Newt Gingrich Wants To Teach You How To Be A Better Gay

gingrichgty_newt_gingrich_mad_debate_thg_120119_wgEvil inflatable pool toy Newt Gingrich does not at all approve of all you rude homosexuals! But fortunately he is here to teach you some manners. You’re welcome, gays.

Gingrich appeared yesterday on the 24-hour vocal warmup network, CNN, to complain that it’s getting harder and harder to say terrible things about oppressed minorities.

“THOUGHT POLICE RUN AMOK?” screams a lower-third.

Muttering inquisitor Bishop Harry Jackson Jr speaks first. You may recall him from such hits as “Folks who cannot reproduce want to recruit your kids” and marriage equality is “just like during the times of Hitler.” (Great job booking credible experts, CNN!)

When it’s Newt’s turn to speak, he defends football lunatic Derrick Ward, who previously tweeted that it was “disgusting” for ESPN to allow Michael Sam to kiss the man he loves. Newt goes on, “you guys want to talk about how you want to be inclusive, except of course, if somebody tweets this …’let’s send him off to sensitivity training.’ It strikes me that’s repression, that’s not inclusive.”

He adds, “shouldn’t you be teaching people who are gay to be open and understanding of people who are …” and the rest of the sentence is drowned out in the outrage of the other panelists.

That’s a shame, because we would really have liked to have heard where Newt was going with that. Please, Newt, tell us, what should we be teaching gays? What is your curriculum here for teaching homosexuals to enjoy the company of people who tell them that they are “disgusting?”

The whole things reminds us of a Jules Feiffer cartoon from the early eighties. An older-looking man is muttering to himself that he’s finding it harder and harder to talk, because social rules keep narrowing the language he can use. “Can’t say ‘fag’ anymore,” he gripes. “Can’t say ‘dyke’ anymore.”

At the end of the strip, he throws up his hands, “I can only take so much tolerance. I’m going back to ‘nigger.'” We see where you’re going with this, Newt. It’s not very nice.

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