocate no favors since purchasing the beleaguered publication. With the global media apocalypse laying waste to publications left and right, The Advocate‘s long-term success isn’t being helped by a guy who once said he had no desire to be in the publishing business. Unless Colichman wants to see The Advocate turned into a museum piece, he should use 2009 to refocus the magazine on original reporting, beef up its news division (Kerry Elved is top-notch, but she’s only one woman) and leave the celebrity, fashion and entertainment to sister publication Out.

Neil Patrick Harris should resolve to stay awesome.

We really wish Barney Frank would make a New Year’s resolution to buy just one new suit. Yes, Frank is from Massachusetts, a state whose fashion sense is stuck permanently on “sweatsuit”, but for the love of all that is good and right in the world, we’d like to see Frank clean-up just once.

Mario Lopez, we pretty sure you’re not gay, despite being charming, a great dancer, smoking hot, but we think you should resolve to keep up your quest to take your clothes off on every show you’re cast in. You love showing us the goods and we love watching em’. It’s a win-win.

Barack Obama should resolve in 2009 to end the useless and discriminatory Don’t Ask-Don’t Tell, help push through a trans-inclusive ENDA, and repeal the moronic Defense of Marriage Act. There’s other issues that need to be worked on, but this would make for a good start for our new President.