PRIMARY SEASON

Now For What Really Matters: Which Republican Candidate Has The Sexiest Son?

Even though she’s now out of the race, Michele Bachmann has some spawn that rate seriously high on the be-my-babydaddy meter. Of her five biological kids, two—Lucas and Harrison—are male: Lucas is 28, but I couldn’t find Harrison’s age despite every creepy way I tried to stalk him online. But since he just wrapped up a two-year stint with Teach for America, it’s safe to say that he’s legal.

Michele and Marcus may have some of the ugliest opinions held by any of the candidate couples, but they still squeezed out some fine pieces of meat. You could pray my gay away as hard as you want but there’s no way I’d say no to sampling that delectable Manwich.

Shame on you, fickle Iowans—thanks a lot for taking some of the tastier eye candy off the campaign trail!

You can hear Lucas in this CNN interview,  and Harrison in this round table (at the 1:22 mark). No word on whether either need dad’s “cure.”

Image via CNN