superqueeroes

Northstar, the X-Men’s Bossy Bottom, Has A New Boyfriend. Here’s What Comes Next

Marvel initially kept its premier openly gay superhero, Northstar, closeted for 13 years because of a 1954 Comic Books Code forbidding “sex perversion.” Haha. But, after coming out in 1992’s Alpha Flight #106, Northstar became quite the proactive jet-setter— he adopted a HIV-positive orphan, beat up homophobes around the globe, mentored a gay mutant, started his own brand of snowsporting equipment, and even published his memoir, Born Normal. He’s like Elton John, but kick-assier. Nevertheless, the hero’s never even kissed a guy in his 18 years as an out superhero, but all that’s about to change.

Northstar (aka Jean-Paul Beaubier) dated Russian musclestud Colossus in Ultimate X-Men, but they never kissed and later, Northstar ended up being captured and OD-ing on mutant steroids—bummer. Before that, Marvel killed off Northstar in three separate storylines, staging one of his deaths around Pride month of 2005…quite the gay cultural faux pas! Northstar got stabbed to death by Wolverine, shot by Cable, and blown up by Skrulls—it seems that flying a super speeds and creating blinding flashes of light won’t save you from everything, eh Jean-Paul? But in true comic book fashion, they’ve resurrected Northstar yet again for Nation X, a series being handled by openly gay comic artist and writer Tim Fish.

Tim Fish is known for creating gay comics such as Cavalcade of Boys and Young Bottoms in Love, which are nightstand reading musts if we’ve ever heard of one. So it pleases us that his Nation X storyline will show how Northstar handles a long-distance relationship with his black San Francisco boyfriend, Kyle. “I think there’s a lot about Northstar that’s unexplored,” Fish tells Marvel.com. “He’s an arrogant jerk on the surface, but what’s underneath?”

Fish is right; Northstar’s a bit of a diva and maybe even a bossy bottom. When Wolverine asked him to rejoin the team, Northstar said “This isn’t a gay thing, is it, Logan? The idea of being your mutant queer mascot appeals to be not one bit.” Geez, Northstar, it isn’t always about you, be-yotch.

But because Northstar’s a “famous jet-setter involved in incredible X-adventures,” Fish sees “Kyle as a grounding influence on his life, someone to keep [Northstar] stable and reasonable.” Fish suspects Kyle’s used to Jean-Paul doing whatever he wants whenever he wants. Considering Jean-Paul’s skiing, business ventures, and the super hero bit, I would think Kyle’s got to be the easy-going type.”

So we wanted to have a bit of fun imagining just what Mr. Fish might do with Northstar’s storyline. We’ll leave costuming ideas to your in the comments.

WEAPONS OF ASS DESTRUCTION: As an angry and rebellious young adult, Northstar joined the Front de Libération du Québec, a separatist terrorist organization fighting for Quebec’s secession from Canada. Oooh la la! Northstar and his fellow X-men will be caught with their pants down when his old lover from the Front shows up wielding an extra-large missile, bent on destroying all the San Francisco homos, especially Northstar’s boyfriend! Will Northstar render his old friend’s assault impotent, will he be faced to take the payload full force, or is Kyle’s ass toast?

 

SERVING HARD-TIME: When Northstar gets wind of Magneto’s plot to spring the villainous Mercury from Utopia’s prison, Wolverine puts Northstar, Nightrcrawler, and Colossus on guard duty. Northstar says, “You’re not my mother, Logan!” and begins pouting in private. The boredom almost drives him back to using Banshee, the mutant steroid he once OD’ed on. But Nightcrawler and Colossus start really living up to their names by letting their hair down and show Northstar that serving time with a hardened felon can be more fun than the law allows. Soon after, Magneto shows up, utterly destroys them and frees Mercury without even breaking a sweat—bitch, please.

 

GAYS BE SHOPPIN’: Colossus is depressing, Wolverine’s straight, and Iceman’s giving Northstar the cold shoulder. So old Jean-Paul decides that life on Utopia is “uber-boring” and that he’s “totes not into it.” He then returns to San Fran for some “sun, fun, and bunz” with Kyle on a whirlwind spending sextravaganza! First they go for Brunch at the Mecca, then Northstar makes Kyle pick up some groceries from the Safeway—”Noooo, get the low-fat organic soy jelly. Do you wanna give me cottage cheese thighs like you, Kyle? Jesus.” After walking their Pomeranian at Dolores Pork, the boys go nude sunbathing at Baker Beach, and to an underwear party at the Ferry House. Meanwhile, bisexual X-men Mystique and Destiny lament the negative impact of Northstar’s stereotypical portrayal has on LGBT comic book characters and readers in general.

 
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