MEAT IS MURDER

New York Post Restaurant Critic Butchers Lady Gaga’s Parents’ New Eatery

Gaga’s parents had a tough crowd at their new trattoria, Joanne, last night.

Irascible New York Post restaurant critic Steve Cuozzo savaged the Upper West Side eatery ruthlessly, in a hatchet piece headlined “You’ll Gag on the Food at Gaga’s.”

Gaga’s dad, Joe Germanotta, just opened the trattoria (on Columbus Avenue and 68th Street) and tapped openly gay chef Art Smith, Oprah’s old cook, to run the place.

In Germanotta’s defense, it was the opening night, but Cuozzo says he has license to review so early because Gaga’s “hype machine” has been “trumpeting the joint for months.”

Cuozzo’s choicest eviscerations:

*The place smelled funky. “You don’t expect a brand-new eatery to be running on all cylinders. But Joanne, owned by the pop superstar’s parents, last night was running mainly on acrid-smelling burnt vinegar wafting intermittently through the raucous dining room.”

*The staff was so bridge and tunnel. “Much of the staff, including the crew toiling in the open kitchen, seemed plucked from the ‘burbs. Clueless busboys wandered the floor, performing no other function than to pour tap water into sparkling.”

*The starters blew chunks. “Appetizers took 50 minutes to arrive. Grilled calamari with bitter greens and radicchio were the worst I’ve had in a lifetime of squid-mongering, the salad unseasoned and the calamari like leather.”

*The entrees sucked too. “One-note orecchiette with shellfish recalled the flaccid pasta commonly doled out along Long Island’s Jericho Turnpike—or at 35,000 feet.

It’s too bad for Smith (right), who was clearing tables personally as well as instructing cooks patiently in the kitchen. “I’m baffled that he’s lending his name, prestige and presence to an Italian ‘trattoria’ that last night wasn’t ready for prime time—or even the wee hours,” wrote Cuozzo.

Yikes. Better call our girlfriends and cancel our Sunday brunch reservations.

Photo: Stefan