Our Favorite Escort Ads

buttmaster

Have escort/S&M model/massage ads always been this hilarious, or has the recession made them extra crazy?

cocktil
Cocktilling sounds like it hurts. Any way we can skip that and get straight to the sex?

hotwirednips
Hot-wired nips: Great queercore band name, terrible description of the human body.

masculine
The subjectivity of the word “masculine” makes this photo funny to us. Perhaps you disagree.

milato2
Never mind that “mulatto” is a term closely associated with slavery and not spelled “milato,” and that, if we’re speaking in those terms, this fella’s actually a “quadroon”: isn’t this guy handsome enough to be, y’know, a real model? Maybe not for Prada, but what about JCPenny, or J. Crew?

milk
Uh, how about we stay away from the farming terminology when discussing our “cock & balls”?

sword
Just what we want when calling a stranger to meet us in secrecy: someone known to carry machetes!

visiting
Blame it on our day job, but any rent boy getting our money needs to know the difference between “discreet” and “discrete.”

youngjock
Judging by the cutoff shirt and the acid-washed jeans – staples of the 80s – we’ve got a feeling this “young jock” is now an “old jock.” He might just live in Silver Lake, though.