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The Winter Olympics in Beijing came to a close yesterday. Some of the outdoor events were marred by particularly cold and challenging weather conditions.
In fact, as the temperature plummeted to 1F (or even colder with wind chill), organizers took the unusual step of reducing the 50km cross-country ski race to just 30km on Saturday. They also delayed the event by an hour, although this seems to have made little difference when it came to protecting the 61 competitors.
Related: Gus Kenworthy suffers horrendous crash during Beijing final
Finland’s Remi Lindholm revealed afterward that his penis froze during the event. He raced for an hour and 15 minutes in freezing winds, wearing what appears to be a thin ski suit (we presume he also wore some sort of thermal undergarment!)
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Like many other skiers, he also had plasters on his face to protect his skin. He suffered a similar frozen dick incident in Ruka, Finland, last year.
“You can guess which body part was a little bit frozen when I finished … it was one of the worst competitions I’ve been in,” he told Finnish media. “It was just about battling through.”
Lindholm finished in 28th place.
He said that after he finished, he used a heat pack to try and warm up his frozen body parts.
“When the body parts started to warm up after the finish, the pain was unbearable,” he added.
Lindholm re-shared a Finnish news story about his frozen penis to his Instagram stories, not disputing it was indeed his penis that froze up.
Many of the athletes were photographed with extensive frost around their faces upon finishing the race. If you swipe through Lindholm’s Instagram photos, you can see what we mean.
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Related: Madison Cawthorn posts super dumb tweet about the Olympics
The decision to shorten the event left one British athlete fuming beforehand.
Andrew Musgrove tweeted before the event, “FIS have just shortened the Olympic 50km to a 28km because it’s a bit cold and windy. I don’t see that that will make it any warmer or less windy.🤷♂️ What a f@*king joke!”
FIS have just shortened the Olympic 50km to a 28km because it’s a bit cold and windy. I don’t see that that will make it any warmer or less windy.🤷♂️ What a f@*king joke!
— Andrew Musgrave (@musgraveandrew) February 19, 2022
Musgrove later said he was disappointed to only achieve 12th place in the final, which was won by Russia’s Alexander Bolshunov.
BarryM
He should be grateful that it didn’t fall off.
Chrisk
Wow. That must be some serious endorphins they got running through them.
Heywood Jablowme
A b.j. is the best way to warm it up!
RyanMBecker
If there was more blood in his penis, it wouldn’t have froze…
RyanMBecker
He is soooo 80’s gay porn. I could definitely see him in a William Higgins production (1980s California Higgins, not 2000s Eastern European Higgins). Check out his VERY homoerotic Instagram to see what I mean. Highlights include him with another twink taking a bubble bath (with the caption, “here we cum!?”), and another of him posing blissfully with another twink in pink briefs in the snow.
RosemarysBaby
LOVE those old William Higgins flicks! Sailor in the Wild being a particular favorite, although they’re all pretty tasty. 🙂
RyanMBecker
I’ve had to watch all his movies (I’m an archivist and analyst in a porn project, in addition to being an assistant archivist in LGBT media). My favorite is probably Frat House Memories. It’s also the favorite among the researchers, including several straight females. The classic prolonged make out scene between Joe Craig and Robbie Berkeley is still considered one of the best in porn. I actually uploaded it once on YouTube. Second favorite is Big Guns. The three-way Fundies scene and the making-out-at-gun-practice scene are my favorites. And who can forget the epic 20 (?) man pool orgy and daisy chain in Class Reunion? Geez, I know way too much for someone who wasn’t even born when the movies were made.
Gay friends are jealous because I’ve been getting paid to watch porn since an undergrad, but it’s not as fun as it sounds. Imagine analyzing thousands of scenes from the 1960s to now (I’ve also watched every Sean Cody and Corbin Fisher video up to 2020, totaling more than 5000, I think). Basically, it’s all a blur at this point. Friends claim that I am likely one the world’s leading experts on gay porn (yes, “world” because I also watch a lot of Asian, European and Latin American stuff. Even some Middle Eastern videos). And definitely the #1 expert who is straight. In fact, that’s why the researchers hired me. They needed someone who is objectively analytical that wasn’t distracted by the sex. Similarly, my counterpart in the hetero porn section is a gay man.
Mack
If he’s having that problem then his outfit has seriously failed him. I would however offer to help him solve the problem.
twomen4u
If his penis had been previously frozen and OC shortened the race due to weather, doesn’t anyone think that he would have taken extra precautions? In that one action, I question his ability to keep himself warm. I know they still make socks that will keep your feet warm, so why not sock it up and keep his penis warm.? Sure he might have had a bigger shape in the crotch area but his penis would be up and ready.
Jer
In his autobiography (maybe one of several?) David Niven mentions the same problem. He was making a movie in Switzerland involving skiing. They finished shooting at the peak, and since he was wearing a skiing costume and skis, he decided just to ski down. Big mistake. What he was wearing looked like skiing gear, but wasn’t. It was just a costume. He spoke of fearing the loss of an important body part, but got all the way down and warmed up cautiously.
ingyaom
If these guys are going to be skiing in the cold, shouldnt they be dressing for it? Those flimsy suits they wear definitely don’t look adequate for the conditions.
RyanMBecker
If you go on his Instagram, you’d see that he’s used to skiing in nothing but tighty-whities (actually, they’re pink. He wears a lot of pink). Yes, no pants or shirt, just briefs. Apparently, that’s how he practices. So normal cold weather isn’t the problem. But it was below zero with wind chill during the ski competition so even those acclimated to freezing weather suffered.
cuteguy
I wonder if someone blows him to warm it up, Will their tongue get stuck to it like in A Christmas Story?
RyanMBecker
I don’t know if he’s gay but he has one of the most homoerotic Instagrams I’ve ever seen for an Olympic caliber athlete. He has almost no photos with females yet there are plenty of photos with guys, many of which are decidedly homoerotic. And I’m not just talking about training sessions. One photo has him in a bubble bath with another twink, and the caption, “here we cum!?” (in case Queerty doesn’t allow emojis, there is a pink heart after “cum”). The only p*ssy in his photos showed him hugging a cat. Awwwwwww…
Another photo shows him and another twink in pink briefs (Speedos?) posing blissfully on the snow. Indeed, there are an unusual number of topless photos for someone living in a cold climate, and he’s often in shorts or briefs. That makes me think that he’s probably used to having a frozen p*nis. He also wears A LOT of pink. And I’m not talking about dark pink, but a pastel pink. If he’s straight, I applaud the Nordic countries for defying gender norms.