Name: Nico Tortorella, 29
Who He Is: Actor/model
Why He Matters: Illinois native Tortorella climbed the showbiz ladder, first as a model, then appearing in a series of TV shows like The Beautiful Life & Younger and in movies such as Scream 4. Along the way, he’s spoken candidly about the complicated nature of his same-sex attractions and his gender fluidity.
Related: ‘Younger’ star Nico Tortorella comes out as gender fluid
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Why We’re Proud: Tortorella earned a reputation for intentionally raising eyebrows on social media and in interviews to provoke difficult conversations about sexuality, gender and the intersection of the two. Proudly bisexual, Tortorella propelled education about anti-bi sentiments from both straight and gay people. He’s also challenged stereotypes of sexuality head-on: earlier in 2018, he married his longtime lesbian girlfriend, Bethany, while wearing a wedding dress.
The outfit more than hinted at something else. Tortorella also came out as gender fluid this year, refusing the label “cisgender.” He says he’s still figuring out the pronoun situation; for now, he uses “he.” Needless to say, coming out as bi and refusing to conform to a single gender has earned Tortorella his own troll flock. A number of those trolling voices actually come from other queer people, and Tortorella has highlighted the prejudices that remain within our community while challenging us to do better.
In a recent interview, he opened up about the importance of talking about gender and sexuality, even among LGBTQ people:
The message of this conversation, the way I use the word ‘fluid’, transcends any gender behavior or gender expression. To really shape-shift and to be the best version of yourself that you can possibly be all the time–that changes who you’re surrounded by, the environment you’re in and where you are in your life. You can’t break something that bends.
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Donston
Well, he actually has embraced like 20 or so different identities. So, the title is just wrong.
The biggest problem with Nico is how despite his non-stop preaching and self-absorption he still mostly comes off as evasive and defensive. He’s so obsessed with photo ops, so obsessed with coming off as this great philosopher and obsessed with hopping onto whatever new identity or whatever new aspect of the “queer movement”. He’s clearly been through some stuff and has a lot of things going on in his head. If he actually focused more on talking straightfowardly about those things I could respect more and more easily gloss over all the pretension, attention seeking and gay male resentment.
Donston
I forgot to refer to Nico as they/them. My apologies.
Teddy Ready
In reply to the “Donston” letter about the “Gender Fluidity” media conversation that is being spear-headed by the brave Young Man, Nico Tortorello, I must say that I can see where some people would interpret his answers and reactions as being of an Opportunist Egotistical ploy of attention seeking. But even if this minor characteristic is distracting, I must give credit to him for being brave enough to express himself on a National Forum about a subject that even I admit I am dense but open to learn about. I liked what Nico said about not being totally expertise himself about it but that he was willing to learn as he went along. I’d advise him to relax more and listen more because I think that it was “Nerves” that can make one come across as evasive when not backing up the subject with more definitive substance and statistics, and defensive caused by fear of not getting a point across.
Gigi Gee
“…earlier in 2018” because they’d run out of ideas for Instagram posts. ?????
Billy Budd
His fluidity makes him a perfect lead actor for a remake of Tootsie!
Magiqua
But wasn’t the whole premise about Tootsie the fact that a totally straight, conventional guy is suddenly thrown into having to pretend to be a woman, and his journey through finding it totally alien and uncomfortable to unleashing his natural feminine side and creating this powerful female character…
I think if they tried to remake it with a ‘genderfluid’ male, it would miss the mark entirely.
Donston
It seems like Nico’s articles are completely getting stripped of comments, even the ones that aren’t particularly cruel. They/them must be contacting this site.
MonkeyMan
Nico Tortellinis definition of trolls: “Anyone who doesn’t buy my books, listens to my thousands of podcast episodes detailing everyone of my sexual encounters, clicks on my videos, says I’m super sexy no matter how I present myself, and simply doesn’t agree with every single word coming out of my mouth and every decision I’ve ever made.”
Nico would have far less troubles with “trolls” if he could just grow up and realize that there’s actually people living outside of Los Angeles too, who are just as valid as everyone else even if they are completely different from the people in L.A.
Magiqua
His girlfriend/wife can call herself a lesbian all she likes, she is NOT a lesbian if she is sexually attracted and happily married to a man. She is a bisexual, even if she prefers women- as a lesbian myself, I am so done with bi women playing around with and appropriating lesbian identity whilst still enjoying the hetero-normative privileges that being married/in a relationship with/being sexually available to men brings about. Think about it, if Portia de Rossi claimed to be ‘straight’ wile being married to Ellen she would be lambasted and ridiculed, so why all of a sudden is it different when a women (happily) married to a man claims to be a lesbian. This double standard frustrates me immensely.
dash_board1
I have noticed this strange behaviour amongst some bi people ( e.g. Cynthia Nixon). They will complain about bierasure and biphobia and the negative connotations of the word ‘bisexual’. But rather than work towards changing that perception they will instead deliberately misidentify as gay. Not only that, they will then go on to insist that gay does not mean exclusive sexual attraction to the same sex.
Donston
I don’t recall Cynthia ever repping bi or complaining about a bi erasure. She never attached herself to any aspect of the “bi movement”. People tagged her as bi because she dated men for years then stopped. People like me (and I’m assuming Nixon) who are not 100% homosexual but embrace a gay/lesbian identity are not interested in anyone’s bi erasure, sociological fracture or attaching ourselves to any movement. We just want to live content gay lives with our partners. This is something that you need to get over dashboard. As I’ve told you quite a few times, almost half of gay-identifying people are not completely inherently homo. It’s time to get off that particular soapbox.
I do think it’s absurd to say you’re a lesbian but be married to man. At the very least “lesbian” should mean female-based preferences that you embrace. Her latching on to “lesbian” despite supposedly being with this man for ten years hints that despite maybe caring for they/them she’s perhaps not all that into Nico, and they/them is forcing this relationship. Also, Portia dated women for a long time before she got with Ellen, though I know that wasn’t the point you were making.
Donston
She could say that she’s “queer”. But claiming “lesbian” when your primary relationship has been with a dude is lame and you apparently have no real interest in having a legit relationship with a female is just lame, even if she actually has zero sexual attraction, sexual enjoyment or romantic fulfillment towards men. Gay/lesbian/bi/pan- if these things don’t represent your inherent orientation or your embraced preferences then they don’t mean anything. As I said, clinging on to “lesbian” despite mostly dating a man for supposedly ten years and then marrying him is not only misappropriating it kinda comes off homophobic. Just jump on the “queer” bandwagon.
Magiqua
A little late to reply, but again I really am on the same page with you Donston.
Just to add insult to injury, she claims to be a ‘lesbian’ yet enjoys the privileged position of being in a heterosexual marriage/relationship with a man in a heteronormative society, she really doesn’t have a clue how deluded, entitled and lesbophobic she is truly being.
Never mind that by choosing to misidentify as specifically ‘lesbian’ rather than queer, bi, pan she is continuing to peddle the false, infuriating and homophobic notion that lesbians are still sexually available/open to men, and just have to meet the ‘right’ guy for it to happen.
Xzamilloh
I just find his acting to be mediocre… the other stuff wouldn’t matter if everything I saw him in didn’t leave wondering how he keeps getting work. I guess Younger’s okay.
Donston
He’s been a Hollywood “party boy” since his mid-teens. I’m guessing that has something to do with him still making a living in the industry. He was surprisingly mum in the midst of the #metoo movement. I thought that I was a bandwagon he would certain jump considering how many bandwagons he’s jumped on and how “female positive” he is. Him being on hush mode concerning that was kind of revealing.
ElPillo
He’s cute. Ends there
OzJosh
Exactly how “gender-fluid” are you with a full beard? Seriously?
JohnMc888
Ballet de Tropadero.
Aires the Ram
Perhaps a quick reach down in his pants would eliminate his “confusion”.
GayEGO
Hey, what is the big deal! We are all different and we need to live and let live!
Donston
I completely agree. We are all different. We each have own orientation, sense of gender, motivations, general fulfillments, etc.
The problems with Nico (or at least my problems) is that he’s said some racially ignorant things in the past that he was never called out for, has said some resentful things about gay men and “gay lifestyle” that he has never been called out for, is obsessed with connecting himself to “queerness” and constantly using it to promote himself despite making it clear that he has zero interest in ever legitimately dating anyone outside of the opposite gender and zero interest in ever transitioning and isn’t even really non-binary. Then there’s his unrelentingly pretentious prattle that offers very little real insight into himself, and has made a big show and felt the need to give an interview every time he takes on a new identity or movement which is pratically every other week. I couldn’t care less about his wanting to wear a dress for photo ops, marrying a supposed lesbians or taking on a they/them identity. But it feels more and more like desperation rather than self-discovery and embracing who you are.
I say live however you feel, but there’s too many annoying and problematic things going on when it comes to they/them.