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New York City Pulls Up a Sling to Welcome John Gechter

vincentdesalvo

It’s been less than two weeks since Christian school Grove City College officially terminated John Gechter’s studies after learning about his proclivity to have sex for gay Internet porn websites. Gechter — who GCC says has “voluntarily chosen to withdraw” — threatened to sue the school, but agreed to let up if administrators allow him to transfer credits for a degree — so he can move to New York and take some bio-chem classes this summer!

But that’s not all Gechter, 22, plans on doing. He’s also going to be starring in the play Love for Sale, which the name of a song Cole Porter wrote just for folks who have sex for cash! In the meantime, the Big Apple is starting a welcoming committee for Gechter — better known as Vincent DeSalvo — which, like everything else in the news about sex, begins with Craigslist.

Posted last night was this “Open Letter to NYC’s Newest Porn Star Resident”:

John! I know New York City will be quite a change from your conservative Christian school, so I thought I’d give you a few tips about surviving the summer. Good luck and don’t let the sassy queens here or the Grove City College closet cases back there get you down.

• Don’t move to Chelsea. You’ll end up plucking your eyebrows.

• The folks in Williamsburg will resent you for being employed, even if it’s as a porn star.

• The kids in Hells Kitchen will want you because you’re masculine.

• The men in the East Village will want you because you’re boyish.

• The Latin studs in Washington Heights will want you because you’re a bottom.

• The butchest ones will want you because they’ll think you’re a top.

• Some math: twenty-one yo online = eighteen or younger in real life, twenty-four = twenty-four, twenty-nine = thirty-five, thirty-five = forty-seven.

• Don’t sleep with actors, directors, bartenders or your neighbors. You’ll regret it, they’re all psychos.

• Have sex with at least three hot, interesting people your first week. They’ll be your closest friends for the summer. After that, they’ll cut you off because their boyfriends are jealous.

• Learn to play pool and don’t shave your chest.

• The Lower East Side coke dens are great places to meet broke coke addicts.

• Fashion parties are great places to meet borderline pedophiles who will offer you work that never materializes.

• Dive bars are great places to meet alcoholics who want to be writers and smell like beer in the morning.

• Become a casual smoker. It gives you an excuse to take someone outside a bar or club and see them in the streetlight well enough to decide whether you really want to sleep with them.

• If someone invites you to stay at their house in Fire Island (and surely they will), you’re no longer obligated to put out. Those are the old rules. Just wear a Speedo at all times. This will entitle you to do all their drugs and leave wet towels on the floor.

• Dog ownership and alcoholism don’t mix.

• Boyfriends are sluts.

• Careers and boyfriends don’t mix.

• Somehow boyfriends, promiscuity, dogs, alcoholism, fashion, Latins and employment do mix well together. All that polarity crosses itself out and shit.

See you on the Battery Park lawn!

Sadly, the note concluded without any contact information for EastVillageBoys.com, where we’re sure John will do swimmingly.

(Photo: Randy Blue)