A dedicated mother created a Reddit account just to ask for help saying the right things to her potentially-closeted teen and “support him in his journey.”
“My sweet wonderful son is 14,” she wrote in a February 20 post that’s been 98% upvoted. “I have been 80% sure he is gay since he was very small. Although he hasn’t shown any sexual interests I found a Tumblr account on his phone that was following a very specific fetish. … He is a typical grumpy, private teen. We live in a closed-minded area, and I don’t have any gay friends.”
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This mother wrote that she has tried to show her PFLAG candidacy, so to speak: “This is what I’ve done [with] father and stepfather totally on board: I stopped saying, ‘When you find a wife,’ and say, ‘When you fall in love,’ or, ‘When you meet the right person.’ I try to loudly declare my support for LGBTQ movements. I tried to get him to go to our area’s first pride parade with me. He quietly declined. I’ve asked him if there are any gay and lesbian students in his middle school and if they are treated differently. ‘Yes’ and ‘no’ is about all I got.”
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She continued:
He is my life. I just want him to be happy. I screwed up the birds and bees talk a few years ago… idn’t even occur to me to include sexual preferences. I even looked for some books to ‘leave’ laying around about gay teens. Bought a pride shirt, but I’m afraid to wear it around him in case he’s self-conscious. (Sigh.) I brought him to a local theater musical Friday. Xanadu. Trying too hard? Yup. Probably.
“What could your mom have said at 14 that would have made you feel supported and comfortable if anything?” she asked users in the r/askgaybros subreddit. “I know I can’t force him out of the closet… and he may still be straight or bi. I just don’t want him to feel alone or ashamed EVER.”
Commenters were quick to point out she’s off to a great start. “You’re already doing great things,” wrote one. “Honestly, just being there for him, loving him, and letting him know you will always be a safe place for him to go to. A lot of it has to be his journey, but knowing you have his back will be huge!”
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Wrote another: “I am sure whenever he finally decides what he truly wants to be and represent as, he will tell you in confidence, knowing you’ve been so supportive. Right now he might just see you as annoying ‘cause hormones.”
A third commenter advised the mother to not confront her son about his sexuality: “You might ‘know,’ but let him tell you instead of trying to pull it out of him. As long as you provide an open environment for him to come out, he will say it when he’s ready.”
And others just gave the mom props for being awesome. “A lot of gay males would cry to have someone like you as their mothers,” another user wrote. “Just accept him for who he is and feel free to judge any BF he brings over harshly, lol.”
The same day she posted her message, the mother followed up to post her gratitude to her fellow Redditors. “I’m glad I can chat with men who have been there,” she wrote. “Brings me to tears. I just don’t want him to ever think there’s something wrong with him. … I’ve gotten some excellent advice as to how I can continue to support him on the sidelines and be a cheerleader for him!”
djbear
Don’t push before he is ready. Just keep doing what you are doing. I was not even aware myself for years but now I look back I can see signs others were seeing BUT I had to first come out to myself and then the world. PFLAG is an excellent group to be part of. keep your language gender neutral. His phone app may be exploring trying to figure out for himself where he is.
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
What a lucky kid…
Compare this gem of a Mom to the reprehensive “parents” who toss their kids into the streets because of words written and spewed by nefarious smcubags twisting religion into a vehicle of hatred, bigotry and hurt…
My2CentsWorth
At the time such happens it is very bad for the child. In the long term, if the child manages to overcome the hurt he, or she, would be much better off by not having any contact with such monsters.
surfpenis
I wonder what the “specific fetish” is that was referenced in this article …
Karrnal
I’d tell the broad to chill out. It seems like she’s forcing him to be gay. By now he knows she’s supportive, and when he’s ready, he’ll let her know if he’s str8 or gay. But she’s painting him into a corner, and no teen wants that. She sounds almost overwhelming to me. Her cheering squad encouragments could have the reverse affect.
Cam
She acknowledges that she supports LGBTQ people, and says “When you fall in love”.
Yeah, REALLY painting him into a corner. (Eye Roll)
My2CentsWorth
This is good advice. Don’t push him. It seems that she had already made known to him that she disapproves of the bigot hatred. That should be enough.
It is possible that the fetish might be just curiousness and not a hardwired desire. If he should indulge in the fetish one, or more, times he might lose interest.
PanzerRider
I’d stay quiet for now. Keep a close eye on him, as I’m sure she is doing, for signs of depression, despair, or any attribute that might cause concern. Had my mom come to me when I was 14 and started asking questions I would have freaked out and denied everything. I was just starting to realize that I was staring a little too long at the guys in the locker room after practice. I didn’t need my mom all up in my business at that point adding to the drama.
Jim
I wouldn’t do much of anything. Change pronouns, yes, but otherwise do what you’d do if he were a heterosexual. It’s the 21st century and this ain’t rocked science.
Well, and of course defend him tooth and nail from bigots. But wouldn’t you do this anyway?
Cam
I don’t really get the problem with flat out asking.
“So, anyone at your school you want to date? Girls/Boys/Not yet decided?”
He may not answer, but there, she’s laid it on the table clearly. No need to try to read each other’s minds.
MusicBoi74
I read an article recently that said, “The hardest person to come out to is yourself.” I wish I could have told my 22-year-old self that! My parents were NOT supportive, to say the least, but they have come around. My father was a pastor in a very conservative church for almost 40 years, so I tend to think my coming out broke the image of the “perfect pastor’s family.” I know it did for me…but we learn to adjust to a “new normal.”