Douche of the Week

NY Archbishop Dolan Wasn’t Homophobic Enough Due To Tricky Politicians

Each week, Queerty picks one blowhard, hypocrite, airhead, sanctimonious prick or other enemy of all that is queer to be the Douche of the Week. Have a nominee for DOTW? E-mail it to us at [email protected].

When the New York State Marriage Equality Act passed on June 24, 2011, opponents of marriage for same sex couples filed law suits, held protests, and did everything to lay the good finger of blame of those who didn’t really do enough for their bigoted cause – specifically the 21 New York Archbishops of the Catholic Church.

New York Archbisop Timothy Dolan, who was actually among the few Archbishops that did speak out against the bill, says that the Catholic Church and the other Archbishops aren’t to blame because – get this – they were TRICKED by some “political allies” into believing that marriage for same sex couples wasn’t a real threat. Boy, were they wrong. Because of his this act of douchey finger pointing (and every other douchey anti-LGBT thing he’s done) he’s been elected as, you guessed it, Douche of the Week. [Insert trumpets blaring and crowd cheering]

He told Raymond Arroyo on World Over that:

We had political allies who said, ‘Bishops, keep your ammo dry, you don’t have to pull out all the stops, speak on principle, speak up against this bill, but don’t really worry because it’s not going to go anywhere.’ We were told that, Raymond, up to six days before the bill passed.

And I think some of us bishops think we were being deceived. And I think that could be, shame on us for believing them.

Thanks a lot of thinking, Archbisop. Don’t hurt yourself. Archbishop Timothy Dolan is steeped in an anti-LGBT history. He told 60 minutes, “I have a strong desire to play shortstop for the Yankees. I don’t have a right to, because I don’t have what it takes. And that would be what the church would say about marriage.”

And we’ll leave it with another stupid Dolan quote: ” I love my mom, I don’t have the right to marry her.”… No, Dolan. You don’t. That would be gross.

All together now: What a douche!

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  • Cam

    Gee, an all male celibate organization that keeps women in subservient positions wants to pretend that they know anything about relationships and marriage.

    Yeah, it’s like a vegetarian trying to tell somebody how to cook a steak properly.

  • Mike in Asheville

    Earl Butz, former secretary of Agriculture under Presidents Nixon and Ford, said it best: [regarding Pope Paul VI; applies to all Popes, Cardinals, Bishops, Clergy]: “He no play the game, he no make the rules.”

    What is it with these men prancing around in silk dresses, funny hats, and silk slippers, ordering everyone else about how and who to marry. Crazy cultists.

  • christopher di spirito

    Does Archbishop Timothy Dolan realize what he looks like in that red and gold Catholic drag?

    All she needs is a blonde wig and high heels and she would be ready for her audition for the next season of Ru Paul’s ‘Drag Race.’

  • Patsy Stoned

    With those ruddy cheeks, red is SO not her color.

    It is beyond me why a cabal answering to Rome is involving themselves in the CIVIL laws of New York State. They can do whatever they want in their churches (other than their favorite activity, boy rape, as it IS and should be illegal), but they can kindly keep their prada shoes and silky dresses out of civil laws that do not concern them at all.

  • Joetx

    Dolan is just trying to send the right wing Catholics on a wild goose chase. He knows the real reason why he & the rest of the cabal known as the Catholic hierarchy didn’t try so hard in NY is b/c most Catholics see how blatantly evil & hypocritical such actions are. These Catholics are more apt to leave the Church or stop/diminish the donations to the collection basket. That’s what’s really important to the Church – money.

  • QJ201

    Funny the Catholic Church is bitching about being lied to. Like the shoe on the other foot Cardinal?

  • disgusted american

    nice red dress and beeny lol so glad Im a x-catholic

  • Dan

    Take it from me a “Recovering Catholic”. This stuff right here is funny!!!

  • Dat dood

    I think I am over this blog,
    Seems to not be at peace with itself.
    What society does not lack,
    Is not withheld.

  • Ogre Magi

    @Dat dood: WTF are you talking about????

  • Kurt

    Hey, give the guy a break. He pulled his punches on marriage and now the right wing is on his ass about it. Not gonna give him a gold medal, but no need to go on the attack either.

  • scribe31

    @Kurt: that’s like saying sure he is a racist, but he never joined the kkk or hung a noose, just cheered while others did it from the side lines.

  • LandStander

    Hehe, I just wanted to point out the lines

    “Thanks a lot of thinking, Archbisop. Don’t hurt yourself.”

  • tjr101

    @scribe31: well said!

  • I'm confuzzled

    Why is the representative of a foreign country, the Vatican, violating American sovereignty and inserting itself into the legal affairs of the state of New York?

  • Kurt

    @scribe31: It’s like a lukewarm opponent of the Voting Rights Act of 1965 but who took a walk at really fighting its passage by Congress.

  • Robert in NYC

    The fact that he equates marriage equality with wanting to marry one’s mother tells me he really does have an oedipus complex. Have any of these roman asshats ever provided the factual evidence to support their dumbass claims? They’re all a bunch of sociopaths with their 2 millenia old tradition of pedophilia, pederasty and misogyny. They can hardly claim any authority to judge others. The roman cult is morally bankrupt, permanently and fast becoming irrelevant.

  • the crustybastard

    If taxation without representation was manifestly unreasonable, why isn’t representation without taxation?

  • Kurt

    @the crustybastard: Joe Solmonese doesn’t pay taxes? Outrageous!

  • mike

    In his Thanksgiving blog, he called Rome “capital of the world”. Like Duh farmboy from Milwaukee, haven’t you stepped outside the Bishop’s Palace since you moved to NYC. Like it does has a few grand attractions and even a restaurant or two. Again. Duh!

  • ewe

    Dolan is and takes his orders from the evil in Rome.

  • ewe

    Yes i said orders from Rome, that dead carcass of a lifeless city where one walks on top of centuries of dried bloodshed. where modern art culture and music do not exist.

  • Shannon1981

    Of course he’s a douche. Bitter and jealous. He couldn’t cut it as a drag queen, so he had to find a profession where looking BAD in a dress was acceptable. See above photo for exhibit A.

  • Riker

    @ewe: While Vatican City may lie geographically within the borders of Rome, it is in fact an independent nation and not governed by Roman authorities.

  • ewe

    @Riker: It is a dead relic. What you said is no different than saying Vatican City is not in Italy. So what if it’s an independent nation. The entire grounds are a tribute to violence. The only good thing about it are the gay men swarming around at night cruising in and around the pillars of St. Peters Square.

  • Chris Lines

    Dolan and his bitchops need to clean up their own house of sexual abusing priests before going around telling others what they can and cannot do. Hypocritical douche bag.

Comments are closed.