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A gay personal trainer and LGBTQ health advocate, who runs his own workout studio in Toronto, Canada, has penned a powerful open letter to gay men asking him if he could open up their gym for them.
Related: ER doc pleads with gay guys to “Stop hooking up”
Ryan Wolman runs Motus Training Studio. He says that being approached by gay men, some of whom have offered him money just to open his gym for them, prompted him to speak out and call for a reality check.
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“To the gay guys on hookup apps, the muscle bears on Facebook, the circuit boys on Insta…we need to have a talk,” he wrote on an Instagram posting.
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“Stop asking me if my gym is open. It’s not.
“Stop asking me if I will open it for you. I won’t.
“Yes, I know how much you just offered me per hour. No. I won’t let you in. Because it’s illegal, it’s irresponsible and quite frankly you need to stop,” he continued.
“We’re all in a bit of shock right now. All. Of. us. We need to stay home. I find the fact that you’re willing to risk your health, and the health of the people around you because you need ‘the gym’ so badly truly concerning.
“I understand that anxiety and other mental health issues affect queer folk more. I understand the gym can be a sanctuary. I do this for a living for a reason, but right now you’re simply going to have to find other ways to channel that energy.
“Maybe this is a good time to consider why you’re willing to risk your health to go to a place designed to increase your health. Isn’t that a bit strange? Are you maybe addicted? If so are you addicted to fitness (which you can get outside or at home) or are you addicted to ‘The Gym.’ I mean, I own a gym usually I’m thrilled that you put so much effort in.
“You can workout at home. If you need help I can help you. I do a ton of stuff for free and most trainers would kill for a couple extra online clients right now. Yes, I know that home workouts don’t make you get the same gainz, but that’s how it is.
“But maybe it’s time to assess some of the negative here and do a bit of a detox. The gym is a place, it’s not your life. Right now a gym could lower the quality of your life, or even end it.
“So no, I don’t want you in my gym right now. I don’t care what you offer. It’s not good for me, it’s not good for your community, and it’s sure as hell not good for you.”
“If you need help, ask for help. We’re in this together. #StayStrongStayHome.”
Related: Gay wedding called off after groom winds up quarantined with secret lover
Exercise addiction is a recognized addiction. Physical activity releases endorphins and the neurotransmitter dopamine, which can give people feelings of joy and pleasure. Many gay men also struggle with issues around their bodies, and working on their physique is one way of tackling this, but it can be taken to dangerous extremes.
Wolman’s posting was welcomed by many.
“Thanks for being a voice of reason during this crazy time,” commented one.
“I’m amazed at all the gays still messaging me to hook up,” said another. “I say I’m self-isolating and then message me like is that a no?? Like they don’t understand or get it. Lol. It’s all about the “D”. No concern for themselves or others.”
Wolman told Queerty he was “disappointed that some people’s need to look or feel attractive/strong overrides their desire to be safe, healthy, and protective of the people in their biological and chosen families.
“Gym addiction is a serious health issue in our community, and that’s really been emphasized as a result of this pandemic,” he says.
“I think the gay community, in particular, tends to glorify a specific, exclusive “type” of gym body, and that feeds into a lifestyle that encourages us to go beyond what is healthy.
“It’s important to us that people love working out and enjoy the gym, and certainly to be motivated by their achievements, but never at the expense of physical and mental health.”
In many countries, people are now in lockdown or having to practice social distancing to stem the spread of this new coronavirus. Some daily exercise is encouraged, and YouTube and Instagram are full of people sharing home workouts. These may not be as good as what you’d get at the gym, but with gyms closed, they’re the next best thing.
Tyrone Johnston
His “open letter to gay dudes” was far more damaging to the plight of gay men than any man’s desire to go to the gym. He managed to slam gay men while simultaneously bragging that he is being hit up for the “D.” I guess he’s not working out either? Doubtful. Would serve him right if his gym eventually shuts down as a result of the pandemic. I agree that we need to take a break from the gym right now, but he advised against it the wrong way.
Belantine
It was one of the commenters who mentioned being hit up for the D.
Also I see nowhere where he ‘slammed’ gay men – he asked them to reconsider why they were willing to risk their own health… shows care, in my opinion.
kiriakis1
Of corse, he’s probably still working out. He has his OWN gym.
LifeinShaw
He can stay closed for all I care. As a 50 year old “Daddy” i just get sick of the fascination with all of us elder gays.
The real Bruce
I have to agree with Ryan. I live in Hollywood where there are so many gyms and private trainers. I see lots of people running (most with a mask) some have their own home routine. I have a set of weights and exercise bike, these are not expensive, and at 72, keep in pretty good shape. Looking ripped all the time just so you look good at the bars and clubs is something I just don’t get. Ryan is not being mean to the guys who want to work out, but being concerned for their health and well being. All of the gyms here are closed, common sense is ruling over those who want to preen around in their shorts and tanks. Think and live people!
chris_clb614
If you are a resident of Ohio like I am, you’d have no choice to follow the given advice, as health clubs are among the business deemed nonessential are among those that are closed until further notice. All the preventative measures can only do so much when social distancing isn’t followed.
Brian
Man, I really hope stories like this don’t get picked up beyond the gay media. We are certainly not doing ourselves any favors by giving even more ammunition to people who already think we are nothing but a group of self absorbed, drug addicted, disease spreading whores.
davidkit
First of all, I am gay. I find so many men in my community are self-absorbed snoots who are obsessed with the gym and/or drugs & sex. I am frankly very often disgusted with many gay men for their behavior and attitudes. Of course, I am not saying all gay men are this way – it’s just that those who are are the ones giving ammunition to those individuals who give gays such grief. I celebrate all of the gay men who are not this way – I think we are the majority! Good grief, taking time off from the gym gives you the opportunity to find meaning in other things!
Chrisk
I don’t really get this. He runs a small studio. It’s not like some regular gym. Seems allot of bla bla bla for nothing.
Jared MacBride
Work out at home. Anyone can do it, no machines needed.
The real Bruce
You’re right Jared. You can work out at home, stretches, knee bends, leg lifts, you can do it all at home. Running is still good outside, with a mask. I see people all the time doing it. Keep up your own working out and stay safe. Cheers.
Bob LaBlah
Wait a minute, pal. Are you aware that the event that those queens lock themselves up in gyms from Feb-mid May preparing for might not necessarily be cancelled? There is no word on whether NYPride nor DCPride have been cancelled so they need to get in there are start pumping. They are already two weeks depraved of the elliptical machine (the butt rounder is a more appropriate way of describing it). And then the ab machine to boot. Be careful or should I say dont get cute and come out side and say that. A June without the muscle mary’s parading up and down the street nearly naked? You must me mad.
canadalaw
I know Ryan, played rugby with him. He is a good guy.
darkanser
I live in South Florida. I’m a regular gym goer myself. Not only can I not go to the gym, I’d love to go into the ocean but our beaches are closed too. Thankfully, I have a bicycle.
frapachino
He sounds angry and uptight and overly critical of others, like a typical hypocritical SJW, i hope people remember his attack and avoid his gym and service a going forward!
The real Bruce
I’m not sure what an SJW is. But Ryan seems to be one of the guys with common sense and maturity. And your insults just prove your lacking in both. I wish you well, Frap. Be safe, stay healthy.
Bulovaboy
Thats what happens when people are self absorbed, narcissistic & on major testosterone, illegal and legal. They only care about getting off & the other that admire them.
They really really need to start looking on the inside!!!!
CityguyUSA
I’d imagine that if all the gay men were suddenly taken from the planet the gyms would go out of business.
GayEGO
We are supposed to stay at home. Why are these guys offering Ryan money to open his gym for them. They must be Trumpsters!
Chrisk
Not unless you have a strict quarantine order These guys were paying him for the privilege of working out at his studio. Meaning just them.
Aires the Ram
Well, he told folks to quit acting like a bunch of over-privileged narcissists, to put the needs of their loved ones over their own, and out came the knives on here. Pathetic. Poor little “victims”. Pity pity pity.
scotty
some of the best sex i ever had was in the sauna and showers at they gym.
The real Bruce
Wow! Lots of early comments here. I hope the guys who were dishing Ryan are still alive and not infected. I’m 72 and I survived the AIDS pandemic, still negative, and the other viruses and flu’s just using common sense. Ryan is probably loosing money by not opening his gym. But keeping his customers, his friends, from dying is something he can and should be thanked for. Good luck Ryan.