Nothing raises the hackles quite like the transient, transgressive delights of Greek yogurt. And should you ever produce a commercial that conspicuously slips a container of the stuff between two slinky lesbians cavorting around in 1500-thread count bedsheets, you should immediately expect the fiery condemnation of Our Lord to come down upon you with the force of a thousand bucking steads.
Such is the fate of fine Greek yogurt purveyors Chobani, who recently released the following Sapphic advertisement to capitalize on Gay Pride Month:
Within moments, that spectral organization known as One Million Moms rose up from the gulley in which it sleeps, instantaneously firing out a nutso press release that reads in part: “Chobani should be ashamed of their latest commercial for attempting to normalize sin by featuring two women naked in bed together… This commercial not only promotes same sex relationships by including two lesbians, but also same-sex marriage because the two women wear matching wedding bands.”
One Million Moms — who we suspect is merely One Crabby Spinster typing away on an old Smith Corona in a disused basement — gets increasingly flummoxed as the statement rambles on: “What does selling yogurt have to do with gay sex? Nothing at all, but Chobani wants to make the association. One Million Moms continues to stand up for Biblical truth, which is very clear in Romans 1:26-27 about this particular type of sexual perversion.”
With that, One Million Moms flapped back into the clouds to replenish its energy before the next attack, leaving us with much to think about as we enjoy our own Chobani in bed.